to quit my job in this climate?

[burntoutteacher]

Hi all

Need some MN wisdom, regular ( although not on AIBU), have namechanged as I dont want to out myself. This is more of a wwyd to be honest.

I am a secondary school teacher, been in job 8 years, at top of pay scale and also have extra responsibilities. However I am miserable. School are heaping more and more work on me, I rarely leave the building before 6, later some nights, then im back in front of my computer screen when dd is in bed. Admittedly some parts of the year are worse than others and I am currently in the middle of one of the crap parts (exam season), but I want to leave. Other things are swamping me about the job, increasing targets, incredible scrutiny from parents, heads, bloody Gove, Ofsted. There also feels to be a culture of kids being encouraged by pastoral leaders to complain about teachers and I have spent the last month defending myself against things I'm supposed to have said or done to upset xyz kid. Its exhausting and so damaging for the self esteem, I feel crap at my job in spite of gettting good results.
Heres the thing, I want out of teaching completely because I feel done with it. My DP is postively encouraging me to resign and said he will finanacially support me through a careeer change (socia work or OT) and although it would be tight, he could cover it. I can't help but feel though that it is madness to walk out of a well paying job without another one to go to, and one that lots of people would love to have. .
I'm in my mid 30's, one child and the idea of being a full time student while dp works his backside off feels so self indulgent to me. There is a deadline to resign coming up (31stMay) and I just cant write the letter. DP is getting increasingly frustrated with my indecisiveness and feels that I am being unreasonable not to take his offer but then complain about being unhappy.

AIBU? does anyone else think that it would be crazy to just leave and sort out a course/another job after I've left? my mum is climbing the walls btw, thinks im throwing everything away, which fills me with more doubt, that I am indeed..... 'throwing it all away'

I'd quit and go on supply until my head sorted itself out and I had a better idea of what I wanted to do. By going on supply, you instantly remove a huge amount of all the extra stress, which helps a lot.
Your DP is right, your mother is not. You will get to the point where you will either leave or crack into small pieces soon, and you want to seriously avoid that outcome.

Just spotted you're in Manchester, supply in an urban situation is good, especially if you can be out the door and there in 20 mins.

4 years ago I handed in my notice on the last possible day, without anything else to go on to. I just knew I didn't want to stay where I was. I then got a maternity cover in a lovely school which took me through from September to Easter. I then did a term of supply while looking for another job.

That year gave me the chance to "recover" from my previous job, re-build my self esteem and re-discover my love of teaching. I'm now back in a job I love, in a new year group, with different responsibilities.

Be brave. Take the plunge. Once you've done it, give yourself time to think about what you want to do before you jump in.

Would it be any better at another school? I know some schools are more challenging than others. If you have a lot of experience, maybe a change of school may help?

Or what about a complete change of gear? My DP works part time in an office whilst she studies and one day she hopes to be in OT too. So whilst it's not her dream job right now it works for us because it brings home a bit of money which helps pay for the luxuries, means more time at home with the kids and enables her to study.

The thing to bear in mind is that there are few well paying jobs which are not stressful to some degree. I don't think there are many jobs nowadays which are simple 9-5.

I would resign as life is too short.

I am a teacher too (although in FE) and the increasing targets now are crazy. Lots of people I work with are feeling the pressure.

I still love being in the classroom though, it is just all the shit outside of it. I haven't even got the decent pay, think i would be on £26,000 if i was full time.

I would probably do another year though to be financially better off.

If you do go for it then you need to sort out finances. You say it would be tight, well that is based on minimal interest rates on your mortgage or on the mortgage of the person you rent from. What if mortgage rates go up? Do you have a savings buffer that could see you through the period of your retraining?

I dont think it is as simple as "Life is not a rehearsal" because while it could be the best thing you ever did, it could equally be the worst so you need to look at all the possible negatives and have a plan in place for each of them.

Personally I would live on your DHs wages alone for as long as it takes you to save all of your wages up to the point where you could cover the mortgage and bills for the period of your studies. Then you could do it safe in the knowledge that if the worst should happen, you will still have enough in the bank to survive.

Another nurse that walked, here. I was working as a ward sister last year, and was burning out.
I had no job to go to, and spent eight months doing bank and agency work, with minimal responsibilty and able to leave the stress as I left the building, as it wasn't 'mine'
I re-learned what I love about nursing, and am back as a ward sister, but in a slower paced ward (and plenty of old men to flirt with )
I'd say, go for it, life is not a rehearsal.
The rest of my life has improved significantly, I am not stressy, shouty mum now, and dh and I get on so much better.

