To christen your child when you do not attend church a bit showy

[Illustrationaddict]

I struggle with the idea of christening your child if you do not regularly attend church (as in more than Christmas and a friends wedding). Got a few coming up and know the parents don't go. I am not religious, but find it strange when people who do not attend church insist on vowing to raise their child with the christian faith. I have to say I find the whole concept a bit showy, why not just be honest and throw your child a welcome to the world party? AIBU?

[Pootles2010]

Because its an important life event, bit more than a birthday, so we wanted to mark it in a special way.

Ceremonies aren't just for religion or legal reasons are they? Even in a Church christening the congregation pledges to support the family, iirc.

[Toadinthehole]

I'm a regular churchgoer. As far as I'm concerned, christening is good for the child, so I don't worry about what the parents do or don't believe. Obviously, both my children have been christened, but none of my nieces or nephews have been, and I feel sad about that.

It is silly to object to christening on the basis that a tiny baby hasn't "given consent". The average christened child will be just as free as any child to make their own choice about Christianity when they are older.

[LEMisdisappointed]

Yabu

[LimeLeaffLizard]

I understand what you mean - we dithered for years about having our DC christened because we didn't go regularly (even though I have always been a Christian in my heart). Once we started going to church regularly it felt like the right time. It wasn't 'showy'. Apart from the regular congregation, the only people we invited were close family. There were no special clothes and no party, just a quiet family lunch.

BUT, if someone wants to have their child christened and throw a big party, I'd be glad to accept their invite even if they aren't practising Christians. Maybe the child will be, one day. It is a lovely celebration.

So YABU.

I have noticed though, that there are sometimes a few amused expressions on the faces of the regulars when christening guests turn up in cocktail dresses and high heels. Boobs about to pop out isn't a good look for church (though I don't think God minds ).

[LEMisdisappointed]

Consent is a non issue i christened my dd shell now has a choice she haschosen not to take communion i hope shell will change her mind butr as she ist christened and educated as rc shell has the option

[Umlauf]

fair enough pootles, but then surely it is just as showy or not showy as a church Christening? The showy part of a ceremony isn't the religious part is it, it's the party.

I struggle to understand the perspective of if you don't go to church every day yet choose to celebrate your special occasions in a church you are a hypocrite. For many people the church is woven into the fabric of your upbringing and community, no matter how devoted you are to the deity in question.

[Beamae]

It's pointless and hollow. Probably just an excuse for a party and so that their kids can be the centre of attention in a pretty outfit and get presents. I recently went to my niece's christening. The whole church bit was completely without meaning and I spent the whole ceremony wondering how the vicar felt about it, knowing that he had never seen this family before and never would again. Maybe he just hopes that getting them in once will lead to them suddenly deciding to attend church.

Personally I find it a bit devious of churches to dedicate children to religious life before they are old enough to choose for themselves. Ceremonies should be for adults only. But then I am an atheist who wasted my youth on Catholicism and was too afraid to leave for years in case I caught fire.

[Pootles2010]

Nah I agree with you there, church christenings aren't showy! I was just disputing your point about naming ceremonies

Live & let live i say.

[KellyElly]

I don't agree they're showy but do agree with teh principle that is you aren't religious it's pointless to have a religious christening. My family don't agree with me though and keep telling me my DD needs to be Christened. Not one of the people telling me this attends church or is in any way religious!

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful]

I think a lot of the reasons none religious (or those ambivalent re religion) christen their kids is pressure from family. My mum was really keen on dd being christened I was not keen.

In the end we had a naming ceremony, mum thought it was beautiful and moving. if I'm honest I thought it was a bit showy and a pain in the arse to organise

Just wanted to make the point that naming ceremonies can be meaningful.

[fluffyraggies]

Allot of posters are saying the OP is YABU because the christening they had for their child was low key, close friends and family, and it meant allot to them because they have faith/have family with strong faith/want the child to have faith.

The thing is the OP (i think) is saying she thinks the above is fine, it's the big flashy christenings in family's who have not a jot of interest in faith and just want an excuse for a nother piss up, or to show off a bit, that is a bit , and i agree. I find all the pious faces and promising to renounce the devil and to bring the child up in the christian faith, while believing none of it and/or intending to do nothing of the sort, an utter farce. Embarrassing to witness even. And i've witnessed allot of them.

[NotYoMomma]

Nothing to do with showey...

EVERYTHING to do with a 94% pass rate and excellent ofsted reports

[flowery]

"I struggle to understand the perspective of if you don't go to church every day yet choose to celebrate your special occasions in a church you are a hypocrite."

Because it's not just about using the church as a venue for a celebration, it's about making solemn religious promises without meaning them and with no intention of keeping them. Thats what's hypocritical, if people who aren't Christians have a christening.

