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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious at dh for leaving DD (7) and DS (3) at home for 5 mins?

176 replies

toomanyeasterbunnies · 11/04/2013 18:52

DH popped out to end of road in car to get some bread. He made sure DD knew how to call him and he went out for no longer than five mins. I am furious. He thinks I am over-reacting. Am I?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 11/04/2013 20:45

If it really was just down the road, why didn't he just bring them with him?

IneedAsockamnesty · 11/04/2013 20:48

Reluctant

That's just reminded me a client of mine had her house broken into by the police because the officer believed her children to be unattended and the kids refused to open the door. EDT were called and everything.

The children were 6 and 8 and mum was in the bath listening to music. She still ended up having a follow up visit from ss.

A complaint was put in against the police officer because it was believed he had a different motive but the response was basically that the officer cited cp related concerns and a reasonable belief that kids were alone so it was acceptable to break in.

Noideaatall · 11/04/2013 22:02

My DH once left our ill 3 year old alone while I was at work - to get himself a coffee.I think he got the picture when I found out....

foreverondiet · 11/04/2013 22:06

7 year old ok for a few minutes, 3 year old definitely not!

crashdoll · 11/04/2013 22:11

YANBU but the hysterical "safeguarding ishoo" people are being OTT. Social services would not be interested in one off but I still wouldn't do this. There really is no need to take that risk IMO.

Iwaswatchingthat · 11/04/2013 22:15

YANBU. Definitely not an emergency situation. No need to leave them alone - why take a risk you would regret forever?

Iwaswatchingthat · 11/04/2013 22:19

Lots of parents I know are starting to take more and more little risks with their kids now, mainly I have to say out of laziness than necessity. E.g. 8 year old left home alone for ten mins whilst mum gets 6 yo from Rainbows cos 'he hates leaving the house when it is cold'.

Maybe I am overprotective, but I just don't think it is worth the risk.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 11/04/2013 22:26

The 7yo I could understand a little bit as a sensible 7yo could well be fine reading a book/watching TV. I'd expect DH to take a 3yo with him though. We have a 3.5yo and I wouldn't leave her alone with even a sensible 7yo as I wouldn't expect a 7yo to think... "the 3yo is quiet, I wonder what she's up to?"

Only you know how close the shop is and how likely it is that he was 5mins. However if he was driving I expect he was longer than that, otherwise why wouldn't you just jog there?

MsIngaFewmarbles · 11/04/2013 22:27

YANBU. I have 9 and 10yo DDs who are very mature responsible girls. I would never leave them in charge of 3yo DS. Its too much responsibility for them. Leaving them for up to 30 minutes no problem.

ReallyTired · 11/04/2013 22:34

A seven year old might be OK for five minutes, if they are exceptionally mature however there is no way that a seven year old should be baby sitting a three year old.

A seven year old does not have the ablity to cope with the unexpected. Three year olds can do some pretty stupid and annoying things. Leaving the two of them home alone is a recipe for disaster.

Flojobunny · 11/04/2013 22:39

A 3 yo? Shock I would be more than furious, I'd divorce him!
YANBU, anything could have happened.
Why didn't he take the 3 yo?

LouLouH · 11/04/2013 23:22

crashdoll
"the hysterical "safeguarding ishoo" people are being OTT."
Isn't really true now is it. If it was a childcare professional that popped out it would be a whole different story so why should it be any different for a parent?!

IneedAsockamnesty · 11/04/2013 23:32

Oh wait a sec I expect its only a safe guarding issue if your likely to come into contact with ss if your the sort who would go unnoticed by them them I expect its ok.

Does someone really think its not a problem leaving a 7 and 3 yo home alone whilst you go off on a none essential journey when you could have taken them along?

The nspcc often talks about receiving calls from under 13's left in charge of very young siblings and having no clue about how to deal with them they say they call the police and keep the child on the line if the older child is under about 10.

LouLouH · 11/04/2013 23:42

sockreturningpixie well put Grin

sweetkitty · 11/04/2013 23:45

On Monday I was taking the bin out for the binmen and tidying up, putting excess rubbish in neighbours bins Wink etc I was outside about 5 mins, DS who's almost 3 had wet himself as he couldn't find me, he was in quite a state, his almost 9 yo sister had tried to help him but he was quite distressed I felt awful.

Why didn't he just shove then in the car and take them with him? It would have taken about 5 mins to shove jackets on they don't even need shoes just bundle them in the car.

YANBU

muminthecity · 12/04/2013 00:00

YANBU, I sometimes leave my 7 year old home alone while I go to the shops but she is very sensible and mature. I wouldn't have done it any younger, I think 3 is way too young to be left.

TheChaoGoesMu · 12/04/2013 01:48

YANBU but the hysterical "safeguarding ishoo" people are being OTT. Social services would not be interested in one off

Ermm, yes they would.

Source: work for ssd.
Hope this helps.

olgaga · 12/04/2013 02:01

The first time I had to leave my DD in the house on her own she was 4yo and had chicken pox.

DH was working away, I needed milk and bread. Talked through not answering phone/door, she went to the loo before I went, I tucked her in on the sofa.

Almost crapped myself getting back imagining all sorts of horrendous things. 18 minutes later, back in the house, she hadn't moved from the sofa - everything fine.

It's all in the preparation!

Your DD was ok. Yes it's worrying, but as long as it was ok, it's ok.

CheerfulYank · 12/04/2013 02:06

Depends on the 7 year old. If it were really only going to be 5-10 minutes and I could leave them watching TV or something, I might.

But then I let an 11 year old watch my 4 year old for 3 hours so I may be amazingly lax. :)

chrome100 · 12/04/2013 06:52

I think YABU. It's 5 minutes. Statistically, the risk of ANYTHING happening in that time is minimal. Life is a series of risk assessments and I really don't think that this situation was risky. They probably didn't even notice he was gone.

diddl · 12/04/2013 07:38

Of course the chances of something happening were small.

But I doubt it was five mins-plus he could have taken them both.

It really wasn't necessary.

LovePickles · 12/04/2013 08:14

The chances of something happening are 'small', but the chance of something happening is still there. Fire, climbing up something and falling, messing about with bath water /toilet- drowning, getting outside, answering door to stranger...the list goes on. a lot can happen in five minutes. Take them with you and you're SURE they are safe.

In all honesty, I'm shocked so many kids under 10 are left in the house alone, I was totally unaware anyone did this/ thought it a reasonable thing to do. No one I know well has ever done it. I really didn't know. I wasn't left alone until 13 on the odd occasion returning from school.

livinginwonderland · 12/04/2013 08:25

eh, i was left alone under 10 fairly often. if my dad was still at work and my mum went to the shops, she often left me in front of the TV or to do homework. from the age of 12/13 i was home alone all day/everyday during school holidays, and that was in the early 2000's, so not exactly the olden days.

Fairylea · 12/04/2013 08:25

Yanbu. He's crazy. No way is that acceptable. What if something happened to him???

wiltingfast · 12/04/2013 08:49

Fgs what is risk exactly that people are getting so worked up about? These threads alkways turn into such point scoring about how safe I keep MY kids etc etc yawn. Jeez. He was out for 5m to get some bread. Amazingly, nothing happened.

How did we ever manage to survive our own rearing I wonder? Incredible so many of us made to adulthood.

What exactly do people think might have happened that would be so catastrophic??

Yabu op.

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