to feel sorry for children whose parents smoke?

[strawberry34]

I was walking through the park today and saw a couple sitting with their baby, they were both smoking whilst baby was next to them inhaling their fumes. I felt sorry for the child, for years it's been known that smoking is bad for everyone and passive smoking is dangerous.

It's also known that having a parent who is a smoker increases your likelihood of becoming a smoker when you grow up. I know there will be human rights people who object to me judging parents who smoke, but I do feel sorry for their children. Surely quitting smoking is a small price to pay for your children's future health, it's not like health advice on smoking has changed recently, campaigns have gone on for decades warning of the damage, there are no benefits as far as I can see.

[BegoniaBampot]

that's why i post on these threads. i think people should hear how it can affect the children of smokers both physically and mentally. my mum was a very selfish smoker and know many parents try to be more considerate but your children might lie crying at night as i did. or had to nurse my mum when she was dying of lung cancer when she was still quite young.

[siezethenight]

Oh my poor children... 22, 20 and 16. Never smoked a fag in their lives and they grew up with a putrid smelling, chimney pot mother... Neither of my brothers smoke either. Don't think anybody does actually in my family. I am the sole stander outsider once every 2/3 hours... I sit with my cats out there - does this mean my cats are in danger? Please don't call the RSPCA... Do they make cat gas masks!?

[hackmum]

My parents were smokers. Looking back I do feel sorry for me as a child - I had quite severe asthma too. My parents were wonderful in many respects, loving, kind and devoted, but being around cigarette smoke is horrible. When I got older, I hated being around friends who smoked - when I was in my late teens and early 20s, a lot of people smoked, it was still possible to smoke in pubs, restaurants and cinemas, and you had absolutely no choice but to put up with it. It was revolting to come home after an evening out with a sore throat, sore eyes and clothes absolutely reeking of cigarette smoke. I think the smoking ban in this country has been a wonderful thing. I also think that these days there is no excuse for smoking - when my parents started smoking they didn't know any better but people now know that smoking is both harmful and highly addictive.

[bellablot]

Try not to be so judgmental, there are a lot of parents who smoke around their children, I hate it, my parents did exactly that but I don't give a shit if anyone wants to do it and I certainly wouldn't waste your energy feeling sorry for the said children, if they want to smoke they will regardless of whether their parents have or have not.

I would asking yourself why you even think about meaningless things like this.

[Pigsmummy]

I hadn't linked car sickness to smoking before but now I realise that it was my parents car (several different ones though childhood) that I got very car sick in and not other, non smokers such as my grand parents (who I went on equally long journeys with).

[CuriosityCola]

bellablot it's not meaningless if it triggers past experience for the person observing. I don't think anyone would deny that smoking in front of children endangers their health, therefore it makes sense to feel for them.

[CuriosityCola]

www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-info/healthyliving/smokingandtobacco/childrenandsmoking/smoking-and-cancer-children-and-smoking


'Siblings and parents are role models for children. If a child?s parents smoke they are three times more likely to smoke themselves.'

[angeleyes1978]

my parents smoked and i ran a marathon last year. both my parents are still alive and perfectly healthy but my friends parents never smoked and died in their 60s and my friend has breathing problems. dont know what the fuss is about

[pooka]

My mum smokes. She's brilliant. Please don't feel sorry for me. I'm very happy and healthy, thanks.

She's in her seventies. She doesn't drink at all, and is a healthy weight. Exercises, rides her bike everywhere.

Her father was a smoker until he gave up when he was in his 60s. He died at 80. Her mother wasn't a smoker. Lived until 95, but a half life for about 8 years as she descended into hideous dementia. The last five years of her life were beyond hell and put an incredible strain on her and the whole family.

[Buddhagirl]

I think it's grim and unacceptable Yanbu.

[propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS]

Yanbu. It is another inequality that some children face.

[dontgowadingin]

It's very fucking selfish ! I hate it. Seen a woman buttoning up a toddlers coats with a fag hanging of her lips with the smoke going in the kids face!

People smoking in cars with kids in need their mouths rammed on to the exhaust pipe, see how they like it.

[hamilton75]

I truly believe that if people saw the ugly truth about lung cancer and other smoking related illness up close and personal then many more would stop. My died was fit and healthy and playing golf the day before he was diagnosed, never been in hospital in his life and yet was dead 3 weeks later.

I think a lot of people have the mistaken impression that they will feel ill, go to the docs/have an op/chemo and Bob's your uncle. Lung cancer isn't like that. Most of the time (vast majority of people) don't know about it until its already spread and is too late. I've known 3 people with lung cancer lasted no more than a month from diagnosis.

Honestly, do the smokers on here stop and think there is a real possibility that by continuing to smoke you might not be alive this time next month even? that's the harsh reality. I just can't understand how anyone, especially with young children, could do this if they are really aware of the facts.

[BegoniaBampot]

Yes, my mum was going to the gym and power walking. 7 weeks later she was gone - that fast and it's not pretty.

[HarrietSchulenberg]

My parents are lifelong anti-smokers. With a passion. I grew up to be a smoker for a long time. Doesn't necessarily follow that a child will follow their parents' lifestyle.

[amandine07]

YANBU

I think the OP was making the point that they felt sorry for the child having to be in a passive smoking environment and exposed to all the potential health risks that go with it.

I'd feel a bit sorry for those kids too as they have no choice but to live in a smokers environment at home- if the parents smoke indoors as well, the smell gets everywhere but is only really obvious to a non-smoker.

I don't think OP was saying that the parents are intrinsically bad or evil, but just that they felt sorry for the kid having to put up with their parents smoking.
To me that's not unreasonable.

I'm not denying that there are other worse things out there that OP could have written about. It's just that smoking is a pretty grim habit- my OH smokes and I've started to despise it more as time goes on.

[JazzDalek]

Me too HarrietSchulenberg. Neither of my parents ever smoked, and they were and are VERY anti, to the point where my dad rants if someone is shown smoking on TV

All five of their children did or do smoke. I hid it from them for years, even as an adult, because I knew a nuclear shit-storm would ensue if they (mainly Dad) found out . He still doesn't know I ever smoked.

[LookingForwardToMarch]

Yanbu

I was a heavy smoker...until I decided I really wanted a family.

Hate seeing pregnant women fagging it or someone smoking near their babies.

Yes it was hard giving up but it's selfish not to and it's like some bury their heads in the sand and convince themselves it's not really that bad.

[scottishmummy]

Save your indignant ire for kids who suffer emotional,physical neglect greater than smoking parents

[amandine07]

pigsmummy
Your post has totally summed up why I agree with the OP and I do feel sorry for kids who have to live in a smokers' environment.

[amandine07]

It's not 'indignant ire' it's simply feeling sorry for those children having to be surrounded by smoke the whole time.

And trying to minimise it by comparing it to physical/emotional/psychological abuse that goes on does not lessen the impact for the individual child.
Just read the heartfelt post by pigsmummy

[scottishmummy]

On the contrary I do think its indignant ire.very much so
I don't smoke,never have.i don't think smoking parent=feeling sorry for child
I do think there are other things I consider greater encroachment upon happy childhood than smoking

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Scottishmummy - does it count as physical neglect that my mother refused to stop smoking in the car, even though it gave me a terrible headache and made me sick?

What about all the second-hand smoke I was forced to inhale for the first 18 years of my life? And possibility that it has contributed to the chest infections and throat infections I get each time I have a cold?

[scottishmummy]

Address those earnest questions to your parents,I can't answer
Ask them.