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AIBU?

To not spend Mother's Day with my one and only child?

41 replies

TangoPurple · 05/03/2013 08:44

My mum's offered to have her for the full day, and I've accepted.

She's 5yo and so far i've spent every Mother's Day, every Christmas, every birthday and every Hogsmany with it being just me and her. This will be the first 'big calendar event' that we're not together for. She's getting picked up at 10am and being brought home at 7pm.

I feel really guilty though! It's my mum's Mother's Day too, and she's got a house full of people already, and now my daughter's being added into the mix. So i'll have a nice day to myself, while she won't.

But she did offer/insist.

AIBU? Should all mothers spend the day with their children on Mother's Day?

OP posts:

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ArbitraryUsername · 06/03/2013 11:28

Wikipedia suggests that it once was a religious event (that had little or nothing to do with mothers) that was turned into what we celebrate as Mother's Day in the 20th century for entirely secular/commercial reasons. So not a religious event.

rainbow2000 · 06/03/2013 10:16

Whats the big guilt trip on the op she has her dd every day she is entitled to have one day to herself.
When my mother was alive i brought her out dp had the kids.Same when it was Fathers day he had his day out.

Im going out for dinner and drinks on Sunday that oesnt mean i dont love my kids,it just means a bit of me time

DaveMccave · 06/03/2013 10:06

Yanbu. My dd goes to her fathers at the weekend, an he always tried to bring her back early on Mother's Day and makes me feel guilty if I say the normal afternoon time is fine. I'd rather have the break!

2rebecca · 06/03/2013 08:57

My kids are with their dad on mothers' day. We never remember it when working out the weekends. They often forget to send a card or text, largely because my ex never bothers with it for his mum and they're usually doing stuff.
I know they love me though and that I am their mum.

Calabria · 06/03/2013 08:51

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday

For those that were asking if it were a religious event

Summerblaze · 05/03/2013 13:58

Did I miss the memo that said Mothers Day was a big calendar event. Do what you want to do.

You say that you are a single mum and obviously don't get the chance to do what you want to do a lot of the time. Last year MD fell on my daughters birthday. She did give me a card and a present but really that was the only time it was mentioned. The rest of the day was hers. Was I bothered. Not at all. Its just a day. My mum has been on holiday for it quite a few years and gets her card when she gets home.

Jenny70 · 05/03/2013 12:34

If my children had some great event and it fell on mothers day, we'd do it the weekend before/after, no problem.

But this sounds to me like everyone is having a mothers day lunch with your mum, except you.... then I'd feel left out.

Why exactly aren't you going too, and your mum can have DD another day?

Picturing your family giving presents to your mum, but you not there, picturing a toast to "all our mums" at lunch, with you not there and your DD not having a mum to say thanks to....

If it's just a regular sunday, then why not go along and create some things to make it a special mothers day lunch?

NumericalMum · 05/03/2013 12:29

That would be heaven on Mother's Day to be truly spoilt! Tbh Mother's Day is a total non event in our house. DH is away this year and previous years have involved no special celebration. It isn't Mother's Day where I am from but if it was I would spend the day with my mum, although that would probably cause mil to throw a strop so in reality I would carry on as if it were any other Sunday!

lubeybooby · 05/03/2013 11:11

Enjoy! I'm away on a work trip for mothers day. Though thankfully that particular day no actual work needs doing. I'll be 400 miles from my DD though!

MyNameIsAnAnagram · 05/03/2013 11:09

YANBU. My first ever mothers day was spent with a friend doing my sport, which is quite a timeconsuming one so not one I had had a chance to do much with a small bfing baby. Did I feel guilty? not one bit! I had a lovely day, ds had a lovely day with his dad. Everyoine won.

Snowflakepie · 05/03/2013 11:02

I will be at work on Mothers Day and my mum and MIL both live 2 hours away. It's no biggie in any of our lives, I will send a card as I have done since I left home. If it bothers you then by all means go too, but otherwise if she has offered to have your DD and there's no pressure or issue, enjoy the peace! Equally, my family have often held celebrations on days other than the 'official' one, owing to travel, work, etc. This year we had Christmas on the 28th dec, my birthday 2 days late and DDs 3rd birthday a day early as it was the only way we could have family time and make it special. I hate the insane commercialisation of family and the guilt that seems to go with it all.

FWIW, my idea of heaven would be a day to myself away from my toddler. Best Mother's Day gift ever. Get her a nice gift to say thank you and lots of appreciation when you see her. She sounds a lovely mum x

mrsjay · 05/03/2013 10:52

I am just wondering why you and rest of family don't all get together and do something nice for your Mum, yanbu to have a day on your own I just don't think I would want to not be with my mum too on the day and make it special for her. DD would surely enjoy having all her family together and your mum could have some treats like you all doing the lunch for her etc.

