To wonder how the hell parents coped with SN 50 years ago?

[slatternlymother]

It is heartbreaking reading about it now. Sometimes I read thread and feel so angry on the OP's behalf.

But (and this isn't an 'oooh, think how much worse it could be!' thread), it got me to thinking how hard it must've been to have a child with say, ASD or ADHD back in the 60's.

How people must've judged! And those poor children must've been really misunderstood. I bet some of them really took a hiding for their meltdowns over things

Does anyone know anyone who parented a child with SN years ago? Or were they a child with SN?

I'd be really interested to know how things have come along. I like to think that people are better educated now. If I see a child having a meltdown, I certainly don't judge.

I think this really stems from a comment from my Dad's aunt who, years ago said 'of course, you've got all these new fangled disorders coming out of the woodwork now, it's all an excuse for badly behaved little beasts...' I have 2 cousins with ASD It's always stuck with me. That attitude must've been really rife 50 years ago.

[Astley]

Oops just realise I ended up on the wrong thread......I'm talking about Brian McFadden

[akaemmafrost]

When concerns were first raised about ds via his school, no one believed it, except me, I knew he had it from the first day they told me. My H, ds's dad said I had Munchausen's by proxy. My family were in denial, in laws ridiculed me. My dd's school career ended with him being assaulted by a teacher at age 8. We had no family support whatsoever, he was just "naughty, badly brought up, it was my fault for being too soft, no rules, no discipline, spoilt, there's NOTHING wrong with him Emma! Stop making problems!". Etc etc etc. i had to go to his school every day to deal with meltdowns. It was hellish actually. I cried every day for three years.

Now it's happening all over again with dd. I'm not crying anymore though. I've the hide of a rhino these days .

[Mamf74]

Ps. Apologies if I cause any offence with the use of "slow"; that's how DH's family have always spoke of him. I have no idea of what problems he had as I never met him (sadly). He sounds a lovely, lovely man and is obviously still much missed.

[ouryve]

It's definitely not easy now, zzzzz but at least my boys are recognised as people, with rights and personalities and a contribution to make to society, now. 50 years ago, society would have had no use for them and would not have wanted to see them.

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

My uncle was born with with Cerebral Palsy in 1956. My grandparents looked after him themselves until he was 3. Gran was constantly bugged to "put him away" as he was "more hassle than he's worth". She did try, I'm sure she did. She talks about him with love when she does talk about him. He wasnt an easy baby and cried constantly and was incredibly heavy to carry around or even lift. I think he started having epileptic seizures from an early age too. They gave in eventually and he went to live in a hospital. They only visited once or twice a year (they moved hundreds of miles away not long after at my grandfathers insistance).

He lives in assisted housing now. As far as I know no one has ever been cruel to him although he may have been drugged a fair bit over the years. Gran has often commented that "he was such a good boy for the nurses, so quite and compliant. He was such a noisy wee one when we looked after him".

[flangledoodle]

God Emma, I'm really sorry to hear that. Life can be shit can't it? Can't think of anything constructive to say but really feel for you. Families can really be the pits.

[flangledoodle]

Zzzz, totally prepared to bow to your experience (sincerely meant). My experience is solely based on growing up in to 1970's with a severly autistic older brother with challenging behaviour or whom I was frequently terrified. I don't know what it is like now. Am sharing, from my perspective what it was like then. Would like to believe things are better but if people who are living it now say they are not, then they are not and I find that very sad.

[CrunchyFrog]

zzzzzz, I worked as a teacher of teenagers with PMLD. Only 18 years before I qualified, they would have been written off as not educable at all, and institutionalised in the places I described earlier. Things are not perfect, but they are better. I'm sorry if your experiences have taught you otherwise, but I have seen people's attitudes change for the better.

There's still a large number of disablist dickheads, but they are challenged far more frequently and robustly than a few years ago.

[PeneloPeePitstop]

I think the only difference is they're no longer institutionalised. Medical understanding has improved, granted, but whatever provision there is has been strangled by steadily more budget cuts. In the general population there's still ignorance and prejudice. Often there's a dogged determination to hang on to those prejudices in the face of education.

Cue "didn't see kids like that in my day".

One good thing is with the advent of the Internet I've been able to get in contact with like minded parents worldwide. Fifties parents wouldn't have that... But it's a double edged sword as others can and do get in my face with their bigotry and hate speech.

[ukatlast]

Well that surprises me saintlyjimjams as my severely handicapped relative went to a Special Needs School from the age of 5 to 16 by minibus (as someone else said) and she was born in the mid-1960s.
I recall there being schools for the 'mentally handicapped' and schools for the (Ouch) 'educationally sub-normal'. (Both in 1960s and 1970s).

I think most friends and neighbours of those severely affected were very sympathetic and supportive, being glad it had happened to them most likely.

I do remember a handful of boys at school getting into trouble a lot in 1960s and think they were dyslexic rather than ADHD/Aspergers. I do recall one girl being moved in late 1960s to a special school because she couldn't cope in mainstream. She was a twin and her twin stayed behind.
Teachers were pretty reasonable and I remember visiting 'gypsy children' not getting into trouble for leaving taps running and causing deliberate floods in the cloakrooms as the Headteacher was well-aware that to them, running water would hold a fascination.
So basically I am saying 'you youngsters' are wrong to think we all suddenly turned into better human beings overnight when Special Schools were abolished. There were always kind and enlightened people out there.

