To think no you don't know how hard it is actually!

[MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong]

I am actually sick of mothers I see in real life telling me that they get how hard being a single mum is because their Dp works and he doesn't get home til after the baby is in bed?

Well actually no, you don't get how hard it is! You don't get how some times I might no see another human for days.
You don't.know how much it kills me emotionally. How lonely it is. Yes it's great too. But you don't have 100% responsibility.
You get your weekends together.. I can't even go to the loo without the wine starting!!

I really need to off aload about RL

[cocoplops]

Op - my DM was a lone parent to myself and my bro pretty much from when I was a few months old. She studied to get better qualifications just like you. Just wanted to say that my mum is my inspiration and I have so much admiration for how she coped and made something of herself out of a pretty crappy, lonely and depressing time.

Bet one day your dc instead of the whining will be equally proud of you - volunteering for sure start to help others cos you know what it's like, studying to put you and your child in a better position for the future. Vent away and be kind to yourself.

Btw I think saying 'I know how you feel' is a an insensitive thing to say, but likely meant in a kind but clumsy trying to empathise type of way.

[diplodocus]

I think, like with everything else the experience of single parents differs wildly on their circumstances. I have two friends who are lone parents who have huge amounts of support from family (mother looks after children after school each day and babysitting on tap) and financial and practical support from exP. Another of my friends hasn't seen her DD's dad since she was pregnant, and is also trying to support an elderly, sick mother with no other family nearby. There circumstances couldn't be more different. While I'm not saying being a lone parent is easy, I also know married couples struggling with depression, financial concerns, illness etc. so I don't think it's OK to say one is definitely harder than the other - everyone's circumstances are different, and no, it isn't a competition.

[SirChenjin]

Nothing wrong wanting to talk - no-one is saying there is.

[Oldraver]

Altinkum sorrry its YOU being rude. You've done your fair share of moaning on MN and had support, have you been told basically shut the fuck up others have harder lives ? No.

OP is having a moan as she's feeling the strain at the mo, have a heart

[MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong]

Thank you for the support you have made me feel better right now

[Oldraver]

OP, if you can spare time and energy to help others I think you are doing better than you think

[janey223]

(Haven't read full thread sorry!)

Makeotup - I totally get you. Yes, people have other things that make it hard but being on your own is shit. On the plus side it gets better (not easier tho) when they get slightly older (my DS is 17m) and their little personalities really come out, it's a bit less lonely!

Xx

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Op. if your finding things tough at the moment why are you making things harder for yourself both stress wise and financially.

From your posts it sounds like your trying to force your ex to have contact with your dd is that correct?

If you are why bother you have no chance of success none at all unless he has a personality transplant

A contact order can only be used to force you to make your child available to her other parent it cannot force the other parent to be make himself available. There is no way a court can make a nrp have contact if he does not wish to.

[MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong]

Sock it's me- its make. I think you have been on my other posts?

[BeaWheesht]

People are onl trying to be nice IMO - what else can they say? If they said 'oh I know it's so shit for you but not me' that'd be worse surely?

Also don't assume everyone in a relationship is having a wonderful time - I'm not just talking about abuse I mean the ones who just snipe at each other, the ones who don't do anything together, the ones where there partner never helps, the ones where their partner works but they're still struggling to survive and aren't entitled to any benefits. The grass truly isn't always greener.

I am a Sahm but have never had night away from the kids and my parents are pretty far away and very ill so to me some aspects of your situation like being near your parents are enviable. I know it must be tough for you (or do I? ;) ) but can you see what I mean?

[GirlWiththeLionHeart]

Op I know your original name on here from what you've described on here and know youve gone through a tough time. I don't think your friends mean any malice in what they've said to you.

Do you want to find a new partner? Do you think you'll start dating sometime when dd is older?

[CorrStagnitto]

ive been a single parent for 20 yrs

its very hard, but also very rewarding, nothing wrong with having a rant about it either, take it easy and be kind to yourself [manly pat on the back]

[Astley]

Ok, but DH is on the army, last year was away for 7 months. I have friends whom are single parents, their exs have their DC every other weekend, at least half of school hols and some have the children one night mid week too.

So actually, yes, I think 7months totally on your own with no break whatsoever is actually comparable to that.

Why does it have to be a competition?

[lydiajones]

YANBU. However, if you have no family support around and are new to an area being a mum with a partner can be very hard too if they work long hours.

[CorrStagnitto]

op never implied it was a competition, and i dont think 7 months on your own while your dh is away is the same, you dont have the same financial worries, you know he will be back at some point in time, i assume you have contact with him so have some sort of emotional support through that etc etc, seems to me like youre the one making it into a competition not the op

she just wanted a rant

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Yep just figured out its you. Scrap the previous post then I now know what your talking about

[acceptableinthe80s]

Yes well Astley presumably your dh is being paid and financially supporting his family whilst in the army so actually no it's not comparable.
Oh and lots of single parents are doing it completely alone with no paternal contact.

[jollyhappy]

Moan moan away Op.

My nana was a single mum and was the most awesome mum ever and the best ever nana.Whenever i think i can't cope I think of her for inspiration.

I am not a single parent. Funny enough I had a new single mum over to mine last week and she went on and on about how I had a DH. I didn't say anything to contradict her and just listened as I figured it would just add to her conflict.

But when I think about my situation I try not to think about all the people with more help than I have as otherwise I can feel a bit sorry for myself and get down. My DH has been working horrendous hours so I have hardly seen him for a year. I've been really ill. We have no family near and the family far away are not interested. The support network i have had - hasn't been able to help. But I take strength from the fact that if I can get through this with young kids then I can figure I can do anything...

Good luck!

[Astley]

Actually, I don't think anyone who has a husband going on tour has the luxury of 'knowing they will be back at some point'.

[jollyhappy]

Astley - hats off to you.

As DumSpiroSpero says we all have different circumstances!

[CorrStagnitto]

youre in a different situation astley and you well know it, your life may well be hard but its different and you were the one turning into a competition not the op (even more so playing the 'he might not return from tour' card)

maybe you can start your own thread if you need to offload

[DIYapprentice]

What on earth is wrong with just saying 'Oh my goodness, I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must be.'

Astley - Because you know your DH in the army, even though away, is there for you emotionally, and is supportive of you. He sends emails/letters, gifts, makes phone calls, etc. He is financially supporting you. And you have his visits home to look forward to.

I also had a DH who worked incredibly long hours and travelled a lot. So I was responsible for everything, the DC barely saw him for a few years. Yes, I sole parented, but I wasn't a single parent. There is a big difference between the two.

(And not all single mothers have exes who will take the dc away for a few days, and some of them that do are terrified of it and sit there feeling awful the whole time the exes have the dc... )

[DoctorRobert]

I think people are only trying to empathise.

As a SAHM whose friends all work, and whose DH also works long hours and isn't here all weekend either, it's the sort of thing I might say to a single mum too, as a statement of solidarity. It wouldn't be said to irritate - I genuinely do think I have an inkling of what it's like, the vast majority of my time is spent alone with my toddler.

[Lweji]

I think it's ok to rant about your circumstances, but not about other people not understanding or claiming to be worse than those other people.

And yes, I am a single parent. Have been for over two years now.
Personally, I found life harder with exH.

Personally, I am one to see the positive in things and do something about it.
If I need to see people, I go out or reach out.

Also, regarding contact, I agree that I'd let it go. You can't force it, and TBH why wish a twat on your LO?

[DIYapprentice]

Oh and Astley - I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is, sending off a DH to a war zone. I won't pretend to.