To christen your child when you do not attend church a bit showy

[Illustrationaddict]

I struggle with the idea of christening your child if you do not regularly attend church (as in more than Christmas and a friends wedding). Got a few coming up and know the parents don't go. I am not religious, but find it strange when people who do not attend church insist on vowing to raise their child with the christian faith. I have to say I find the whole concept a bit showy, why not just be honest and throw your child a welcome to the world party? AIBU?

[ZZZenagain]

I feel that if people who aren't regular church-goers or truly religious cannot mark special occasions with church ceremonies, it just serves to allienate them further from church culture which I would find a bit of a shame really. I wouldn't make it difficult for people who want to have christenings to do so.

[ReallyTired]

I find it odd to make promises that people have no intention of keeping. However churches are not there to judge. I feel a service of thanksgiving is better than a service of baptism for non believers/ non church attendence.

Many christians disagree with infant baptism because the baby cannot make promises.

Different people have different views on baptism. Ds was baptised at two and half, dd was baptised at 3 years 3 months at the same time as DH was 43 years old! Dd chose her own godparents and asked the priest to baptise her and her daddy. The priest smiled and said that if Daddy wanted wanted to be baptised then he would have to speak to her.

I left it until my children were old enough to walk and talk as I felt it was like Hannah presenting Samual to the high priest Eli at the temple. Some people feel that baby baptism is right because the new testament has a story of an entire household (jailer and his family) being baptised.

niv.scripturetext.com/acts/16.htm

There is also the view that baptism replaces circumism.

My sil is a baptist and I am not sure quite what she made of dh's baptism.

I think that standing up in front of a group of people and stating publically that you believe in Jesus is more important than a sprinkling of water. Children are unable to make a testomy, particularly babies.

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

I don't think that christening a baby is "forcing them into a religion they might not want". They can simply choose not to be a Christian. This is a free country. You are allowed to choose.

[quidget7882]

YANBU when the child's parents don't attend church themselves.

I come from a very religious family, some relatives are nuns. However I am not a practicing Catholic and will therefore not get my dc christened, even though I do not believe in God myself I feel very strongly that people are taking the piss when they get their child christened simply for a lovely day, that is not what it is about.

It's even worse when you receive an invitation to a Christening with a sodding 'baby doesn't want presents she already has so much - just make cheque's payable to mrs & mr arse'

[janey223]

DS was christened, I want him to grow up with religious input and go to a catholic school. I believe in most of Catholicism but hate going to church and feel preached at by a bunch of hypocrites :-/

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful]

chocs the thing is that when you get a child christened you are promising to bring the up in the christain faith. So you are either

1. raising them christain (indoctrinating them in the christain faith)
   
2. just don't it for show and you have no intention of raising them christain.
   
   that sounds like the issue is really black and white, I know it's actually much more of a grey area

[shewhowines]

My Dh wanted it, even though he is not 100% sure about God. He believes, but has many unanswered questions that makes him unsure. I guess he wanted to hedge his bets and cover the children's spiritual well being in the event it is all 100% true.

I agreed for him.

I am also a Godparent and yes, i did feel a hypocrite at the time but I see it more to agreeing to look out for my Godchildren generally, in their future and I did it for their parents who trusted me to look out for them. Some are religious themselves and didn't have a problem having a non believer as a godparent. They knew that although I wouldn't encourage their religious beliefs, I wouldn't discourage it either.

[DontmindifIdo]

I do go to church regularly, but even then, I don't think it's wrong to get yur DCs baptised in a church you don't regularly go to - you can have faith and not go every week (you can also go every week and have no faith, but that's what your family do).

A friend put it this way (who is a semi-regular church goer) - you can call yourself a Liverpool FC fan without being at Anfield every weekend.

There is also the cultural aspect of Christianity in what is still a predominately Christian country, in some families, generations of the same family have been baptised, married and then grieved in the same Church building, it's about family continuity. Plus while some people have thought about their faith and decided they don't believe in Christainty, a lot of people haven't really thought about it, they sort of do, sort of don't believe, they see church baptism as a family occasion without really thinking about the religious significance of it - it would be more making a statement not to do it, or to do a "naming ceremony".