[eminemmerdale]

Have to admit here, I am a huge religious hypocrite in one sense. Eldest dd (despite not being christened) got into a very good church secondary school because her paternal grandfather was the Canon of Ely Cathedral at the time. So I should really shut up about christenings

[squoosh]

I've never attended a 'showy' christening, they've all be immediate family/a few friends type of affairs. I'm not religious and would be more than happy not to christen my children, the only thing that would persuade me otherwise would be my Mother's horror. She would have genuine fear for their soul. I know.............I know..............but it's the era she was brought up in.

In Ireland it's pretty unusual for someone not to be christened far more so than in the UK. I think christenings have become as much a cultural tradition as a religious one.

I would never get married in a church though.

[Illustrationaddict]

Wow, there certainly are a lot of opinions out there. Btw I was unaware of mumsnet rules regarding subject matter.

I just wanted to say I don't find small christenings a problem, in fact, a friend told me about how they arranged one with their local vicar about a fortnight beforehand. They only invited close family and a few friends, and baby was christened during normal service. Mum does attend this church. Sounded lovely and not OTT. My issue is with the big christenings, where you get an invite around 4/5months before, you know there will be 50+ invites going out, enough to rival a wedding. Gifts are expected, and they have a massive showy party after, but no ongoing church attendance. These are my bug bare. Sorry if that offends some of you.

[ProudAS]

I've heard of parents having thanksgiving services for the birth of the child. Not the same as baptism but doesn't involve making promises they are unlikely to keep.

[MummytoMog]

We don't go to church much because the kids are a total and utter nightmare. I haven't managed to get them christened yet, but I fully intend to. It actually makes me feel quite uncomfortable that they haven't been done yet.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful]

Op on that basis you would have thought my dds naming ceremony was showy and you would have been 100% right.
I'm sure lots of my friends thought dds party was completely ott. I spent weeks afterwards dropping hints it was all done to appease mum.

[DeskPlanner]

YANBU. People do it to get there children into church schools. Winds me right up.

[Illustrationaddict]

Well at least in a naming ceremony you are not promising to attend your local registry office and bring them up in this fashion.

Look I think if you want to have a party for your child, fine, I have no problem with that, just don't pretend it's something more deep and meaningful if you aren't going to follow through with the religious promises you make, that is all.

[IfYouCanMoveItItsNotBroken]

My sister married a catholic from the south of Ireland where the priest sorts out neighbour disputes etc as they are more efficient than the police apparently. She had to attend "nun classes" to teach her catholic ways before she was allowed to marry and she had to agree to her kids being brought up catholic. It's no skin off her nose but important to her husband, so married and christened her kids in church.

When her son was born she said she would like me to be godmother, so i attended the church to learn, I read up on catholicism etc. When the time drew near to have him christened I was quite prepared to guide him as best I could and would have continued to learn more, I knew how much it meant to my BIL. But the priest decided that I wasn't allowed to be a godparent, as I hadn't been christened in any faith.

I wrote a letter explaining that I would still be able to fulfil the function of a godmother without being christened as a child. I may or may not have pointed out that Pete Docherty and Amy Winehouse were both godparents and I thought I could do a better job than them. My sister told me that I should write angry ranty letters to the daily mail, not the church.

My granny is her kids' godmother, we don't know anyone else who has been christened.

[Pigsmummy]

I like the idea that they are least trying tbh, most schools will teach the basics of Christianity (you can't avoid the basics due to Christmas and Easter holidays) so this is a good start even if the parents don't take them to church. In this busy world we live in, church attendance isn't a measure of someone's beliefs.

It's much easier to opt out of religion rather than opt in later i.e. An adult trying to get baptised/confirmed has to attend courses in the Catholic church (I don't know about CofE).

[cory]

How do you know about people's beliefs from their attendance at church? My "church" is a mid-week prayer meeting with my disabled friend who can't make it to a more conventional venue. There is good Biblical authority to assume that this is a "real" church, but it doesn't do christenings.

[Fillyjonk75]

I don't think regular church attendance is necessary so much as belief in God. When we thought about getting married, we talked about it a lot and did actually want the religious element thought we were not regular church goers. We considered ourselves as Christians as wanted to be married by a vicar in a church. Also what swayed it for me further was that it was a female vicar and she was really bloody excellent.

Since having children I have reconsidered my views. In about 2006-2007 I made a point of actually sitting down and reading the NT and quite a lot of the OT. Then when I really thought about it, I decided I didn't believe the Bible was the word of God, and I didn't believe that Jesus was the Son of God. I much prefer the humanist view of things and since then I consider myself agnostic. Have also become disestablishmentarian since DD1 started school. I couldn't, in good conscience, stand up in church and say I will bring up DDs to be Christians and believe that Jesus is the Son of God (though I like some Christian values and try to live by them, and think that Jesus was a great example, but just a man, an extraordinary one but not supernaturally so). DH wasn't bothered about having them christened either, so we didn't and want them to make their own choices when they are older.

Also we don't have good friends who are religious who could be godparents. Most of our friends are athiests.

So returning to the OP's question, as long as someone CAN stand up in church in good conscience and say they believe in (and they actually try and live by) the tenets of Christianity, and so can their godparents, I think this is fine, and regular church attendance is neither here nor there.