To not expect dh's dr to threaten to stop prescribing his meds?

[mrssmooth]

DH has received 2 letters from doctors surgery, one dated 2 weeks ago and one dated last week. First one from nurse asking him to contact nurse as he missed his INR check/blood test, saying she'd left messages asking him to call. She didn't call our home number, only his mobile. She didn't leave number for him to call her back. DH, being a man, doesn't have the surgery phone number stored on his mobile. I asked him to call surgery after receiving first letter but he forgot - he's been working long hours and away from home (hence missing his appointment).

In second letter, from our dr, dr says he's writing because they've tried to contact him several times. Dr says he remembers dh telling him he often works away from home through the week. He goes on to say he will stop prescribing his medication if he does not make an appointment within the next month as its not safe for him (dr) to prescribe the meds (warfarin). INR clinic is once a week, between 9-5. DH leaves for work at 730, home at 7pm.

(We have recently moved & changed drs. Previous surgery tested dh every 6 weeks, sometimes dh couldn't make the appointment so there were times over past few years where he wasn't tested for 2, maybe 3 months. It was never a problem as his INR is pretty regular now.)

AIBU to think this is a bit out of order (stopping dh's meds)? Yes, i appreciate that the surgery tried to contact dh, but they didn't try our home number - in which case I would have explained and this situation could easily have been avoided.

[CoolaSchmoola]

YABU.

THREE attempts to contact your husband have been ignored - what else do you expect them to do?

Whether it's meds or phones/gas/electric etc the best way to get a patient/customer to contact you is to stop their service.

As is clear from your OP (and my many years experience chasing customers) it WORKS.

No it shouldn't have come to this - because no matter what hours he works your DH should have met HIS responsibilities in relation to HIS health.

FWIW my DH works similar hours (often longer) and has monitored meds. If this situation happened in our house I wouldn't be blaming the Dr or making excuses for DH not taking responsibility for his own health.

The only person in the wrong here is your DH, and your 'reasons' for him not taking responsibility for his own stuff are just excuses. He should have done it. He didn't. His fault - not the Dr.

[mrssmooth]

Yootha. I didn't say he couldn't access Internet at al, I said he can't when he's at work. His work is sometimes residential which means there's no Internet access at all during the week. His phone doesn't have Internet. Unless he goes specifically to a library/Internet cafe he cannot google anything. He doesn't have time to do that when he's at work. May be difficult for people to understand but that's the truth of it, no need for you to insinuate I'm a pier!

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

I would imagine that they are desperate to get your husband to respond! I doubt they will actually stop his meds, they just want him to get his arse into gear.

[mrssmooth]

SEVERAL TIMES I HAVE SAID I ACCEPT IABU.

Thanks again for all the input.

[LaCucina]

Yabvvvu! Well done for coming back and taking that opinion on board.

The fact that you came on here and posted this, obviously thinking you had a good point, is indicative of the insane way the british public treat the health service. The sense of entitlement contained in your op is mad. It's unclear what you are actually suggesting - that the health service should be available for routine, scheduled care 24 hours a day? That everyone else who manages to attend outpatient clinics/gp surgeries/mw appts/day case are all less busy or hard working than your dh? That your gp is somehow obliged to prescribe meds agsinst his professional judgement, because you think it will be ok?

The wonder of our nhs means that it is very likely that he could have his inr monitored at a practice or clinic near his work while he's away - it would just mean him (a man!) coping with arranging that. I'd have thought that someone - even a male - employed to work so hard probably had a basic skill set that could cover looking up numbers and making phone calls.

[Sirzy]

Could he not have text you and said "do me a favour and send me a text with the doctors phone number on?" Or found a phone book at work?

You may have said you accept your being unreasonable but the fact that you persist in trying to defend your husbands actions shows you don't really accept that at all

[Sarah919]

If I could star LaCucina's post I would. This is precisely why the NHS is currently dying a slow undignified death, and one day in the not too distant future you will have to pay for appointments and blood tests. A large part of the British public will have no idea how good they had it until it's gone.

[YoothaJoist]

I didn't insinuate you were a liar. I insinuated you were a bit dim.

[BooCanary]

The vet won't fill a repeat prescription for our CAT without seeing her every few months, so its hardly unreasonable that a doctor will expect to see as person regularly re life saving medication!

IME GPs and their staff give short shrift to people who put their work before their health. This can feel unfair as we need to be employed for financial reasons of course, and often employers are not generous in allow time for appts. However, GPs are right to insist on prioritising health over work, however awkward and stressful that might be for the employed person.