Mightbe, I like older adult and mental health so far, but to be honest, I don't know enough about any of the fields to be able to say for sure which I'd prefer. Thanks for the input though and it's certainly food for thought.
I know it seems bonkers to leave now with no job, but I honestly can't face another night crying on the phone to a stranger at the teachers support network because yet another child has made a complaint. I just can't. If I don't get into a course this year I will certainly not be idle...I'm a very driven and motivated person and I would put that year to good use. If my DP had his way I would be doing a course in massage or something as I love that as well, but I just wouldn't pursue that as a career because it isn't viable.

I'm a teacher as well and 7 years ago I felt exactly the way you describe. I HATED teaching and I wanted out, I was even contemplating an "accident" so that I would be off sick for a few months. I did realise how unhinged that was though so didn't do it. I resigned instead, then found a job in another school, thinking that if it was the same in the other school I would know I needed to leave teaching altogether.

My new school was lovely, such a change from the old one. Much fewer challenging pupils, and proper support from SMT when there were incidents. Less paperwork as well, they actually trust us to be professional enough to be planning lessons without needing to hand in lesson plans a week in advance (as if things don't change from one lesson to the next), fewer meetings, etc.

I definitely say you should leave your current job, if it's making you this miserable you don't need to be doing it for another year. I would take some time to think carefully about what you want to do next, possibly supply, possibly some tutoring, possibly shelf stacking as a complete break from teaching. I wouldn't commit to a new career/course without doing some serious research into it and you probably don't have time to do that in time to get onto a course for September.

I too left teaching with nothing to go to. I gotta temp post in a lovely school and went on to do a maternity cover and then had my own children. My last years were infinitely better but once I had kids I switched with DH's full support. You will find a wAy. We regret what we don't do..also life is too short to stay in a job you hate, it can make you ill, as mine did. Go for it, you sound resourceful so will find something. Bet of luck go for it girl!

I recently left teaching after feeling like you do. Unfortunately I left too late as my stress had got so bad that I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Six months later I am still not well enough to work but I'm loving being a SAHM (with a school age child). I am looking into new careers and my only regret is not leaving sooner.

Part of my job involves solving poblems before they even happen, and that's exactly what you're doing here. Life is too short to be miserable, so don't feel guilty for looking for a way to change that.

I quit a very well paid but soul destroyingly miserable job 3 years ago. I spent two years doing a basic, part time minimum wage job (was all I could get at the time) and have spent the past year studying for a new qualification.

Money wise its been tight and we've done without a lot of luxuries, and have relied on my partner to pick up most of the slack financially. He could see how miserable the job was making me and fully supported me doing whatever it took to make me happy again. Once I'm qualified we'll be in a much, much better financial position, and the job will offer a much better work/life balance, which I don't get right now.

I would say look into all your options, and budget to see how much wiggle room you will have financially. Can you apply for the courses before you resign so you know for definite you'll have something lined up? Can you have a supply agency lined up before you quit as a safety net? What about posibly doing other jobs to tide you over til you start your course?

If its financially viable then do it. Work is too big a part of your life to let it make you miserable.

Actually could you do what guanosoup did? Quit and do supply teacher for a bit? Since you don't NEED the money to pay the bills, this could be a good compromise.

I'm all in favour of leaving a job that makes you miserable, but I'm another one who would suggest you quit your current job and do supply teaching for a year, then see how you feel next year.

My reason for saying that is I wonder how much you know of the alternative careers you're considering. All private sector jobs have the same problems as far as I can see. Cuts, leading to redundancies, meaning that the people remaining are doing twice the work. There is a lot of misery in a recession, so people are more ready to complain if they feel unhappy, so litigation and complaints are increasing. Bureaucracy and box-ticking are now endemic in the public sector, often at the expense of care for clients.

My concern is that you would end up banging your head against the same brick walls as you are now, only with a fraction of the annual leave!

I'm in my 30s and I'm in my first year of an MSc in OT. I love it! If you really want to do it, go for it, but my advice is to plan carefully. There were only 10 places on my MSc so you must show that you have relevant skills or experience and have done some research into OT. This is so you can say why you want to become an OT.

Ring your chosen University for advice. I had to do academic study prior to interview as my original post-grad was #ahem# too long ago. Paying for study is also a good way to show that you are committed to the programme.

As for your job, keep it as long as possible until you know you're on the course so you can save for the time when you're a student. Best of luck, you only live once!

Andmightbemine my particular interest is sensory integration therapy so I might see you in a couple of years.

