To ask your opinion on this? If you'd arrived half an hour early to grab a good seat for a school show, would you then give up your seat to someone claiming to have back problems?

[MumfordandDaughter]

Lengthy title, but i'd like opinions on this please.

Your 5yo's school show is due to start at 2pm.

You arrive at 1.30pm to grab a good seat because you know the school hall fills up quickly.

By 1.45pm, all the seats are taken. New arrivals have to stand at the side.

At 1.55pm, a man arrives with his wife, asking if you'd mind giving up your seat for him because he has back problems. Your seat is located near the side, next to an empty spot where his wife could stand against the wall beside him.

You refuse, because you've picked a really good spot in the second row where your child will be able to see you from the stage.

The man seems okay with this and walks off.

A minute later, he and his wife return with the janitor. The janitor has a spare chair and sits it directly in front of you.

The man sits down and now your view of the stage is blocked.

You ask if he'd mind swapping, explaining why. His wife politely declines because he's just sat down, and it might hurt him.

Opinions on who was right/wrong?

[MardyBra]

I'm Team Friend btw.

[footphobic]

I think most people with medical conditions that cause pain and discomfort don't ask for or expect special treatment, especially for a show which might last only an hour or so.

I have severe problems with joints and muscles. I can't stand for long, it's also painful to sit. For our school shows at the primary, most of the adult seating is on low child size chairs placed very close together, so not comfortable at all.

We always want a good seat near the front so we get there early. By the end of the performance I will usually be very sore. That's just the way it is. I enjoy watching my child, I can manage the extra pain for a couple of hours and take a couple of ibuprofen as required .

I don't expect anyone to give up a seat for me. If I was delayed for any reason I still wouldn't expect it. If I was desperate and had to ask, I would ask someone near the back not someone who had clearly arrived early.

I would think it rude if a member of staff plonked me directly in front of someone else near the front and I would have suggested somewhere else.

There was obviously an element of your parents wanting to be seated near the front though, otherwise they would have just asked someone nearer the back.

[fascicle]

The perfect AIBU, OP - you have a unique insight into each party's perspective.

Never mind the rights and wrongs - you all need to have a good laugh about it

[ariane5]

At my dcs school the first row and sometimes second row are always reserved for pta/headteachers from other schools etc etc.

Perhaps the parent in question should have made the school aware of his back problem prior to the concert and they could have reserved a seat for him?
If it was a sudden thing then I do not see why he couldn't have sat in the spare seat OP mentioned.

I would have given my seat up if asked though as I'd have felt too guilty not to.

[ZZZenAgain]

I think no one was seriously at fault but all could have been more thoughtful.

Yes, your friend could have acquiesed, I probably would if asked by an elderly person. BUt where would she have gone? Your mother was standing in the space to the side so she would have had to go right to the back presumably and stand behind those already standing there. She would have seen nothing. If it had meant moving to a seat nearby, I am sure she would have done it.
In any case it was not just your friend who did not give up her seat for your father. There were people behind her and sitting next to her who overheard. Had someone further down the row given up his/her seat, everyone could have moved along and there would have been space for your father to sit and your mother to stand.

Your father could have offered when the seat arrived to let her take it and sit in front of him, so she still had a good view. It is annoying when you are not tall and then a taller person chooses to sit right in front of you obscuring your view. I wish tall people would sometimes consider sitting towards the back but I don't think it occurs to many of them.It was not unreasonable of your friend to suggest swopping seats. After all if they had swapped, she would have had a good view and your father presumably would have had a good view since he is taller than her.

Your mother could have been more courteous in replying to the friend. I think your mother was worried about him and stressed in that situation, that is why she got snappy with the friend.

In this case, maybe if the place was so packed with people standing at the back, the only place the janitor could fit in a chair was at the front or in an aisle if there was one down the middle.

It is all a bit unfortunate but not really a dramatic affair. No one behaved outrageously and everyone had a reasonable reason for what they did.

[ZZZenAgain]

oh just seen you wrote that your mother politely declined, so she was courteous.

[ZZZenAgain]

Couldn't your father have asked someone sitting in the back row to give him a seat? For that person the difference between sitting right at the back or standing at the back would surely have been minimal? He could have remained seating until his wife was able to come and help him get up after the show.