Your dh obviously has a serious medical condition, and he needs to take it seriously and make his healthcare a priority.

[Freddiemisagreatshag]

Why, given the amount of medical appointments he must need, doesn't he have the doctors number on his phone?

You ARE making excuses for him. And enabling his uselessness and making him out to be so awfully more important than anyone else.

I did it too when I was married to my ex. He has had an interesting and steep learning curve since we split (ladies and gentlemen may I give you him not reading the letter properly and turning up to the wrong hospital. Sitting down and waiting to be called. Waiting for nearly 2 hours. Then going to the desk with his letter. To be told he should have handed it in when he arrived and that he was at the wrong hospital. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall)

[RememberingMyPFEs]

I've just read the whole thread and can't see a single place where you 'accept' you're being unreasonable. For an AIBU thread this was pretty mild tbh - it is irresponsible for your DH not to have rearranged. I work long hours on top of a hideous commute and I forget to do stuff too. For a week perhaps, not longer and certainly not when it's such a serious matter.

I suspect the issue might be that you know your DH is being somewhat irresponsible and you're scared, like you must have been scared when he needed the life saving treatment. That's natural. But please, get your hubby to make the appt, check levels and adjust dosage accordingly.

[mrssmooth]

Kiri .. No, comes up as private number otherwise he would have called back.

Yootha, thanks for clarifying, appreciate it.

[mrssmooth]

Freddie, he doesn't need any other check ups other than inr, I'm confused why you'd think otherwise .. I've not suggested he needs any other medical appointments ..?

I AM concerned that he's not rearranged his appointment but other than reminding him to make another appointment there's not really much else I can do.

[LIZS]

yabu , repeat prescriptions need reviewing in case the underlying problem has changed. It can be risky not to and then who would you blame ? Missing appointments happens but most people realise , apologise and remake it . His slot won't have been taken unless the next person was running early etc so 10 minutes will have been wasted during the day - someone else could have used it if they'd known. DH works similar hours but still fits in the occasional dr/dentist appointment. If he doesn't face up to this soon eh could find himself with no GP at all.

[Freddiemisagreatshag]

But he needs that check up regularly. And if he was being a big boy and sorting it out himself and not missing appointments then he'd have the number on his phone and deal with it.

Don't remind him. Stop reminding him. He's a grown up

[LIZS]

who puts in requests and collects his repeat prescriptions?

[lougle]

118118? Yellow Pages?

Or would expect the Drs to check his blood levels by text message, somehow?

Unfortunately, even in this world of technology, some things require a person to be physically present.

Your basic tone is that your DH's time is too precious for this inconvenience. The truth is that his medication is highly dangerous and the results of a wrong dose can be catastrophic.

[mrssmooth]

LIZS, I think you already know the answer to that question!

[Freddiemisagreatshag]

Mrssmooth - you need to stop babying him. He's a grown man. It's up to him to sort out. Seriously.

[tulippa]

I am guessing the doctor only rang your DH mobile as they know he works away and wouldn't be available on the home phone? Looks like they were using some logic and common sense.

[FrickingFedUp]

I think yabu. If your husband has a condition serious enough to warrant needing warfarin then he needs to start taking his health seriously and making time to go for his INR check.

And being a man does not render him incapable of googling the surgery number.

[mrssmooth]

I apologise if I'm giving everyone the impression dh is too precious/ important.

I genuinely am not making excuses for him, I'm very peed off with him for missing it then not rearranging it in the first place.

[mrssmooth]

Yes, that may well have been the case tulip, but the doctor knows he's not away from home every week, so I do think that they should have tried the home phone number to be sure. But that's only my personal opinion, obviously.

[Longdistance]

Yabu and your dh is being lax, and quite honestly lazy.

Warfarin has to be closely monitored. My dm has been on it for well over 5 years and get blood tests every fortnight to determine if her medication needs changing. She has had a clot on her lung while having surgery on removing half her liver after the cancer spread.

It is your dh's responsibility as an adult to ensure ALL appointments are attended, and not for the nurse or doc to chase him. The NHS has better things to do!

[Maggie111]

Yes, YABU. I had a similar letter regarding an Asthma Review. I wasn't in any hurry to book it, they sent me another letter saying "If you don't, we might..."

It made me hurry up and book it for sure.

I was not impressed with the tone - but it worked! No doubt it will work for your DH too.