OK - here's my take on it, if what you are finding stressful is government targets, paperwork, not being able to do the actual job, then you should not be looking at another career in the public sector, try looking outside that - careers that can be purely in the private sector.

In the short term, would you be less stressed if you went back to being solely a class teacher - give up the extra responsibility. Could you do that for next year for a year (look for another teaching job like that) - it will be a drop in income, but you might find you are a lot less stressed. Another option would be to look at private schools.

It might be worth thinking do you actually like classroom teaching, in which case trying to get a role closer to just that might be better for you. (You might get questionmarks about wanting to go 'backwards' in your career, but sod it, if you can afford not to work at all you can afford to take a drop in salary to go to a more junior role in a private school without the extra responsibility).

The pressures and the stresses of the state sector are pretty much universal for all careers with a caring aspect in the state sector, it could well be frying pan to fire situation if you don't think outside that. What's your original degree in?

It's why supply worked for me, all the fun of teaching and children with no guilt or targets or politics or OFSTED pressure.
Bad day, you didn't have to go back to that school.It also showed me what mini-autocracies so many schools were, run by dictators who wanted their own queendom.
I never worked more than a week in any place, my choice. It was lovely.

A Mori poll did show that many teachers quit after 5 years due to the nature of the job.

I quit after six.

Like you I had responsibility points.
Like you I was pretty much top of the pay scale.
Like you I was burnt out and this was flagged up by the dread in the pit of my stomach at the end of Sunday night or holidays...

...and the fear - in spite of both good Ofsted and good results, positive residuals etc - that I would be 'found out' that I wasn't much cop after all. The job can really make your self esteem suffer especially if you haven't worked in a cross-section of schools.

Like you I had a supportive partner to support me financially.

Like you I wanted a career change and to see what else was out there as I feared I was 'institutionalised'.

Like you I worked in Manchester.

I have read Help! I'm a teacher get me out of here! and the Frank Chalk blog subsequently but when I quit I had just had enough. I had tried and failed (self sabotage on two occasions) to side step to another school so when May came round I too thought Life is too short.

I ought to point out we were double income, no kids at the time and also had no mortgage.

So what happened next? In the eleven years that have followed

I tried and failed at call centre work/working in IT
I tried and failed at cold calling work/sales and recruitment
I did supply work and realised how good a teacher I actually was and also how easy I had had it but not realised at the time
I considered community police service and midwifery but had a child by this time and couldn't do shift work - had done adult ed at night but did not see it as long term option, more an add-on when had no kids
I looked into traveller's education, outreach sex ed, museum ed but did not have the right experience
I applied for literacy and support roles including non-teaching pastoral but was overqualified, not qualified enough or passed over for internals/admin
I considered just being a teaching assistant for a while and did some of this on supply and inclusion work
I considered retraining for primary to find I couldn't actually do this but did do some primary on supply but number of jobs competitive
I did some long term maternity cover
I found supply work was paying 18k per year and work was drying up due to learning cover supervisors
I became a learning cover supervisor
I emigrated
I became a postman
I taught a bit of language school, a bit of private tuition and primary age group for a while.
I am currently on maternity leave but am a minimum-wage childcare creche worker. My partner is the 'breadwinner'.

My CV would look like a downward spiral and I would and will seriously need to buff it/explain my choices.

Some decisions were poor but it is easier to regret stuff you do rather than stuff you don't. Some decisions were influenced by pregnancy and some by sheer bad timing.

Beckett: ever tried and failed? Try again. Fail better.

What I do know:

Supply work is not easy nor constant nor lucrative, not any more.
A career change with further study involved better sooner than later.
If you are a born teacher you can leave school but it will never leave you!
If you put your partner in the financial support role you cannot complain if you find yourself the SAHM/homemaker.
Similarly he shouldn't resent you for it or throw it back if it was offered willingly at the time.
You need to keep up with new developments as teaching and the bs that goes with it is ever evolving.
You need to decide whether it is the job that sucks or your school or SMT/colleagues that suck more.

In hindsight knowing all I know now I would have changed schools first probably a couple of times before giving up on my career or I would have changed my responsibility/stepped down for a while (part time is for me half the pay for twice the hassle but not for everyone. Cover supervision is easier if you don't mind full contact time for 18k salary but easier if you know the school and the kids).

What I really would say to my 20something self would have been:'
You are good at what you do.
You are good with kids.
You worry too much.
You are doing too much.
Stand up to SMT/line managers/hod if unfairly criticised.
You know more than the average Ofsted inspector.
Strive to balance work and life - the odd book going unmarked or by the seat of your pants lesson is not going to kill you.

