To have told this bloke to F off

[kittysaysmiaow]

I was walking DS (11 weeks) round the block in his buggy. I probably looked pretty miserable-I'm not, just sleep deprived and DS (11 weeks) has been alternately feeding and screaming at me non stop all day so I just wanted to get out of the house for a short walk. I walked past a group of pissed blokes standing outside a pub and one of them gave it the old 'give us a smile luv' and I snapped and told him to F off. I feel really annoyed with myself that I let him get the better of me but WHAT is an appropriate reply to this bloody annoying comment?

[ithaka]

YANBU, but take care. I did similar once and the blokes threw a glass at me - nasty little shits.

I remember when my son had died, navigating the streets head down and engulfed in shock for months. I had a very upsetting incident, with a random man who thought he had the right to judge me as not sufficiently warm and womanly. You just do not need random strangers intruding into your life who have no idea what is going on. Anyone who does deserves to be told to fuck off. But sadly the insensitive pricks who make such comments are just the sort to lash out when you don't respond 'nicely'.

[babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood]

lotta quite.

(why can only other people crystallise my jumbled mess of sleep deprived thoughts ?)

[flippinada]

I see a few professionally unoffended types have happened on this thread with their usual fatuous, inane commentary.

However since none of them take offence at anything they will read my comment with a tinkly laugh and skip off to another thread to spread the joy with their delightful bon-mots.

[MidnightMasquerader]

[babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood]

[kittysaysmiaow]

I accept I was U for swearing like that especially in front of little DS not nice. But Dolomites I'm pretty sure from his tone and demeanour that he was not concerned for my well being or trying to be kind

[Pagwatch]

The professionally unoffended is a whole new can of worms

I quite like the notion that men are so thick and inarticulate that, when faced with a woman he wants to engage with, shouting 'cheer up love it might never happen' is all his near Neanderthal brain can reach for.

It's a lovely work where the men are pig thick and the women smile and are grateful.

Personally I would ignore rather than respond.
It is the most banal of pleasantries though because it ignores the idea that one thing might actually have happened. A woman said it to my mum in tescos once and my mum replied 'well my husband of nearly fifty years died yesterday so actually it just did'.

[Ilovexmastime]

Anyone who thinks that a pissed up bloke, with a group of mates, saying that to an unknown woman is just trying to cheer her up is a bit dim imho.

[Spoonful]

Someone asking me to give them a smile doesn't cheer me up.
Why would it?

Am I obliged to smile at random people? That makes me feel less cheerful, not more cheerful. I want control of my own face, goddammit!

[flippinada]

kitty anyone who thinks swearing in front of an 11 week old baby is awful is being daft. Harassing a worn out and stressed new mum is far worse behaviour in my opinion.

They aren't going to remember it and they're certainly not going to repeat it, are they? :)

[SanityClause]

Telling someone to smile is just arrogant.

Saying something funny, or pleasant, or kind that makes them want to smile and then receiving a smile in return, is a friendly social interaction. And may well act to cheer someone up, which demanding a smile will not.

[limitedperiodonly]

that's for flippinada

[KellyElly]

Irritating and I usually respond with "why would I smile at you, weirdo". Hate it, hate it, hate it.

[Omnishambolic]

DC2 used to have a screaming fit every late afternoon. I used to take him for a walk in the pram as it was less painful than being in the house. I used to go round and round the park, or along the river, with a "say a word and I WILL kill you" scowl on my face, with the screams echoing off any nearby walls/trees/hard surfaces. If anyone had said that to me, then "fvck off" would be the very least of it. Good for you.

(It WILL get better but that's no help at the moment.)

Actually - can I recommend trying to out hassle people? I got fed up with being hassled by the Scientologists in town. One day when one of them was in my face I went right up to him with my best mad, scary eyes and hissed with my face about 12 inches from his that he should "just. fvck. off. and. leave. people. alone".

Next time I went past none of them went near me. So they think I'm a nutter. Meh. It worked.

