To wonder how the hell parents coped with SN 50 years ago?

[slatternlymother]

It is heartbreaking reading about it now. Sometimes I read thread and feel so angry on the OP's behalf.

But (and this isn't an 'oooh, think how much worse it could be!' thread), it got me to thinking how hard it must've been to have a child with say, ASD or ADHD back in the 60's.

How people must've judged! And those poor children must've been really misunderstood. I bet some of them really took a hiding for their meltdowns over things

Does anyone know anyone who parented a child with SN years ago? Or were they a child with SN?

I'd be really interested to know how things have come along. I like to think that people are better educated now. If I see a child having a meltdown, I certainly don't judge.

I think this really stems from a comment from my Dad's aunt who, years ago said 'of course, you've got all these new fangled disorders coming out of the woodwork now, it's all an excuse for badly behaved little beasts...' I have 2 cousins with ASD It's always stuck with me. That attitude must've been really rife 50 years ago.

[saintlyjimjams]

Snort please say hello to him

[saintlyjimjams]

Oh sorry that was to owl lady

[manicinsomniac]

I don't know if it's even as long as ago as the 60s that children with SEN were kept so separate. I went to school in the late 80s-early 00s and I have a very good memory for my classmates but I can't remember a single child that stands out to me as having had obvious SN (SEN yes but not ASD, ADHD etc). My primary was small but there were 120 children in my year at secondary. So where were all the children with ASD? It's a bit creepy and scary to think about it now. When I was in 6th form we had two children come into Y7 with ADHD and suddenly there was all this talk of the 'ritalin cupboard' and whispered gossip about the boy who lay down on the library floor and screamed until the headteacher came for him. This was in the year 2000 and we had never heard of ADHD! These kids must all have been somewhere ...

[flangledoodle]

Sorry to hear that ShellyWelly

[Shellywelly1973]

I think i will have to squeeze out a couple sets of twins...just to annoy them!!!

Its the implication that my ds is worthless, that gets me.
I can excuse outsiders or strangers but not my family. Give me ds any day, its the Nt's i struggle with!

[Owllady]

shelly. that's really horrible of your family. What on earth is wrong with people?

It used to really irritate me that the question new people were always dying to know is if you knew beforehand, you know when you were pregnant as if it makes any difference to their life whether you knew or not

I have even had people say to me 'do you think it just affects your girls?' again, people who I hardly know



I think a lot of people can be ignorant. I really don't think it's changed incredibly. Look at those Cornish Councillors ad their put disabled children down comment and they cost too much etc. But then your own social worker comes round and reminds you you are spending taxpayers money, so really am I shocked?

sorry i think i have started talking to myself

[Owllady]

and also even if you child has significant SN people STILL tut and make comment or have sharp intakes of breath at behaviours that don't even really hurt anyone else, so I actually think the level of ignorance is astounding it's just I don't notice most of it anymore because my skin is rather THICK

[KarenHL]

ReallyTired, I agree with your first post on this thread but have to pick up on one thing - you state that many SN children had no education until the 70s. This may well be true, but even so, SN children did not have to be educated to their full potential - a major inequality, that even now is not fully addressed.

Education acts stated that 'ordinary' children had to be educated to their full potential. Children with SN only had to be educated in the basic minimum of how to read and write. This was definitely still the case in the 80s, as I was one of the people who actively (and very vocally) campaigned about this. My school at the time, actively tried to force me to leave and go to a 'special' school because of my physical disability. Many of those I met who were in institutions (homes/schools) were very happy, but not educated to anywhere near their full potential.

I remember having an awful row with the SN teacher at my secondary school. We met in a corridor, he demanded to know why I wasn't in his classes. I was in top set english, and middle set maths, and he told me I should never have been put in those sets, as someone with an SN I should automatically be in bottom set with everyone else who had learning difficulties! My dyslexic friend who helped me with maths homework when I was stuck, had no way of leaving the bottom set. This wasn't the 60s, this was the late 80's, early 90's. I sincerely hope attitudes have changed - even now, some of them are beyond archaic/ignorant.

[marjproops]

Im in my 40s and was only recently confirmed as autisic (ive known it for years) and also have had lifelong depression.

schooldays (the 70's/80's) were excruituating for me. bullied by pupils AND some teachers, accused of being lazy, gormless, (and those are the nicest words they said). and parents said same about me. If i said something was wrong i was accused of attention seeking.

Now....DC autistic/tourettes/depression amongst other things. In this day of 'enlightenment', Im blamed for her 'problems'. my fault.

yes there are more resources out there and info and services but its still embryonic as far as im concerned.

and the paralympics (at least where I live) has done NOTHING to educate people. dont think anyone round here watched them.

[marjproops]

And look in the victorian days with the 'circus freaks', anyone with physical deformities.

Theres been a couple of Horrible History scenes that really upset me.
One about Bedlam hospital where people would go for a 'day out' and throw rotten food at the 'inmates' there, those with mental illness, plus the George lll scene.

brilliantly acted btw, so brilliant I sobbed like anything. Ignorance in medicine and help notwithstanding in those days, the King being branded with red-hot pokers, fed arsenic, shouted at...(crying typing this, picturing it).

Know what it's like to be branded a freak, as does DC.

[saintlyjimjams]

Oh yes (some) people are still really very horrible indeed.

And ignorance is astounding - thank goodness for the Internet again

[Shellywelly1973]

Its all about economics with the professionals. If i didn't fight very hard ds would be sitting in the worst performing mainstream school in borough with an untrained T.A.

Instead he recieves the education he deserves and requires in an independent school funded by the LEA...how did i manage to get them to pay?

