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AIBU?

Is it ok to leave a 4 year old at home while you do the school run? AIBU?!

147 replies

3MonthMaid · 14/05/2013 08:20

Ok so I don't want to sound judgey, but I am genuinely concerned about this. My neighbour has started leaving her 4 year old DD at home in the flat whilst she collects her older son from school.

We live very close to school, but as its a huge school it can easily take half an hour at times. The classes are late coming out, the teacher wants a word etc etc.

It should be added that the little girl in question is pretty feisty. I've seen her climb up the fridge, run herself baths, open the front door etc.

I'm just concerned- on the other hand I'm wondering if its me being too over cautious? My DD is a few years older and I wouldn't do it...

OP posts:

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olivertheoctopus · 14/05/2013 14:13

No, YANBU. Not sure what you actually do about it though. Presuambly the 4yo will be starting school in Sept anyway?

Flicktheswitch · 14/05/2013 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Still18atheart · 14/05/2013 14:24

YANBU That is far too young.

valiumredhead · 14/05/2013 14:38

oliver if the mother thinks this behaviour is acceptable she might but the child at risk in other ways after she has started school.

Of course that's if the child is being left at all. That's why SS need t be told so they can assess the situation properly.

MadMumToThree · 14/05/2013 14:59

School run may only be 4 minutes or whatever but what about the day there's a hold up or you get caught up in an accident? NevermNever right to leave a child that young alone

CoffeePleaseSir · 14/05/2013 15:06

No, never ever, not in a million years, op are you going to have a word with your neighbour or report this before something awful happens.

ExitPursuedByABear · 14/05/2013 15:10

Wonder where the op is?

sarahtigh · 14/05/2013 15:17

this is obviously not right

I think a 4 year old could be left for like 2 minutes in the house while you went to garden to getting washing in, or you went into your own garage to get screwdriver or to take your bin to the end of the drive or to be left watching TV while you are in kitchen but not while you go across to school even if it is opposite house, unless of course you mean standing in your gate just watching the older child until you see them go through school gate

you are not close to school if it takes 30 minutes, it only takes me 40 minutes to do school run and it is 8 miles away

Guitargirl · 14/05/2013 15:59

ArabellaBeaumaris - please tell me I am having a sense of humour failure and you don't really leave a 20 month old asleep at home while you do the school run...?

spidersandslugs · 14/05/2013 16:04

Yanbu. 10 is a more sensible age to leave a child on his/her own for a couple hours during the day.

halcyondays · 14/05/2013 16:06

yanbu, far too young to be alone in the house, why doesnt she just take her with her?

pleasestoptalking · 14/05/2013 16:11

I wouldn't leave a 4-year-old at home alone. I have popped something down to a neighbour who is 4 doors down the road but that is the extent of it.

I think some people chose the easy option over the safest option - such as the discussion over whether to leave children in the car when you go to the shops. Your kids are precious, why would you potentially put them at risk to save you a bit of hassle?

SomethingOnce · 14/05/2013 16:15

Fuck, no, judge away. YANBU.

batfuttocks · 14/05/2013 16:16

Guitargirl I was also wondering the same thing.....

Alwayscheerful · 14/05/2013 16:23

Guitargirl & batfuttocks - the 20 month old is left with her partner, not alone.

Faxthatpam · 14/05/2013 16:31

Always She actually did say "or is asleep in her cot", but it was crossed out... so hoping she didn't actually mean it!

Hulababy · 14/05/2013 16:44

Schools WILL act on information like this btw. It does not have to be about a child in their school - they will act on information about siblings and the whole family of a child in the school. I know this is the case. We have dealt with similar in recent times.

3MonthMaid · 14/05/2013 17:00

Sorry have been at work all day.
To answer a few questions - I am not making any assumptions, twice now I have asked her where the younger child is and she has told me she is at home watching tv and she is "fine" etc. I know this lady quite well btw.

I can't really offer to have the child myself as I'm also on a school run and then rushing to work. I have offered to take the older child (who is 6) to school with my DD, but understandably he wants him mum to take him... Plus this is more a pick up issue than a morning issue.

I was also worried by the fact that once whilst on the morning run, she said she had left the 4 y.o in the car down the road while she bought the older one into school playground. The 4 y.o appeared in the playground a few minutes later. She had got out of the car and wandered down the road and in. Huge crowds at that time of the morning and I was horrified that she was on her own out there on the street. The mum wasn't at all concerned though...

I have to say, this mum is a very good mum, she just has slightly different ways of doing things. She is from an Eastern European country and often claims that they do things differently.

OP posts:

walesmum · 14/05/2013 17:04

I would ring Social Services first thing tomorrow morning and tell them the time ( so they can turn up ) she is being left alone , especially if it's going on regularly . You would never forgive yourself if anything happened to the child. 4 years old is far , far , too young to be left for any significant length of time , even if she does seem quite feisty. I'm worried for the child just sitting here merely thinking about it . I think because i work with children (in that age group and younger ) and i have to do risk assessments for my place of work , basically everything is a risk where very young children are concerned. Children have more accidents with small toddler proof chairs than you could imagine, so god help that this child has access to the kitchen , appliances, water etc etc .

Shutupanddrive · 14/05/2013 19:11

No way!

Molehillmountain · 14/05/2013 19:31

No way should a four year old be left alone. It would be lovely to go without ds on the school run sometimes but it just isn't okay.

mummy1973 · 14/05/2013 19:40

It is not OK and your obvious concern must mean you know that to. Please do something.

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Oldraver · 14/05/2013 20:24

No its not ok, not ever. The Mum may say that they do things differently, but she needs to realise that she risks being bought to the attention of SS if she continues to so this.

IRCL · 14/05/2013 20:29

4?! Jesus

Way too young! I would be concerned.

Lavenderandlimes · 14/05/2013 20:30

Refer to social services

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