To want a TV?

[marfisa]

That's it, really. My DH doesn't want one. He says that all the shows we want to watch, we can watch on laptops. I never had a TV when growing up as my parents were very anti-TV. I just want the luxury of being able to walk into the front room after the DC have gone to bed and turning on the telly and watching something random to relax.

I don't want an expensive set, I just want something basic.

To be honest we already have a telly, but it's a VERY small one that I got for a tenner off someone from Gumtree. The DC use it to watch DVDs. It has only one scart (sp?) connection, so it's hooked up for DVDs all the time, and if I want to switch it to watch the telly, I have to unhook and rehook a whole set of cables, plus deal with a very antiquated and temperamental remote control. Our TV never comes on with the flick of a switch; it's much more complicated than that.

DH doesn't think TV is good for children. I can see his point but still think that MY wishes matter as well and that if we had a decent working telly, I would be able to make sure that the DC's use of it is reasonable and that they don't watch it 24/7.

There are masses of books in the house by the way and our DC have plenty of stimulating non-screen activities.

DH and I have just had a huge row and I have threatened to go off and buy a £200 telly. It's a TV/DVD combi and I would LOVE it.

AIBU?

[DeskPlanner]

Buy one. Your dh sounds very controlling. Televisions are not the work of the devil.

[DeskPlanner]

Oh and we have three televisions at home and we are all avid readers.

[DeskPlanner]

He told you where you could put the television ? I've a good idea where you could put it.

[inabeautifulplace]

I don't like having a tv in the house. Mainly as I'm a bit lazy and capable of vegetating in front of any old shite. For me the benefit of iPlayer et al is you have to actively select something, rather than the TV being on by default.

[porridgewithblueberries]

In fairness to the OP's DH, I have to say I personally dislike it when people are glued to their TVs, which doesn't happen so much when people watch TV on a laptop or tablet. My Dad's partner is like this - lovely lady but when she's at home it genuinely doesn't seem to occur to her to do something other than browse the TV channels for something to watch.

That said, I think having a TV is important for children if only because of cultural references which are important when socialising with other children - we watched barely any TV growing up (I still don't watch much) but it can give you a quick, easy common ground with others.

I watch Corrie so hardly educational I just like it!

[StuntGirl]

numberlock

Yes pigs as long as you don't stream live TV you don't need one. But we barely watch catch up tv even anyway, we mostly watch Netflix/dvds/foreign downloads. I'm watching an amazingly bad series on a Japanese girl training to be an air hostess at the moment

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

I'm not a big fan of the TV either. I rarely sit down to watch it, and it's a bit annoying that my husband sits in front of it every spare moment.

I just don't like the op's dh telling her she can't have one.

That's fucking Bullshit.

[formicaqueen]

But almost everything on TV is crap. Why not use iplayer and watch something interesting?

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

Maybe the op wants to watch crap. She's an adult and should be able to watch it if she wants to.

[Iaintdunnuffink]

Does iplayer have much on it that hasn't been on tv?

[Iaintdunnuffink]

You should get a tv. There's many good things on tv, drama, documentaries, comedy, current affairs. There's also lots of crap but crap can be enjoyable, I'm watching a dodgy film called Cockney Zombies, it's very silly. Crap is also easy to avoid by using the off button.

We have Netflix, many of the services like iPlayer that can be watched on several devices, including the tv. Watching on a larger screen at a further difference is often more comfortable on my eyes.

[Iaintdunnuffink]

Distance, not difference.

[LahleeMooloo]

YABU... a telly will clearly infect your children with The Chav.

[Meringue33]

We didn't have a tv for several years when I was little - it marked me out as a freak at school, shame to do that to a kid! There is loads of good stuff on telly nowadays, no need to be snobby and a half hour wind down in front is totally harmless and enjoyable IMO

[ProfYaffle]

TV is great for dc's learning. We were talking about the Big Bang the other day and dd1 (9) started telling us about the Big Crunch which she learned about from Stargaving Live. Dd2 (6) is currently obsessed with Pompeii after watching the documentary the other night so we'll be following up with a visit to the exhibition at the British Museum at some point.