However if it is affecting your mental health to the extent that you cannot bear another day then it is a no-brainer: You get out (and live with the consequences later down the line if you do not find a viable alternative).

I hope my essay has not bored you too much or depressed you. I think I could go all the way i.e. management were I to re-enter the profession now - knowing all I know now - but that is the glory of hindsight and experience and besides my CV is now fucked diverse

To answer earlier queries... Most OT in a hospital/community NHS setting is leaning towards 7 day working. Quite right too. Rehab and assessments shouldn't stop for 2 days out of 7. although I'm glad my service isn't 7 day working yet

If you look on nhs job website for band 5 OT - see what it comes back with.

Funnily enough I left my last OT post as I was miserable and stressed. I thought I hated OT. I found a new job ad was much happier. Like others have said - maybe it's not teaching you hate, but the school you're at?

I meant to say "all public sector jobs have the same problems", not private sector

Hi burntoutteacher, this could have been me 10 years ago ! I retrained as an OT in my mid 30s via the undergraduate route and now also have an MSc. I don't regret my career change
a) as it has given me huge flexibility to be around far more for my child than would have been possible in my previous profession (a lot of international travel, long, long hours ) and allowed my DH to have more geographical flexibility in his subsequent career choices
b) I believe in the power of occupation and am very proud of the difference I and my colleagues can make to the lives of families we work with. I do feel that I make a far more meaningful contribution to society now, and that is really valuable to my self-esteem

However, in retrospect I am still 'me', being highly motivated to always be the 'max' as a mum and an OT and now I think I realise this can be a real source of internal challenge in any career. So nearly 10 years on, I think I could have also benefited from first taking a half way house "time out" in a less 'full on' version of my previous career, to see if this also could give the work/life balance we all so much want for ourselves and families. But when you are burnt out or questioning your purpose it can be hard to have the confidence to think you can make or secure these changes, right !!

My DH has worked as a teacher, so I have some insight into just how much time and commitment goes into being an educator "after 3.15". My experience is that OT now involves a not dis-similar level of extra commitment and pressure : the reality is that most professional development of any depth ends up being on your own time and self-funding of postgraduate courses necessary to practice in areas such as Sensory Integration seems to be becoming the norm. I see many staff working huge numbers of extra hours/days often at inconvenience to their own kids and family / preparing and sourcing resources on their own time/money and there is increasing juggling of managerial work alongside "being" an OT. Also, the NHS job market is somewhat limited at present : the number of qualified OTs also seeking NHS OTA posts seems to be on the rise , so increasing numbers of OTs are finding their feet in NGOs etc rather than the more structured NHS / social services posts of the past.

I know you feel that finances do not limit your decision, whereas I was very innocent about 'the real world' of public sector pay and benefits in the comfort of my previous profession and (maybe I should be ashamed of this, given what some people have to cope with) have found that transition to 'starter' pay levels hard at times, hence my lurking on credit crunch threads. Nevertheless, I would recommend really spending time investigating how you find working in a more flexible version / variation of your current profession. OT education is really great at supporting mature students, so you have lots of time to think such a major change through !

However, investigating change could be very inspiring and uplifting for you and give you a confidence boost about all the skills you already have ! If you find it hard to get to visit OT teams locally , then spend time with charitable / volunteer organisations working with similar client groups such as Mind, Scope, Stroke Association, Age UK etc etc or look at the Special Needs threads on mumsnet to hear first hand the experiences of people who want or need occupational support in their lives.

I wish you well in your search for occupational balance !

Very good post by BeyonceCastle.
I am not a teacher so don't know how bad it might be with reviews and rules etc.
But I think I would try and ride it out and see if things improve.

There are bad parts to the job, but there are also good parts - holidays being one advantage.

I think lots of jobs are bad and stressful etc and you might find yourself jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

You have invested a lot of time in training and in your career. I think I would try and move to another school with different colleagues first, before leaving it all behind.

quit teaching if you hate it

but if hate it because of late nights, unmanageable workload, increasing targets and complaints, then do think v-e-r-y carefully before going into social work.

also agree that there are very few jobs for newly qualified SWs in the current environment (child protection excepting)

I would think very carefully, even as a NHS domestic I am feeling the strain. More work is being put on my team and the I do about 5 courses a year which are mandatory and even I have paperwork to do.

Trying to get annual leave is a nightmare and the shifts are told to you 2 weeks in advance. Unless you have a dedicated ward.