[Sunnywithshowers]

YANBU at all.

[slug]

Omnishambles. I hiss "cult" at the Scientologists who block my way to the tube station daily. They've learnt to back off now.

[Boomerwang]

When I was much younger I walked past a couple of builders in town and one of them said 'you've dropped something, luv'. I looked down and then he said 'your balls!' which made his mate laugh.

I said 'they must be mine, cuz they sure as hell can't be yours' which made his mate laugh even louder.

I do get irritated when people say that 'cheer up' shit. I obviously have a reason for looking moody and it's none of their business how I present myself.

I wouldn't have shouted 'fuck off' as it's not how I do things. I would have either rolled my eyes to let it be known I expected nothing less from 'such a person' or just ignored it. What's he going to say when you've walked off? 'Moody cow!' about sums it up. Then you both get on with your lives.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

OK

Take on board.
I work in NHS with a whole variety of patients and some are MH patients who on the outside you wouldn't look give a second glance at.
But they start to chat and yes, some of them sound incoherant because of their thought processing and yes I can think of a few who sound drunk (but they're not)

They will say to me "hello love, hello darling" etc all terms of endearment and greeting.

So all of you who are patting yourselves on the back and congratulating yourselves for swearing at a complete stranger...

What if it was one of the men that I treat.
If you told them to "F off" when they were just trying in your way to be conversational ( Lovely lady with a lovely baby. Why does she look sad? I'll say cheer up love "

Because YOU DON'T KNOW

Well, I hope you're all darned proud of yourselves , eh?

[MidnightMasquerader]

The OP walked past a group of pissed blokes outside a pub, but nice guilt-tripping, 70.

But yes of course, far better that everyone smiles and is polite and ladylike, and buttons their lip and is accommodating to the 99% neanderthals, just in case it's actually the 1% with special needs...

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Well you just carry on justifying swearing at a complete stranger.

What's the deal with saying nothing?

Unless you know 100% that the man you told to fuck off won't come over and punch your lights off/ pull a knife.

But , hey, carry on.

[AnnieLobeseder]

Sorry 70isaLimitNotaTarget, I don't buy that. What you're doing is the ever-common victim blaming.

I'm not going to quietly be the nice little woman who knows my place (ie, to be decorative for men's amusement) just on the minuscule off change that a drunken lout happens to have mental health issues.

If you want things to be better for your mental health patients, how about blaming the drunken louts who think it's their right to make women feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, so that they always assume a man has the worst motives for shouting out?

[AnnieLobeseder]

The big deal with saying nothing is that when you accept it, he wins and will carry right on doing it to other women. I challenge sexism whenever I see it. And racism, and disable-ism (?). Nothing will ever change otherwise.

[ClippedPhoenix]

I'd not really take offence to this one to be honest.

If after a few sherberts myself and I saw someone as miserable as sin i may say the same thing.

What on earth has it got to do with being a woman vs. a man?

I'd have said get out of the pub and push this then. No big deal.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Victim blaming. Is that what I'm doing?

Is it any consulation if someone is lying in a hospital bed with a broken arm and half their teeth punched out to say "Well I showed him no-one calls me love and gets away with it"

Because (slightly off tangent) how many people get embroiled in motoring road rage incidents because they were right to blast the horn at someone, who takes offence

I'd sooner keep my face intact and think "idiot" than tell someone to F off.

And do you seriously think that shouting this to a drunk git will make him change his immoral ways?

No.
Let them make a fool of themselves.

Yes, that's my view. Whistle all you like Sonny Jim because you can't have me.
End of.

[complexnumber]

"My stock response it, "you appear to be under the mistaken impression that I exist to provide you with entertainment. I do not. Piss off." "

That looks pretty smart on the screen, but to be honest I cannot see it being treated with anything but howls of laughter and mock imitation as you walk past a boozer with the lads hanging out.

All they are looking for is a response. If you do, they are happy (no matter how you respond). If you don't they will have fogotten about it well before the pint is empty.