I just came back to suggest tango why dont you go round for a while spend some time with your mum

TangoPurple · 05/03/2013 10:38

I have 7 siblings, so my mum and dad have 8 kids together in total. She admits it would be too much stress to have everyone together for a meal, and too expensive to go out, especially since my older siblings are married and have children themselves. The house would be bursting at the seams!

My dad and brothers that live there work a lot during the week, so will probably just lounge around the house on the Sunday. My sister will be there though, which will be nice for my mum.

I see my mum 2-3 times a week already with dd, but she likes to have time on her own with dd if you see what i mean? When i'm there, my mum feels as if she has to take a step back, ask my permission to do stufff, sit down and chat rather than get on normally.

OP posts:

footphobic · 05/03/2013 10:31

Sorry, x posts with StepAway

It's a generational thing though surely? You and you dd and your mum?

footphobic · 05/03/2013 10:28

My views are also different but I understand people feel differently about the day.

Because I lost my mum when I was a young girl, I remember vividly every year through primary school the class making cards for Mothering Sunday and me being the only one who didn't...I was very but it was the 70's so no one thought to worry about it.

Now I have 5 dcs, it's a very poignant day for me but now it's all about enjoying my family. I wouldn't want to be on my own - I can't imagine (even without the background) wanting to spend the day without my children.

I know some mums might not want a fuss, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be a bit spoiled for a day or have a treat. It also depends how much appreciation might be shown to her during the rest of the year, it doesn't necessarily come down to just one day, but still, it is a special day and she shouldn't be running around after everyone else as usual...are they all happy to let her?

I take the point about crowded restaurants, but as you say there is a houseful, I would plan with them to cook a lovely meal (and get those who live there to do the housework!), all do a course each.

You say it will be an average Sunday for you mum, but does it need to be? Have a quiet morning by yourself if you like but if it was me I'd go over later with a bunch of flowers and some chocs, and spend a lovely afternoon with your mum and dd.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 05/03/2013 10:27

I am just wondering why you and rest of family don't all get together and do something nice for your Mum, yanbu to have a day on your own I just don't think I would want to not be with my mum too on the day and make it special for her. DD would surely enjoy having all her family together and your mum could have some treats like you all doing the lunch for her etc.

RedToothBrush · 05/03/2013 10:20

Mothers Day is not a 'big calendar event'.

Thats it really.

SpicyPear · 05/03/2013 10:12

YANBU. There is no need for Mother's Day to be a big deal if you don't want it to. For various reasons my DM is not into it at all. We've never celebrated it but we have a great relationship and do a lot of stuff together even though I now live a couple of hours away.

TangoPurple · 05/03/2013 10:08

I suppose i just see it as being the same as any other Sunday. But i feel a great obligation to spend it with dd because on the calendar it says 'Mother's Day'.

I think dd would have a far better time at Granny's house, playing out in the garden, having her aunt and uncles around - than she would with me at home, doing the same old, boring, Sunday routine.

OP posts:

MolotovCocktail · 05/03/2013 10:02

YABU - I'm clearly another one in the minority but I don't understand you're not wanting this day with your child.

TangoPurple · 05/03/2013 09:58

Thanks, everyone.

No, it's not guests my mum's having round - it's her permanent household. My dad, my two teenage brothers, and my sister is coming to stay for the weekend too.

So it'll end up just being an average Sunday for my lovely mum. A bit of housework, running around after everyone else, and making the sunday dinner. This is why i feel guilty. My mum doesn't seem to think it's a special day for her.

Lots of my friends are going out to lunch with their mums and their own children. I suggested this to my mum but she doesn't fancy it.

I'm thinking i could get quite a bit of work done while dd's away, it's not a religious event for us. If dd was to stay with me, it would probably just be a typical Sunday for us. Whereas she loves visiting her Gran.

OP posts:

RubyrooUK · 05/03/2013 09:58

YANBU. You are giving your mum some good time with her grandchild (my mum would be VERY happy with that). So you are treating your mum on Mother's Day to a situation that would make her feel happy.

And your mum is treating you in turn by offering you a rare selfish day to be yourself. So your mum is also treating you on Mother's Day.

So I don't think this is a case of nobody thinking about each other in a special day. Quite the opposite.

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KellyElly · 05/03/2013 09:53

Enjoy it! At 5 your DD won't really understand Mother's Day anyway. It's not like she'll make you a cup of tea in bed and take you for lunch! My DD is three and she'll probably be just as naughty on Sunday as she is every day at the moment

mrsjay · 05/03/2013 09:51

just*

mrsjay · 05/03/2013 09:51

your mum offered is there something going on she has a house full ? I would chill out relax and have a nice day to yourself do what you want, get a takeaway watch rubbish tv or go out and do something, Juts because it is MD doesnt mean your mum feels put upon, my mum works most mothers days , saying all that my 2o yr old is going out with her boyfriend for the day I am a wee but upset about it TBF she didnt realise it was MD when she organised her day out,

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