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AIBU?

Nick Ross on rape - warning you may feel the need to punch a wall

484 replies

DuelingFanjo · 25/05/2013 23:09

sorry it's a daily mail link.

I am full of rage, particularly his comments on aggravated rape. Wtf. Presumably he means that there are situations in which he will not be able to stop himself from raping someone because it is aggravated. This has made me so angry. Please they'll me he no longer works for the BBC. I truly hope he loses his career over this. How the hell are we supposed to educate people who think like this?

OP posts:

Report

BabyMakesTheBoobiesGoLeaky · 26/05/2013 08:52

Do you know what I got from the article? An overwhelming tone of 'you have a vagina,its designed for sex,so you really have no right to complain' .

What do they not get? Seriously,why is it so difficult to grasp? If a number of women were going around forcing carrots up men's nostrils when they were drunk or were acting like they were into that sort of thing or just pouncing on them or they were doing it to their partners would there not be national outcry? Of course there would because they are not trying to overturn centuries of abuse.

MadamFolly · 26/05/2013 08:53

What an atrocious cunt :(

limitedperiodonly · 26/05/2013 08:53

If someone was to write that a soldier shouldn't walk down a British street in his uniform in case it tempted murdering bastards to hack him to death I wonder if the Daily Mail would print it.

bigkidsdidit · 26/05/2013 08:54

I can't read it, I just can't. It would make me cry.

I keep thinking things are getting better and we are making progress then something pops up like this to slap me back down again :(

gordyslovesheep · 26/05/2013 08:54

bloody good point Limited

bigkidsdidit · 26/05/2013 08:57

oh god I scrolled to the bottom and saw the comments, 'finally someone telling the truth'

RedHelenB · 26/05/2013 08:58

Having read the article I can't see he is being an apologist for rape. And I think it is naive to think that being drunk & going back for one night stands isn't making a woman more at risk.

gordyslovesheep · 26/05/2013 09:02

but it's only making them 'at risk' because men can be a bit rapey

CrapsWithBears · 26/05/2013 09:06

I read this;

Rape is one of the most violating crimes. Victims tend to feel dirty, embarrassed, racked with revulsion and self-blame

And then I read this;

Half of all women who have had penetrative sex unwillingly do not think they were raped, and this proportion rises strongly when the assault involves a boyfriend, or if the woman is drunk or high on drugs: they led him on, they went too far, it wasn?t forcible, they didn?t make themselves clear...

And then I fucking laughed. Did he even READ this shit before he published it?

lougle · 26/05/2013 09:06

He has a point in some areas. I studied DV in men even if my lecturer hated me for it at Uni over 10 years ago and the statistics were surprising.

Rape is rape. No doubt.

Women should not have to dress to avoid rape. But then, neither should people have to place their laptops to avoid theft. Societies have people in them that do not play by the rules.

I do think it's a greyer area when someone has sex in the heat of the moment and then regrets it later. It's very open to interpretation, then, whether the sex was consensual or whether the woman 'tried to say no' or 'couldn't say no' etc.

It's very messy.

I don't think the article did very well at balancing the arguments.

JerseySpud · 26/05/2013 09:07

It is the daily mail so makes me wonder how much was twisted to get them talked about

But even then, seriously? Gobsmacked.

DuelingFanjo · 26/05/2013 09:07

Still seething. I think he still works for the BBC. I will be writing a letter. In the light of the Savile stuff I am sure the BBC won't want to be associated with someone who victim blames to the extent.

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 26/05/2013 09:09

it's not messy at all - if a woman doesn't want sex and a man has sex with her (or a man and a man etc) then it's rape - very clear to me

lougle · 26/05/2013 09:16

I agree gordy. But if a woman has sex with a man and she is a bit drunk and when she is sober she regrets it and she realises that had she not been drunk she wouldn't have entertained sex with the man, then people suggest that she didn't really want sex in the first place...

That's messy. Is it the man's fault that the woman made a decision she later regretted, or may never have made had she not been drunk?

I'm not talking about a woman so intoxicated that she can't make a decision. I'm talking about a woman who is intoxicated enough that her choices differ from those she would make if sober.

firstpost · 26/05/2013 09:16

Men like Nick Ross are the reason that rape victims dont report. The fear that the policeofficer you talk to will hold his views. Very, very upset this was published as it legitimises what I had hoped was a minority view. I will be emailing the BBC too, and wish there was more I could do.

Sorry to all of you who will be triggered by this disgusting article.

ExcuseTypos · 26/05/2013 09:17

When people write stuff like this, I often wonder if they are trying to justify past behaviour.

CrapsWithBears · 26/05/2013 09:18

Women should not have to dress to avoid rape. But then, neither should people have to place their laptops to avoid theft. Societies have people in them that do not play by the rules.

Yeah, and these people who don't play by the rules are going to suddenly play by the rules if someone wears a pair of jeans instead of a miniskirt?

Does this mean if we all wear Burkas, or, as I like to call them, ' magic rapist-repelers' we'll never be raped or sexually assaulted again? OMFG why hasn't no-one told me this before. Oh, that's right, because it's a load of horse shit.

hackmum · 26/05/2013 09:18

In the scenario you describe, lougle, I think it's highly unlikely that the woman would go to the police with an accusation of rape.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/05/2013 09:18

People have been saying things like this just before arrested re historical charges. .am watching this space.

CrapsWithBears · 26/05/2013 09:19

I'm talking about a woman who is intoxicated enough that her choices differ from those she would make if sober.

It's still not messy, because it still isn't rape.

BabyMakesTheBoobiesGoLeaky · 26/05/2013 09:20

You really can't compare theft of a laptop with rape. Leave a laptop on a bus - silly. Have a vagina - not an invitation for rape.

CrapsWithBears · 26/05/2013 09:20

Ignore my shitty grammar and spelling.

CoalDustWoman · 26/05/2013 09:24

I don't know where the feminists think all men are rapists trope comes from, when it's actually men like nick ross and the ones in the article I linked to who have that belief.

limitedperiodonly · 26/05/2013 09:25

I've had sex and later wished I hadn't bothered. I imagine lots of us have. Don't usually go to the police and report a rape though, do we?

Dragonwoman · 26/05/2013 09:26

And these stats that are always trotted out about male victims- I always wonder how many of the male victims involve male perpetrators too? Isn't at least some of these cases of male DV victims instances between same sex partners or father-son etc?

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