to think that 7pm is not "exceptionally early" bedtime

[fishandlilacs]

for a 5 yr old and 17m old.

A throw away remark from my friend the other day. We were chatting and I commented that my dd rarely sleeps past 6am, I hasten to add this was a comment not a complaint, as a household we have always got up around 6am asmy DH gets up for work at that time. My friend said "well they do go to bed exceptionally early" and it sounded quite judgey to me.
They go to bed at 7pm, the baby goes straight to sleep and DD sometimes reads in her bed for a bit but usually decides to turn the light out before 7.30, at weekends shes allowed up til 8. Any later and she gets tired and emotional and cant cope with school.

[Bunbaker]

"I think a lot of people around the world scratch their heads and wonder what it is that British children do all day that exhausts them so much they need to be in bed by 7"

As the parent of a child who was never tired by 7pm I used to wonder as well

[MimsyBorogroves]

Mine are pretty much the same age as yours, OP, and have the same bedtime.

They need their sleep and I need an evening.

[LooseyMy]

Ds has never gone to bed earlier than 8pm, even as a baby. Now he's 7, it's 8.45pm. He does activities until 7pm two days a week. We enjoy eating out on a Wednesday and don't get back until 7.30pm. He stays at my sisters till 7pm another night. He would miss out on home time and family time if I packed him off to bed at 7pm. FWIW he's only up at 8am, which is fine for our routine.

[wiltingfast]

7 would be regarded as v early here too. But we're hardly back in the house at that time and as we were both at work all day, we want some time with the kids. So they go at 830. Generally sleep til 7 or 8.

[RawCoconutMacaroon]

7pm???? Any night our 2yo is asleep before 10pm is a big win (no daytime naps, up at 7.00am).

Of our older ds's two were exactly the same, the other needed more, but nowhere near the 12 hours plus nap suggested by some.

[TroublesomeEx]

My daughter is 6.

She goes to bed at 7.30am, is asleep pretty much as soon as her head hits the pillow and sleeps until 6/6.30 which suits me fine.

[Gilberte]

"I think a lot of people around the world scratch their heads and wonder what it is that British children do all day that exhausts them so much they need to be in bed by 7."

Get up at 5.30 maybe? I'm pretty exhausted at 7pm when I'm forced by my Dc to get up that early. Thankfully they normally wake up at 6am- far more civilised!

[DrCoconut]

I think it's very early. we only arrived home at 7 today and DS2 is 2. But I'm not running your household and therefore it's not up to me when your DC go to bed!

[MeSoFunny]

7pm here for our 5 & 2 yr olds. Well that's the target. The carcass of bedtime can drag on until 8pm in some cases, but that pushes my sanity.

It can also be as early as 6.15pm for the youngest, who doesn't nap and loves her sleep.

I've always wondered how parents cope without adult time in the evening. When do you get to be 'you'?

[mathanxiety]

In my case I was 'me' with the children in the room with me or helping clear up after dinner. They learned to be 'themselves' quietly. I see learning to get along in different company and playing by the rules of different environments as an important thing to teach. Life isn't all school and toys and children's tv. I think it's important for children to be able to adapt to a situation where quiet behaviour is required. However the culture they grew up in (US) is one where children and adults tend to socialise together quite a bit in an informal way (BBQ's, beach get togethers, etc) and children are expected to fit in with a more adult centered atmosphere, chat with adults, be polite and articulate and able to engage in social give and take, and teenagers are much more engaged with family life and the family social life than in Britain, and not a world unto themselves.

After dinner was always quiet time. We chatted, we watched TV, we played board games occasionally, and older ones finished homework. A big part of 'me' is the part where I am a parent.

[Grockle]

I go to bed at 7.30 - my consultant said 'That's not all that early' I'm 35.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

I've never felt the lack of "adult time" to be a problem to be honest, we get on with our evenings even if the DCs are still up. On holiday they tend to stay up as late as us and it is lovely.

[IsThatTrue]

My big dcs are 8 and 6, up until Easter they were both asleep by 7.30 (having got into bed to read at 7). But dd. (8yo) started waking earlier so I moved her bedtime to 8. She still goes up around 7. I have a baby to settle to sleep and work to do so need the house quiet even if they are awake.

And their bedtime only moved from straight to sleep at 7 around a year ago. With dd moving first and DS following around 6 months later. But he's always needed less sleep than her.

[MumnGran]

7 is a very reasonable bedtime for the ages, IMHO - mine made it to there (from 6.30) when they started school. And yes, we were all up at 6am.
However, I had friends whose children stayed up until they fell asleep on the couch watching TV and were taken up to bed with their parents. And other friends who kept children up to spend time with Daddy ... who didn't even make it home until 7.30.