It's a bit mis-informed to assume it's all brain rotting junk.

[porridgewithblueberries]

I don't even think it's about learning or not - I do plenty of things that aren't 'educational' and I don't consider them to harm me on any level and it's much the same for children - they can (within reason) relax and play and entertain themselves without being educated. I'd also share Meringue's concerns about them being singled out at school, although in this day and age it's less likely.

However, the sticking point to me is that (I assume) the OP and her husband share a home, income and parenting and I'm not sure his desire NOT to spend £200 on a TV and have that TV in his home and have his children watch it particularly eclipse the OP's desire to have one, if you see what I mean. It isn't so much about whether the TV is reasonable or not, exactly. I feel personally a compromise might be to have a smaller television in a room that isn't a "main room" (spare bedroom if you have it) but that depends on the size of your house of course.

I don't think you are U for WANTING a TV but by the same token I don't think your DH is U for NOT wanting a TV! :)

[marfisa]

Many thanks for all the replies. Sorry to be so late updating; I became a bit overwhelmed with easter and so on.

In brief, I went online in a white-hot rage (not the ideal circumstances, I admit) and bought a telly from John Lewis because their 5-yr guarantee on all TVs seems comforting. I was then very nervous about how I was going to break the news to DH, but in the meantime he had opened my computer and read this thread (!!). And I think he was fairly stunned by the near-unanimity of the replies. So he is less cross than he otherwise would have been. Thanks everyone!

We do have a TV licence already, so that's not a problem. He didn't want me to spend the money on a telly, but I don't think money is the real issue here; it's more the principle of the thing. I ordered one with a 26in screen and am a little in awe of how big it's going to be - our current screen is 12in, ha. So basically a relic.

As for whether he is controlling, he isn't controlling about most things, but about some things he really, really digs his heels in. Our rows are really hideous and for that reason we're currently going to Relate. I am a little uneasy with the fact that he went onto MN and read my thread, even though I'm happy about the outcome. If I ever want to spill my guts here I will have to NC.

There is also the niggling thing that he really believes he is superior to me in loads of ways. I think he thinks he "married down". I have battled depression for a long time and am on antiDs; for this reason every big quarrel gets attributed to "marfisa's depression" rather than to any actual thing that is wrong with our relationship.

But I digress. I am about to get a TV and DH is on board! Sort of!

I also particularly liked the arguments about how the difference between which kind of screen you watch on is more or less arbitrary. So laptop = virtuous and telly = corrupt.

[iZombie]

A start is a good thing. Enjoy your decadent 26" gloriousness:)

[fluffiphlox]

Just go and buy one...They're cheap enough in the likes of Tesco etc.

[MorrisZapp]

Oh Christ. This reminds me of my old neighbour. She used to 'pop over' to ours when Corrie was on, as her tedious snobby twat of a DP wouldn't 'let' her watch it at home.

I think she left him.

[quesadilla]

This hysteria about TV from some sections if the middle class is quite neurotic IMHO. OP I come from the same sort of background as your DH and I can relate to this and take it from me; that approach backfires. My mum loathed TV to the point that she tried to impose limits of our tv viewing (didn't work), and got visibly twitchy when we watched it which massively got out backs up.
There is a grain of truth in your DH's fear - I don't think it's great for kids to have unlimited TV or not for there to be adult scrutiny of what they watch but despite numerous studies, there is still no evidence that watching moderate amounts of TV does any harm, especially as in your situation where there are books in the house and other activities are encouraged. I actually think by turning TV into a pariah like that you are making it far more enticing to children than by just having one and watching it sensibly.
So go and buy a TV and tell your husband to recall that the Victorians used to be as hysterical about women reading novels as certain sections of the middle class now are about TV.

[Numberlock]

There is also the niggling thing that he really believes he is superior to me in loads of ways. I think he thinks he "married down".

Fuck the telly issue, this is what I wouldn't put up with! I hope your counselling can address this (not sure how).

[LadyBeagleEyes]

I'm glad you got your tv Op.
Now what you should do is find the lowest common denominator programmes, I'd advise Jeremy Kyle and TOWIE, and sit and watch them with a six pack and a pizza [buwink].