[mummytime]

When I was little there was a Man with Downs who lived in our road. His Mum had been told when he was a baby/little to put him away as he would never "amount to much"; in fact she had to fight the system to keep him with her. There was no chance he would go to a main stream school, and she received very little help. It was only after she died that he was given support and training to live an independent life in sheltered housing.

As a teenager I had a friend with very very mild Cerebal Palsey, she had been made to attend Special Schools for her whole education until 16. They did sit some CSEs but they were a special syllabus as they weren't expected to cope with the mainstream one. Then at 16 she had to adapt to attending a mainstream FE college.

Someone else I knew was deaf, but in his case the specialist schools seemed quite good. And the only other person from the few roads I lived in who went to University was blind, but his blind schools were excellent.

However my children have been educated with children with: Autism, Downs, Cerebal Palsey, Blind, Profoundly deaf (with implants). Life may not be easy now, but I do think it is much much better than it used to be. I also hope my children will grow up to be much more accepting individuals.

[WilsonFrickett]

Slow tables, remedial classes, institutions or left at home without education.

Although there is a school of thought that the 'learn by rote' education system of some 50 odd years ago with very strict routines and less emphasis on social knowledge and creativity, may have helped some children with ASD. Certainly my DS would I think do better in a classroom where everyone stays in their seats and chants times tables and there's there's no 'talking time' where he has to tell the class what his partner did at the weekend.

[NameGotLostInCyberspace]

I recently watched a documentary from 1968 called Juvenile Liaison.
Tells about a dept of the police (Blackburn, Lancs). that deals with early intervention of petty crime and truancy. It was compelling and heartbreaking. You can clearly see that some of the children have learning difficulties and they were either not known or understood.

[sydlexic]

My DH is an only child, his DF would not consider any more because he had so many tantrums. Even now if things don't turn out as he imagined he rages. I feel sure he would be diagnosed today.

My Cousin who is 52 has DS her parents were told no point in trying to teach her, she is a vegetable and will not live long. She was diagnosed deaf at the age of 22 she then started to learn, she runs her own home and has a job.

[samithesausage]

Last year I was diagnosed with aspergers. Every single school report said "doesn't get on with her peers". Also the teachers kept saying to my mum "I don't understand it she has a high reading age, yet she won't read the books we give her".
From what I remember I was smacked quite a lot when I was a kid, and at secondary school suffered from depression, and was threatened with expulsion for cutting my arm. I was also told it was my fault people were being horrible to me because I wasn't "normal" and I needed to toughen up. One teacher said it was the "banter of classroom life".
Looking back I get angry!

[saintlyjimjams]

I didn't say there was no education for those with severe disabilities before 1986 I said it wasn't compulsory.

[saintlyjimjams]

And special schools haven't been abolished - my son attends one (thank god)

[saintlyjimjams]

Iirc Ros Blackburn (who now lectures) says she was classed as ineducable & so came under health rather than education

[Pandemoniaa]

It's the terminology back then that is also so shocking. My Great Aunt Bertha was known, quite casually, in the family as "Daft Auntie Bertha". She was born to a very much older mother who thought she was going through the menopause when, in fact, she was pregnant and it may well be that this contributed to Bertha's learning disabilities.

Very little interest seems to have been taken in diagnosing additional needs in those days either because on the relevant census Bertha is described as an "imbecile". She received absolutely no education but fortunately stayed out of an institution, instead, being parcelled out to various family members until my great-grandmother put her foot down and gave her a permanent loving home. Apparently my great-grandmother was the only one who could manage her but in reality, it wasn't so much management but the unconditional love that my great-grandmother showed her that made all the difference.

[Owllady]

Not everything has changed for the better. A friend of my Mums has a daughter the same age as me (30s) who has rett syndrome and tbh her parents got far more support and respite than I have ever had with my dd (who has similar) and they were really helped along, there wasnone of the get on with it yourself mentality

[saintlyjimjams]

Oh there is very limited support from professionals. I said a few posts ago 'thank god' that ds1 attends a special school because that is where he & we get support. I even try to access his medical care there as accessing medical services is near impossible when you have SLD's (well it is for him).

I do think the Internet has changed everything though zzzz. Because of the Internet I've never felt alone with severe autism. Without it I'd have found it all very isolating.

[Owllady]

instead saintly we found each other :o and I even manage to see your gay ex boyfriend every day despite neither of us living anywhere near you...

[Shellywelly1973]

My ds has a diagnosis of ASD & ADHD. He has an I.Q of 126. He was excluded from mainstream school at 5. Went to a fantastic Special School at7. He is in the GCSE. class for maths...he's only been in school for a year!

I've been 'advised' to put him in residential school by teachers, psychologists & family. Maybe one day i will have to.

I totally embrace my ds&his differences. I forget at times he's actually got SN, he's just ds.

I had no experience of any kind of SN before ds. I didn't even know what Autistic, really meant!

I think there is still an enormous amount of ignorance regarding SN/Autism/disability in our society.

I thought until last week i had 'educated' those closest, my family mainly about autism, ADHD & SN.

I, very sadly had a miscarriage last week. My mother&sister's reaction? Its for the best, just incase 'it' turned out like ds.