To have told this bloke to F off

[kittysaysmiaow]

I was walking DS (11 weeks) round the block in his buggy. I probably looked pretty miserable-I'm not, just sleep deprived and DS (11 weeks) has been alternately feeding and screaming at me non stop all day so I just wanted to get out of the house for a short walk. I walked past a group of pissed blokes standing outside a pub and one of them gave it the old 'give us a smile luv' and I snapped and told him to F off. I feel really annoyed with myself that I let him get the better of me but WHAT is an appropriate reply to this bloody annoying comment?

[showtunesgirl]

I have been sick for a few weeks with a nasty bug as well as a nice bout of conjunctivitis, thanks DD.

I was at the train station at a Geordie guy said to me: For fuck's sake, cheer up pet.

As if THIS was actually going to cheer me up!

[Boomerwang]

hahaha BonaDrag I really liked that :)

If a drunk bloke hanging outside of a pub leering at women did indeed have mental health issues, why should that stop me responding in whichever way I please? Clearly his illness doesn't stop him being a fully committed member of society right down to having a few pints in the pub. Equality swings both ways, right?

[BonaDrag]

I was wondering how long before someone came on here and said 'oh but what if they had mental health issues'.

Fucking AIBU bingo.

[targaryen24]

(well, i'd have imagined doing it, and probably ignore it/not have even heard it anyway as I was too tired to hear anything but my DS)

[targaryen24]

I'd have thrown a 'used' muslin cloth at him & bonked him on the head (so he could feel as disorientated as I did for those first few months) then asked him where his smile had vanished to...

prepares for flaming !!

[Pendeen]

"Just wish I had dealt with it in a more dignified way than swearing like a trooper"

My thoughts exactly.

A very coarse way to react, however tired or fed up you are.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

And WRT to the OP (as I'm ignoring her views /feelings apparently)

Give us a smile luv is not in any way sexual harassment?
Reword it as "Oi your miserable face might sour milk" is rude but not sexist either or in any way a come-on.

"WHAT is the appropriate reply to this bloody annoying comment* OP asked,
.
Nothing is the reply.
As in silence.Don't feed the trolls as they say on MN. Don't waste your oxygen talking out loud to them.
Walk on.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

I don't expect people to agree with me but YY to Spotty

How many times does someone post that Child A is being a right little git but gets bombarded with "Child A might have SN/ ADD"

Then it's an elderly person "being a grumpy old cow" . No, it might be a elderly person with Dementia or Alzheimers

But children become adults and how many people have undiagnosed issues (MH or otherwise)

But a drunk bloke- well he deserves to be told to go off and multiply.

Well, I'm off now.
But if someone drunk looks at me/ calls at me or whatever, I'll walk away and look with contempt.

That's being an adult IMO.

[AnnieLobeseder]

Spottyblancmange - I would equally point out on threads about bad behaviour from children when the SN card is played, that it is 99% more likely that the child is simply badly behaved. Though I do try to judge less these days just in case.

Also, given the setting (drunken lad outside a pub rather than a sober adult in a shop, for example) that he is simply a badly-behaved adult rather than someone with SN.

[MidnightMasquerader]

True.

[flow4]

Blokes round here often tell each other to fuck off. So do teenage girls. It's only us middle aged, middle class women who restrain ourselves. If you think 'oh fuck off', why not say it? It's actually slightly odd to continue to be 'nice' if someone is being deliberately annoying...

[Spottyblancmange]

There are far too many commas in that first sentence sorry, can't see what I'm typing beyond the last four or five words on this phone.

[Spottyblancmange]

Whilst I don't necessarily agree with what 70 said, I do wonder why whenever there is a post about what, on the surface, appears to be bad behaviour from children SN (which encompasses the whole spectrum including MH issues in children) are always, always taken into consideration, obviously as they should be, but when it's about adults, it becomes a 99% vs 1% thing suddenly. The vast majority of children with SN grown up to be adults with SN (even then it doesn't magically disappear at 18.) MH issues can strike anyone at any time. Why is the attitude on here so sympathetic to children with SN but dismissive towards any consideration an adult could? I'd hazard a guess because that's generally how society is.

[MidnightMasquerader]

And personally? No, I would never have the guts to tell someone to 'fuck off', but I don't blame the OP for doing so in the slightest.

[Lottapianos]

Some people tie themselves in knots and work incredibly hard to discredit how other people feel. And yes it is victim blaming 70

[FelicityWasCold]

70 you are veering from,

'These men am have MH issues, are vulnerable themselves and just want to be nice'

Through to

'You shouldn't react in case these drunken louts put you in hospital'

Depending on which opinion you think people will agree with, why are you so determined to discredit/ignore the feelings of the OP?

[Spoonful]

I don't mind people calling me love, or pet, or duck, or whatever. I don't think I even register when it happens really.
I didn't think that's what the thread was about, but some people keep bringing it up.

[ClippedPhoenix]

One person said a silly remark, the other told them to fuck off?

Come on now let's not get ridiculous about it.

[AnnieLobeseder]

I meant you were victim-blaming in your claim that women should feel guilty in case they responded rudely to your mental health patients.

[complexnumber]

"My stock response it, "you appear to be under the mistaken impression that I exist to provide you with entertainment. I do not. Piss off." "

That looks pretty smart on the screen, but to be honest I cannot see it being treated with anything but howls of laughter and mock imitation as you walk past a boozer with the lads hanging out.

All they are looking for is a response. If you do, they are happy (no matter how you respond). If you don't they will have fogotten about it well before the pint is empty.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Victim blaming. Is that what I'm doing?

Is it any consulation if someone is lying in a hospital bed with a broken arm and half their teeth punched out to say "Well I showed him no-one calls me love and gets away with it"

Because (slightly off tangent) how many people get embroiled in motoring road rage incidents because they were right to blast the horn at someone, who takes offence

I'd sooner keep my face intact and think "idiot" than tell someone to F off.

And do you seriously think that shouting this to a drunk git will make him change his immoral ways?

No.
Let them make a fool of themselves.

Yes, that's my view. Whistle all you like Sonny Jim because you can't have me.
End of.

[ClippedPhoenix]

I'd not really take offence to this one to be honest.

If after a few sherberts myself and I saw someone as miserable as sin i may say the same thing.

What on earth has it got to do with being a woman vs. a man?

I'd have said get out of the pub and push this then. No big deal.

[AnnieLobeseder]

The big deal with saying nothing is that when you accept it, he wins and will carry right on doing it to other women. I challenge sexism whenever I see it. And racism, and disable-ism (?). Nothing will ever change otherwise.

[AnnieLobeseder]

Sorry 70isaLimitNotaTarget, I don't buy that. What you're doing is the ever-common victim blaming.

I'm not going to quietly be the nice little woman who knows my place (ie, to be decorative for men's amusement) just on the minuscule off change that a drunken lout happens to have mental health issues.

If you want things to be better for your mental health patients, how about blaming the drunken louts who think it's their right to make women feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, so that they always assume a man has the worst motives for shouting out?

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Well you just carry on justifying swearing at a complete stranger.

What's the deal with saying nothing?

Unless you know 100% that the man you told to fuck off won't come over and punch your lights off/ pull a knife.

But , hey, carry on.