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AIBU?

Dh has gambled the last quarter of my last paycheck

62 replies

reneaa2 · 03/04/2013 11:17

I do have the right to be upset about this, yes?

Have gone through our recent bank records and found 25% of my last pay was withdrawn by dh for gambling.

I am so upset as this was money was my final payslip and I am now a sahm while I look for another job.

Dh says he didn't think to mention it as he has started a new full time job which pays a lot more than mine (he had been working part time and also partime sahd).

I think that this shows he does not value my salary and my work :( I wanted the last of my pay check to go into savings, now it feels like I shouldn't have bothered working and earning that money if he is going to just waste it so easily!

This is not in his nature at all. We have always discussed whether we can afford him gambling and he never does it more that twice a year and now he has broken this agreement, I don't know why this has changed now and I am so upset.

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AnyFucker · 03/04/2013 23:11

That's a lie by omission

And he stole the money in the first place

I would consider it stealing when he takes family money that hasn't been agreed on to do such an utterly selfish thing

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reneaa2 · 03/04/2013 23:11

Yes and now I am financially dependent in him! Please god may I find a job soon.

Fortunately he should be okay with these changes. I have told him he has a gambling problem and have him links to some info about the psychology of gambling addiction. So I will tell him he has to go cold turkey and we need to cut off temptation. He can't gamble with his own personal money anymore either I have already said.

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AnyFucker · 03/04/2013 23:13

Why are you financially dependent on him, love ?

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HollaAtMeBaby · 03/04/2013 23:14

You're not being unreasonable about the gambling... but you are being a bit irrational about wanting YOUR money to go into the savings account account. As you have a joint account, both your salaries end up in the same place and once its's in, it's just numbers on a screen! There's no need to get emotional about him not valuing your work. If you wanted an additional £380 to go into the savings account the month you finished work, and that's still possible, then you're getting what you wanted. So YABU in being upset about that.

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AnyFucker · 03/04/2013 23:16

Christ, I must be the most unreasonable person in the world then, because I would take all the money out of the joint accounts and put it all in my name

and if this stupid man had any hope of staying with me, he wouldn't make a peep about it

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HollaAtMeBaby · 03/04/2013 23:20

Is it possible that he has justified this gambling episode to himself by the fact that it is the last month of 2 incomes until you get a job? Obviously that would be unreasonable of him but he is not necessarily going to gamble all your worldly goods away now that you are down to one income... hope you aren't jobless for too long though!

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NorthernLurker · 03/04/2013 23:27

There's nothing irrational about wanting to keep the cash away from a gambler. Gamblers ruin lives - their own and other peoples. OP - in your shoes I would be horrified at the taking of the money when he KNOWS it should have been mutually agreed, as in the past, and I would be furious that he lost part but was keeping quiet about the rest.

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TheCraicDealer · 03/04/2013 23:41

Just remembered about a customer I used to serve when I got my first cashiering job. This man used to come in every day, regular as clockwork, to withdraw a crisp five pound note. There was a marker on his account so we couldn't process a withdrawal for more than that amount. When I asked the more senior teller what that was all about, she told me that he was a gambling addict. So bad that his family were able to be made power or attorney or something to get these restrictions added so he couldn't go mad with money he was supposed to be using to feed himself.

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reneaa2 · 03/04/2013 23:52

I am financially dependent on him as I lost my job.

We are in the process of moving and I can't really start looking for work seriously until we have settled.

My only 'income" now is my dad gifts me lump sums of money, I will be holding on to these myself from now on.

I know that money once in an account just becomes a whole amount and it is a bit irrational to separate it, but I liked to think that my contributions were valued.

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travailtotravel · 04/04/2013 08:11

a little worried that you're moving - are you moving to a better area for you?

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travailtotravel · 04/04/2013 08:12

oh, and I wouldn't necessarily lock hte cash into an account for DC's - you may need access to it.

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differentnameforthis · 05/04/2013 03:32

Because if he really had an addiction, he wouldn't walk out of the bookies with several hundred pounds left for later, he would stay there till every penny was gone

I thought that too, having some left over is odd behaviour. But then again, I am at him withdrawing 380. Dunno why, but it doesn't sit right...why not a round 400? Makes me wonder if he had debts to pay off rather than intending to gamble it. It is just a very specific amount, I guess.