[shewhowines]

true dontmind

I think some people just do it because thats what their family have always done. They haven't questioned it, but I don't think many do it to be "showy" I also think it would be more of a statement to choose not to do it.

[Mnetter111]

Baptism especially is a new start, a lot of people don't go regularly but retain Christian values, I can't see the harm really. You cant look in someone's heart and know their motivation for sure was the desire to wear a nice dress...I can't get worked up about what I might perceive as other people's hypocrisies, I have too many of my own to work on :)

[Sirzy]

Church attendance doesn't make someone Christian it is simply a way some Christians choose to worship.

I don't understand why someone who doesn't believe at all would want to get their child christened, and for some people it does seem to be a case of doing it for the party and presents rather than for the actual meaning of the christening and in those cases I really don't understand why that is done.

[PatPig]

I doubt churches make much money from Christenings and weddings. They do them because that's their role as the established church. They don't have a choice.

[Squitten]

We're not religious but we got all our kids christened. It was expected by our families, one side of which is very much practicing Catholic and the other side of which is not practicing but definitely "culturally" Christian. It meant an awful lot to them all, even if it didn't to us, and that's good enough for me.

[Sirzy]

They do make money from weddings but not christenings

[TobyLerone]

YANBU.

It's ridiculous and attention-whoring and a bit grabby.

[Whatalotofpiffle]

We did it and don't attend church, tbh, it was more the symbolism of the blessing than the actual religion. I appreciated the gesture when my mum got me christened.

I am fairly spiritual though and have 'faith' but not in the Christian sense

I agree that probably sounds bonkers and showy!

[Pigsmummy]

The Church doesn't charge a fee for either weddings or baptisms, the fee paid for wedding is made to the registrar for license, if you wish to make a donation to the priest it optional, you can also offer money towards the church in the same as you would a collection in a service.

[Whatalotofpiffle]

Also, faith is not in a building. Someone could have very strong private beliefs but not attend regularly

[Sirzy]

The church certainly does charge for weddings

[Bue]

My issue is with the big christenings, where you get an invite around 4/5months before, you know there will be 50+ invites going out, enough to rival a wedding. Gifts are expected, and they have a massive showy party after, but no ongoing church attendance.

God yes that does sound awful. I didn't actually realise those type existed beyond the realms of Hello! magazine! Never been to one, never want to.

[Bue]

And yes there is a definitely a charge for church weddings! It costs £440 this year.

[boschy]

Well, we had DD1 baptised by the priest who performed my father's funeral 7 weeks before she was born. We did it because we knew it would make my mother happy (although she wouldnt have minded if we didnt) and also because it kind of represented the circle of life and helped me with my grieving process. Its difficult to lose a parent very suddenly when you are just about to become one, and I missed my Dad so much on the day - although if he'd still been around, ironically, we prob wouldnt have done it!

Then we had DD2 baptised because it didnt seem fair not to, given that DD1 had been.

We have been sporadic churchgoers - DH and I at catholic boarding schools, and I used to take the DDs when they were little because the vicar was wonderful.

Dont care if its showy or not, it was what felt right at the time!

[shallweshop]

I consider myself a Christian but do not attend church. Both of my children have been christened. Whether or not they choose to believe when they are older is entirely up to them but, for now, they are being brought up to respect Christian values.

What I find even more hypocritical than people who use churches in the way the OP has outlined are people who regularly attend church and use it as a way of 'absolving themselves of sin' whilst living their day to day lives in a wholly unchristian way!

[olivertheoctopus]

I don't get it. I don't get why anyone would get married in a church if they aren't religious either. My sis and her DH rowed furiously about having their DCs christened but it was important to BIL and his family so she relented (and crossed her fingers the whole way through!!!)

[stillfeel18inside]

YANBU at all - and it's actually rather different to getting married in church if you read the service. In a marriage you're making promises to each other "in the sight of god", in a christening, you're actually promising to take that child to church regularly until it's of an age to take itself (or words to that effect) as well as bringing it up as a Christian. All my more sloaney friends have christened their kids as a matter of course because "you just do" and I've never heard of any of them actually going to church. Complete waste of time IMO.