They made an enormous mistake that would cost them an awful lot of money...they offered me ds school place, i didn't even ask for it.

People that are different seem to be worth less. Our society is so obsessed with productivity in every respect of the word.

I suppose I am too. Without an education what hope does ds have. My hope is if ds is educated to a good standard, he will be able to live independently. Would i leave his brothers or sisters in the worst schools? No i bloody wouldn't! Ds has the right to be treated as a human being, just as we all do.

[KindleMum]

Stormfront - what an amazing tale. It must be chilling to think the course of your life might have hung on your reaction that day.

[AdoraBell]

My PIL are just like freddiefrog's there's no -one diagnosed in the family except OH's son who has dyspraxia, FIL tried to rubbish that idea less than 10 year's ago but luckily DSS is very quick witted and has a well developed "fuck you" attitude to his GPs and so responded admirably.

OH was beaten regularly for "miss behaving" and "being stupid". I don't actually think he is SN simply because he seems perfectly able to control his behavior at will, but then he could have learnt that growing up as he did. To answer the OP, parents either coped alone or DCs were sent away.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

When I was in Year 3 in the 1970's, our teacher forced a boy with very poor reading ability to stand up and read in front of the whole class. He struggled and struggled to sound out the words, going red in the face and eventually tears started falling. That stupid bitch of a teacher wouldn't let him sit down until he had stumbled through the whole page, crying with frustration and embarrassment in front of his whole class. I felt so sorry for him at the time and it has only recently occurred to me that - of course - lightbulb moment - he was probably dyslexic. It's actually one of my strongest memories from my primary school days.

I really hope things have changed since then in the classroom! I'd like to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt and think that she was at her wit's end and thought trying to shame him into "trying harder" might actually work - but I can't quite forgive her for making him cry.

[thebody]

Oh storm force and marjprooos just wanted to say your stories are heartbreaking.

How can humans be so very cruel. No excuse. Xxx

[KitchenandJumble]

My oldest brother was born in the 1960s. He is on the autism spectrum, undiagnosed in childhood. His school experiences were hellish. At one point my parents pulled him out of school entirely, which was virtually unheard of in those days. He was bullied relentlessly, and the schools were worse than useless. He is extremely intelligent but has never held a job. He is one of the kindest people in the world but he has never had any friends outside the family.

I often think how different his life might have been if he had been born a few decades later, when he could have received support and meaningful services. My parents were (and are) a bit ostrich-like, but I think they would have been very grateful for some help and support. I'm sure my brother could have lived up to his potential if that had happened.

[ISpyPlumPie]

Some heartbreaking stories on this thread .

I can remember lots of incidents at primary school in the 80s of children being called 'lazy', 'stupid' and 'bone idle' - both directly in front of the whole class or between staff talking well within earshot of pupils. One boy labled in this way was actually found to be severly dyslexic in Y5 and moved to a special school. Looking back, I'm sure that quite a few others had some degree of SN/SEN but had effectively been written off pretty much from when they started school.

I agree that we've still got an awful long way to go, but would hope that such ignorant and offensive namecalling wouldn't be considered acceptable by teachers now.

[marjproops]

the body, thanx. can i say though i was glad i wasnt taken away from parents HAD i been diagnosed, wasnt a happy childhood but at least i was with family.

As for DC, I home educate her now and she does only what she can manage. some sn children can manage mainstream subjects, but some cant.


DC has learning age of a 6 year old (shes double that age) so I teach her things for that age and she progresses that way.

Love the home ed, she had a couple of good teachers at school before but now she gets exactly what she needs and can cope with.

Amazing how many of us on this post have these personal experiences, I know a lot of it IS agnorance, unless you actually have/live with/ issues it's hard to empathise and understand, but still......

[devientenigma]

It's now 2013 and my 12 yo DS has already been 'threatened' with hospitialization, so imo yes we have come a long way to an extent but no further forward for some.

[OkayHazel]

Even my deaf great uncle was sent away to 'special school' :(

[dayshiftdoris]

Actually zzzz I think you havent grasped how awful it was...

Things aren't good now - my son has ASD and was failed by his school and his current statement isn't meeting his needs but it has changed and I am very, very thankful that he wasn't born even 30yrs ago (when I was)

My cousin was born with a congential abnormality - I grew up with this boy and our family were supportive but his problems were not discussed at all - it's only recently, since my own sons diagnosis that my aunt & uncle have told us he has a genetic condition and autism... they did so because we needed to be screened (it was clear). I talked to my aunty about his early years recently and her opinion was that support has improved immensely, my cousin still lives at home (he will never be independent) and she said its only really changed in last 10years or so.
It was and continues to be her reality - she feels that people now don't know how lucky they are to know what we know and have the interventions that we have. As I talked to her about the basics I did with my son (structure, routines, visuals) she filled up and said 'If only I had known when he was little'...

My dad born in the 1950's (and probably ASD too!) is keen on telling me tales of children who were beaten at school for being 'thick' or 'freaks' and who ended up institutionalised for having problems with their legs (prob CP)... There were a lot of kids who just stayed home with mum and were never seen

For me though, what makes me fight for my son is that I went to primary school with a boy who now I recognise as being just like my son - he had challenging behaviour and he was awkward socially. I remember being sat with him in yr6 and he really struggled to understand instructions... we went to different secondary school but he came to mine in yr9/10 as he'd been excluded and he was excluded again before long... he ended up in prison ... he was just written off, he never had support and people referred to him as being 'thick' and 'naughty boy' even when we were 6 or 7...

Its not perfect, there is a long, long way to go but we've come a long way too.