It's all about what works for your own family. As long as the children are healthy, happy, and getting enough sleep ......then there is no right and wrong (although everyone always has a viewpoint on what is 'right' about bedtimes!!)

[Mrsrobertduvall]

It all depends on your family life and routine.
I was a SAHM and my bedtime routine would start at 5.30 with baths and bed at 6.30 when they were under two.
Dh was home by 4 so saw them, and I had had enough of them by that time!

I am in bed by 10 at the very latest normally and awake at 6.30 so it suited us.
Ds is 14 and goes up at 9, dd 16 is about 10.30 but never stays in the room we are in.

[MinimalistMommi]

My almost eight year old has lights off at eight pm, my five year old 6.30pm

[Jan49]

I didn't feel the need for "adult time" but I think it might have been easier if the evening had been time off from childcare instead of having a child to look after til late.

My ds used to go to bed at 11pm when he was a baby/toddler, then gradually started going earlier, about 8.30-9pm once he was at school. I liked the way he could go to events like weddings with us when he was very little and enjoy the evening, whereas lots of other people would be putting their kids to bed. I found it annoying that other people would complain that their kids were up at 5 or 6am but were putting their kids to bed at 7pm. They seemed to want evenings off from their children but also wanted their kids to sleep later, nothing to do with children needing sleep and all about the parents wanting a break. My ds did actually start off going to bed at 7.30pm but was ready to start the next day at 4am so we encouraged him to stay up later in order to sleep later. We often came across people who disapproved of his late bedtimes and seemed to think children should be in bed at 7/8pm because parents should have the evening childfree.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

I've had the comments about "adult time" in real life too, but I'm quite happy for them to be around till mid evening (8.30-9). I don't normally go to bed till at least 11 so that's plenty of free time anyway, many of the people who make this comment are the ones that go to bed themselves by about 9.30, I can see the point for them. I've never had it said in a rude way, just more in a chat about how we all do things differently.

[Cloverer]

DS goes to bed at 8.30pm partly so we can all eat dinner together (important to us) and partly so we don't have to get up at 6am (very important to us!).

We still get adult time - we're both done and downstairs by 9pm and rarely go to bed before 11.30pm/midnight. But that works ok as we also rarely get out of bed before 7.30am/8am.

If we had to be up at 6am and were in bed at 10pm, maybe we'd want the evening to start earlier.

[lljkk]

What do people do with "adult time" other than have sex or watch TV?
I'm not convinced that I'm missing out on either.

[DogsAreEasierThanChildren]

lljkk, are you joking? I absolutely rely on my measly hour a day of adult time at home to have a coherent uninterrupted conversation with DH, or read uninterrupted, or just Get Stuff Done without a toddler wanting to "help".

For what it's worth, 7 would be exceptionally early in our house - DS just doesn't need as much sleep as the books say, and if he goes to bed at 7 he wants to get up at 4.45. 9 pm bedtime and 6.45 wake-up suits us all better!

[HorryIsUpduffed]

lljkk I iron, mop, watch Game of Thrones or other non-PG tv, or answer emails. I can't safely do any of that when the toddler is awake.

[Gilberte]

"What do people do with "adult time" other than have sex or watch TV?
I'm not convinced that I'm missing out on either. "

It's the only time I can get on the computer without having two children insist on sitting on me and playing cbeebies games.

It's a time I can do the online shop or wash my hair or have a shower that lasts longer than 5 minutes.

It's the only time I can have a proper conversation with DH.

It's the only time I can eat an apple, chocolate, enjoy a cup of tea and cake without it being taken off me, sabotaged or interupted by a pooey nappy or child needing help in the toilet.

It's the only time I can prepare a packlunch without an audience/toddler wanting to help/ stick fingers in the butter etc

It's the only time I feel I'm not "on duty" or at work, or on the way to/from work/school.

I am very child centred in the day. When we are at home,I'm most often to be found sitting on the floor playing with dolls or drawing and colouring or breaking up fights.

I think if I were able to practise benign neglect then I might not mind my children being up till late.As it is I need a couple of hours for my sanity.

[nailslikeknives]

7pm is what keeps me sane. 7.01pm is wine o'clock!

[saladcreamwitheverything]

My son (15 months) doesn't go to bed til 8.30-9pm. He doesn't get up til 8.30-9am. I leave for work at 8.15 til 6.30 so I'm quite glad he doesn't go to bed at 7 otherwise I forget what he looks like :-(