To christen your child when you do not attend church a bit showy

[Illustrationaddict]

I struggle with the idea of christening your child if you do not regularly attend church (as in more than Christmas and a friends wedding). Got a few coming up and know the parents don't go. I am not religious, but find it strange when people who do not attend church insist on vowing to raise their child with the christian faith. I have to say I find the whole concept a bit showy, why not just be honest and throw your child a welcome to the world party? AIBU?

[HorryIsUpduffed]

I was baptised as an adult and really valued the commitment. Although I'd had embarrassing moments as a child ("What?! You aren't christened!?") I'm glad my parents left the decision to me.

I absolutely theologically and rationally reject the idea that an unbaptised child could be refused entry to heaven on that basis. Coming to Christ is a journey, not a tick on a list.

We had Thanksgiving for our DC, not baptism. This caused certain rumblings within the family, which pissed me off because none of them ever set foot in church except for weddings, funerals or christenings, even at Christmas or Easter. They did calm down when we explained there would still be a party with food and cake and a bar.

I get why people who aren't committed to Christianity would choose to have their babies baptised, but on the grounds that it is something I would never do, YANBU.

[WilsonFrickett]

Do the posters who are 'hedging their bets' think that God (if God exists) would deny a child entrance to heaven (if heaven exists) on the basis of that child not being Christened or baptised?

[Kaekae]

Both my children are christened we don't go to church anymore, not that I don't want to but I can't find a church locally that does a family service.

[WilsonFrickett]

Xpost with Horry there!

[Bosgrove]

I am a Christian (and go every week), but I am another one who has her children dedicated, when they get older they can make their own minds up about whether or not to get baptised.

I don't have a problem with people who choice to get their children baptised as babies, after all, the water doesn't make the child (or adult in my case) a Christian, it is the belief in God.

When a christened teenager / adult decides to believe in God they can be either baptised or confirmed depending on the church they then attend, my Mum was Christened and Confirmed, my Dad Christened and Baptised, and I was dedicated and baptised.

I have two Godchildren, as one of my friends put it, at least one of their Godparents should believe, and I am going to the christening of another friends baby this weekend, for some people it is just a party, for others it has more meaning. But I truly believe that no one can chose your faith for you, it has to be a personal belief.

[HorryIsUpduffed]

Great minds think alike, Wilson.

I think even the Roman Catholic Church has abandoned the concept of Limbo now, hasn't it?

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

Churches DO charge and it's not all registrar fees! It cost my friend £800 to marry in church and that's not unusual these days. Registry offices are wayyyy cheaper.

[squoosh]

The RC church has done away with the concept of Limbo (at long last) however it's very difficult for people of a certain generation to abandon what they've been taught for decades, that an unbaptised child will never get to heaven, just because the church has had a bit of a modern rethink.

[sunshine401]

So you don't celebrate Christmas then OP??
People do these things for tradition and because our country is meant to be church of England.

[WilsonFrickett]

My country isn't church of England, thanks sunshine

YY Horry apparently limbo has been consigned to limbo (sorry!).

[Sirzy]

People often celebrate Christmas with no reference to the religious side, you can't have a christening without religion so the two arent really comparable

[sunshine401]

Babies do not have to be christened, they can have a naming day. Which is the same thing without the religious side. BUT some people have a christening because it is tradition In this country . Just like Christmas and Easter.

[cinnamonbun]

YABU. Until non-Christian children stop being discriminated against when it comes to school intake, I won't feel bad in the slightest for christening my child despite not believing in God!

[Phineyj]

Christmas was tacked on to the existing pagan midwinter festival by the early church and I'm pretty sure some form of naming or welcome ceremony would have existed before Christianity too.

YANBU, it is very naughty to make promises you have no intention of keeping. What an example to set a child!

[hiddenhome]

I used to go to CofE church. Ds1 was suffering from adhd and social difficulties and used to play in the choir vestry at the back of church. He wasn't noisy, but was noticeable as he would keep coming out to find me even though I was sitting just near him.

Anyway, the christening crowd would turn up in their fancy clothes during the Sunday family service and I would be glared at for having ds1 This used to happen every few weeks or so and it was obvious that they didn't want their stupid 'celebration' spoiling even though they never went to church

[Umlauf]

Do those of you who think the OP INBU have a completely religion-free Christmas? Do your children take part in the Nativities? Do you play religious carols? Have holly on display as decoration? Have Santa Claus (rather than Father Christmas) visit? Do you say 'Happy Holidays' or 'season's greetings' instead of 'merry christmas?'

Christmas can be celebrated in an entirely secular way, and I'm assuming you must do, otherwise it would be hypocritical, wouldn't it to the judgy brigade ???

[cantspel]

If someone can say the baptism promise and mean it then fine but if you are only saying the words so you get a party and some nice photos then yabu

[FreyaSnow]

I am an atheist and my children are baptised. I did this because my parents and DH's parents are religious.

In terms of religion, the primary purpose of baptism is that the person being baptised receives the sacrament of baptism. It is a thing that God is doing to the baby, not really to the parents. The fact that the parents don't actually believe in it and don't mean the vows they are saying should be completely secondary to that. Presumably nobody believes God is up there thinking, 'hmm, those vows weren't convincingly said, I'll deny my grace to that baby on this occasion as the parents are a bit dodgy"

If you actually believe that a child should not get baptised because the parents don't mean their vows, then you either don't believe in baptism or you do believe in it but think that children should be denied the sacraments on the basis of their lack of religious belief, which is utterly bizarre.

[Izzybuzzybuzzybees]

In Scotland you do not have to pay the church anything to be married or christened in it however a donation to the minister for performing the wedding ceremony is usually expected.

[Sirzy]

Sorry I think baptising children into a faith you don't believe in is nothing short of bizzare. I can't get my head around why anyone would do it. As a christian I wouldn't take my son to be welcomed as a muslim (or any other religion)

[Weegiemum]

Freya - see even as a Christian I don't think that baptism gives any special grace from God. Gods grace is freely given, it's not about what you do.

I totally believe that my children have received Gods grace all their lives. They've never been baptised (as both dh and myself don't agree with infant baptism - took us years to work out the knots in our own heads about having been baptised as infants and also wanting to have believers baptism as adults). It will be up to them after they are 16 to make up their own minds.

[FreyaSnow]

WM, most people aren't baptised into the church of weegiemum, they're mostly baptised in the UK into either the Roman Catholic or Anglican churches. These are both sacramental churches who believe that baptism is a sacrament. They believe it is an outer sign of an inner grace that the person receiving the sacrament receives from God.

What matters is the beliefs of the person who is carrying out the baptism. That will be an ordained member of those churches, or more rarely a lay person doing it if they are in a situation where no ordained person is available.

[flowery]

Comparing singing a few Christmas carols to making solemn religious vows in a ceremony in a church that you have no intention of keeping is ridiculous IMO.

[kerala]

YANBU and agree with flowery too, Christmas and Christenings aren't the least comparable .

DHs parents solemnly baptised DH and his brother despite being not remotely religious. They seemed to think it was something you "did" as everyone else was doing it. I think it shows a lack of imagination. We had lovely summer garden parties for both our girls, invited extended family, drank champagne and read out a little welcome speech and some poems (my grandfather was a poet and has a lovely new baby poem). Was a nice chance for people to meet the baby and have a low key family get together have such happy memories of both these.

[Umlauf]

well surely if the parents/godparents don't believe in God, then the solemn religious vows for them are merely pretty words, just as religious Christmas carols are merely pretty words to atheists... pot? kettle? Atheists should do neither, not pick and choose and then throw the word hypocrite around at non-practising Christians.