I think you have to try and cause as little disruption as possible or get there very early to get a seat which is convenient for you tbh

[cocoplops]

Just thinking about this - I'm coming at this seeing it from the perspective of my parents. My DF has heart problems and my Mum is his carer. DF and DM get very stressed by being late, being somewhere new etc. So I could see how this type of thing could happen.

However, in my parents case, I don't think they would actually have ever asked for a seat at the front (or probably anywhere - unless DF was about to keel over) as they wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone or cause a fuss. I reckon my DF and DM upon seeing a packed hall would've packed my DF off to sit in the car or outside the hall - and my DM would've stood where she could so she could give a wave to my DC and hopefully see a bit of the play. So maybe you're parents are a wee BU. But I would've still given up my seat.

[cocoplops]

your not you're

[ElliesWellies]

I think the person with back problems should have turned up earlier. Given the time they turned up, think they should have asked for an extra chair straight away, rather than asking other people to give their seats up.

[HarrietSchulenberg]

YANBU. Can't see why your dad couldn't have asked for an extra seat in the first place, then placed it at the back. No reason for him to sit at the front. Or you could have warned him that it would be busy and advised parents to get there early, but hindsight is a wonderful thing but not much use here (sorry).

[HarrietSchulenberg]

Sorry, that was a YABU.

[Iamcountingto3]

I would have given up my seat, but I think your parents are most in the wrong - sorry! They arrived 5 mins before the show was due to start - unless the traffic was INCREDIBLY bad, they didn't leave enough time (you warned them to arrive early, right?) And even if they did. tbh, I tend to think that;s just how it goes sometimes...

They also asked someone near the front for a seat - ie asking to have one of the best seats in the house - rather than asking someone near the back, where the seats are at less of a 'premium' if you know what I mean. I know you've said there was an empty spot too for your mum, but I can't believe they couldn't have worked round that (eg. your dad waited in his seat until others had left at the end.

That said, I agree that the janitor didn't help things - but does your dad really need your mum standing right next to him?

And no, I wouldn't have asked your dad to sop seats. Although I would probably have sighed quite loudly

[sweetiepie1979]

I would have given up my seat in the first instance. Karma!

[Dancergirl]

A few years ago, our school experimented with giving out seat numbers for the school play. It was pure pot luck what seat you got. It was brilliant IMO, none of this standing around in the cold for hours or having to turn up early to get a decent seat and no arguments over who sits where.

Unfortunately the went back to the usual free for all the following year!

[MoominmammasHandbag]

Everytime I hear the word "janitor" I am 8 years old again watching "Hong Kong Fooey"
slinks away having added nothing to the debate

[BlissfullyIgnorant]

Ah...the man knew about his problem and should have asked for a reserved seat suitable for his condition in advance of the event. However, there was no reservation, so it would have been kind for you to let him sit in the chair and stand at the side where there was probably a better view anyway.
Someone had me out of a seat at a dance once, because it was 'her seat'. As I stood up I told her I hoped she would die soon (perhaps a little harsh, I know) then DH had a rant at her about my walking stick and clearly obvious mobility problem. The only other seats were toilets.

[shewhowines]

On the fence here.

[NoHaudinMaWheest]

Mardybra
Janitor is the standard Scottish word used where English people would use caretaker.

[LadyBeagleEyes]

And how did they know your friend didn't have health issues herself?

[diddl]

Why does your friend think that your Dad is a "faker"?

I find my back starts to ache if I have to stand for any length of time-I'm sure I'm not alone!

But tbh, I just consider it tough on my part if I don't get there early enough for a seat-and wouldn't dream of asking anyone for a seat!

OP-what does "back problems" actually mean?

[Startail]

He can fuck off, he need a seat not any seat. Wandering up to the front, rather than swapping with someone at the back is just fucking cheeky.

[bedmonster]

I think your parents WBU and your friend was perfectly within her rights to say no. You have a bad back, you phone the school in advance and ask them to reserve you a space. You don't just saunter in and expect someone who has been sitting for half an hour to reserve a good spot to move because you have a bad back. Sounds very presumptious and rude.
(I am always one of those parents who isn't arsed about getting to these things an hour early and is happy to stand at the side and watch - you get a better view anyway!)

[josiejay]

Your friend called your dad a 'faker' to you?!! That is very rude. Regardless of what she thinks about your parents she shouldn't be putting you in the middle of a row with them.