To ask your opinion on this? If you'd arrived half an hour early to grab a good seat for a school show, would you then give up your seat to someone claiming to have back problems?

[MumfordandDaughter]

Lengthy title, but i'd like opinions on this please.

Your 5yo's school show is due to start at 2pm.

You arrive at 1.30pm to grab a good seat because you know the school hall fills up quickly.

By 1.45pm, all the seats are taken. New arrivals have to stand at the side.

At 1.55pm, a man arrives with his wife, asking if you'd mind giving up your seat for him because he has back problems. Your seat is located near the side, next to an empty spot where his wife could stand against the wall beside him.

You refuse, because you've picked a really good spot in the second row where your child will be able to see you from the stage.

The man seems okay with this and walks off.

A minute later, he and his wife return with the janitor. The janitor has a spare chair and sits it directly in front of you.

The man sits down and now your view of the stage is blocked.

You ask if he'd mind swapping, explaining why. His wife politely declines because he's just sat down, and it might hurt him.

Opinions on who was right/wrong?

[MumfordandDaughter]

I'm not 'ashamed' of my parents. Although, i do agree they were being unreasonable. The conversation between them all was apparently very polite, and my dad didn't pressurise my friend into giving up her chair.

However, it was my friend's retelling of the story last night (before i told her the couple were my parents) that made me think perhaps they were all somewhat unreasonable. She said, 'I'd have given my chair up for someone with crutches or a stick, but for all i know he could have been a faker who just didn't want to stand.'

My dad said he didn't realise he was blocking the woman's view until she'd said otherwise. The janitor had sat him there so my mum could stand beside him, and because it was right next to the exit door so he wouldn't get bashed about once the show finished.

Once he'd sat down and got himself settled, my friend then asked him to swap. He'd said he would have done, but my mum said no because she knows it's sore for him to go from sitting to standing once, let alone twice in such a short space of time. There was no room to move the chair over a few inches either.

My dad told me he had tried scooting down in his chair as much as he could, which my friend later acknowledged when talking to me, but as he's so tall this really made no difference.

[NotTreadingGrapes]

Chandon- thank heavens. Thought I'd stepped into a parallel universe for a minute.

The friend was uber precious and def more out of order than the (presumably elderly) man with a disability.

[Emilythornesbff]

Actually cloudsi agree. Buti think it's rude to call him a faker to op.

He does have a bad back I take it.

And I disagree about the friend being precious. What's wrong with wanting everything to go well for your dc's performance and. Wanting to see it.

I'm in full support of any PFB type behaviour btw. The world would be a better place for it.

[FasterStronger]

At least they know to arrive early next time.

[firawla]

your parents were the unreasonable ones, no wonder your friend was annoyed with their behaviour so can't blame her if she was a bit rude - they should have gone early and sorted it out before you dont just demand someones seat then plonk yourself in front and block their view!!

[CloudsAndTrees]

You might not be ashamed, but aren't you even a little embarrassed by your parents behaving so selfishly towards another parent at your child's school? I would be. Grandparents have no right to spoil something as special as a child's school performance for a parent, especially when it's clear from the situation that the parent got there early to get a good view.

Some people aren't that fussed about school shows, but some parents treasure them and see them as something special that they make a big effort for. If your friend feels like that about it, I can well understand why she was upset by what your parents did, and I think she deserves an apology.

[Chandon]

I think it was karma really, and quite funny.

Stroppy woman refuses to give up seat, then gets her comeuppance as the person she refused the seat gets sat in front of her.

tell your friend it was karma

[TheCraicDealer]

They were both being unreasonable, refuse to get involved. If they bring it up again say, "I swear to fuck, I will get the kids to re-stage this bloody performance just so we can all forget about it and move on!".

[Hulababy]

Sorry, I think your parents were being unreasonable.

When the janitor placed the seat directly in front of the woman he must have known he'd block her view. He got there late, he should have made do with his seat being placed anywhere n the hall, not just a place with the good view. Also when your mum said no to him moving, he should have agreed to move regardless, or at the very least asked your mum to swap with the other woman.

I'm not very tall. If a tall man sat in front of me I wouldn't be able to see at all. I'd have probably ended up having to stand up at the side in order to see.

[notimefors]

I think your parents were rude tbh.

[2rebecca]

I agree that your parents were unreasonable, if there are limited seats I think parents should be given priority over grandparents anyway. The janitor shouldn't have put the seat blocking the woman's view and your dad was unreasonable not to try and give her a view of her daughter. Why should he punish the little girl who wanted to see her mum? Asking someone near the front to swap was unreasonable, someone at the back may have been more obliging but in general I think he should have just asked the janitor for a seat rather than ask the friend. You wouldn't try and shove someone out of their seat at a cinema or theatre why should you at a school play?
Next time I wouldn't be telling my parents when the school play is if they're going to behave that badly towards my friends.

[riskit4abiskit]

I agree your parents were unreasonable, and I am inwardly cringing at the thought of my parents or in laws doing the same!

Surely it wasn't just your friend but also those all around and behind who were blocked? Just like I have bladder issues so I sit near aisle and near back so I don't disturb others if I leave, if I was tall I would not sit right at the front, bad back or not.

I think the best solution would be to suggest to the school that on the letters or tickets for the show people request a reserved disabled spot if they need one in advance. Then this situation would not happen, and perhaps you suggesting this idea might mollify all concerned?

[maddening]

They were unreasonable as there was a free seat for the person with a bad back - his wife could have stood as per all other late arrivers without physical problems.

[foxache]

Hey OP it's your fault! You should have warned your parents about the cut-throat seating at school plays.

Really it's a shame, and nobody's fault. Your parents were inexperienced and your friend had made an effort for a good place. I hope it's resolved soon.

(My dad went to ds's play for me once and popped outside the classroom door, into the playground between acts for a fag )

[diddl]

So where did the seat come from?

Did the janitor magic up an extra one or was it an empty one which he placed-for whatever reason in the way of others?

Because if it was an empty one already in the hall-why didn't your Dad just sit in it?

And surely your Dad could have asked anyone sitting along the side to stand-not just someone near the front?

[maddening]

Sorry I read it as there was one seat next to your friend and by the wall.

I think they were unreasonable to pick one person to ask - they should have asked the janitor in the first place or asked the whole group of people there if anyone was willing to give up a chair - they shouldn't have chosen a good spot based on where your mum could stand - and the group of people they should have approached should have been the people at the back.

[cocoplops]

Oohhh sounds very awkward for you! I would've given up my seat tbh, especially for grandparents - would've been an automatic, polite reaction. I might've been a bit pissed off afterwards (especially having made an effort to get there early) but would try and bask in the warm glow that I had done.the.right.thing. I would've stood to the side so I could definitely see though.

Grandparents don't necessarily know the lay of the land with performances, timings to get there or that it would've been better to see if they could've got a reserved seat. But unless he obviously looks like he has a bad back I can see how your friend might've not wanted to (although not everyone who is poorly or disabled looks like it).

Think it was cheeky that your friend asked to swap. I probably would've asked your Mum if she would like her seat though, apologising for not moving, saying I had come really early to see it as my DD gets upset if she can't see me, and if I had your Mum's standing spot at least she would get to see me.

All a bit swings and roundabouts really. As I bet the whole time the whole lot of them were simmering with annoyance and uncomfortableness, rather than enjoying the performance anyway. I think with school performances you just have to take them good humouredly - if you get to see a hair on their head through sixteen children and a tall bloke then you're doing well!

[2rebecca]

If there are reserved disabled spots they shouldn't be all at the front, but edge seats, otherwise everyone will decide they have a disability. It sounds an administrative hassle though. I think if you have a disability you ensure you get there early, even allowing for bad traffic.
Most school plays manage to cope with this.
Some only allow 2 tickets per child to conform with fire regulations and ensure they only give out as many tickets as there are seats. All these people standing at the side sounds a nuisance and possibly unsafe.

[SarahBumBarer]

Your dad needs to grow the hell up. Needs to have his wife standing beside him? I'd expect a 6 year old to be more mature than that.

[PlainBefuddled]

Why didn't 'Soreback man' get there earlier to ensure a seat?

It really annoys me when people arrive to this sort of thing and sort of throw up their arms, with a why didn't you cater for ME attitude.

[Thumbwitch]

I agree that he should have got there earlier. I know they tried and the traffic was bad but was it unexpectedly bad? Or was it just standard rush hour/school pick up traffic? In which case they should have planned ahead better.

Your friend did plan ahead, so she was not unreasonable to not want to give her seat up. The janitor could probably have placed your Dad elsewhere.

All things considered, it was a bit of a mess but your Dad and Mum created the mess and should stop blaming your friend.

[PlainBefuddled]

Your parents were wrong.

[JustGiveMeFiveMinutes]

I don't think you can take sides OP because I think they all sound like they were rude and unreasonable. It'll be ancient history soon.

[foxache]

2rebecca, you're right, and it's sad that a school couldn't arrange a disabled seating system without the expectation that people (parents of the school!) will abuse it. It's true that people should arrive early.

[MardyBra]

Since when do we have janitors in this country?