to wonder if anyone else is driven slightly potty by a constant stream of silly questions from their DH?

[freddiefrog]

I love him dearly, but dear god!

Small sample from last 24 hours

I was helping DD2 wash her hair in the bath last night, she usually puts a flannel over her eyes as she's a bit funny about water going in her face and I realised there were no flannels in the bathroom

Me (to DH who is wafting around on the landing): can you just chuck me a flannel please?
DH: where are they?
Me: in the airing cupboard
DH: where in the airing cupboard?

It's a small cupboard, just look!

This morning:
Me walking into the small downstairs loo
DH: where are you going?

Also this morning - DH works from home in an office in the garden. He came in for a tea/loo break just as I was emptying the washing machine

Me: can you just put this in the tumble drier please? (which he'd have to walk right past to get to the loo)
DH: where is it?

In the utility room, next to the toilet where it has been kept for the past 10 years!!!!!

DH: have you seen my car keys
Me: on the hook in the kitchen
DH: what hook?

The same sodding hook that he put up and has been hanging them on every single day for years

I am being lighthearted, he's not a complete dimwit and pulls his weight with the house and kids, but honestly, I sometimes wonder whether he actually lives here

[cerealqueen]

Just thought of another...when we go out for the day and I run around packing bags, sorting clothes etc, he'll get the DCs dressed and simply say 'shall I put them in the car' when on some occasions I am still wearing my pyjamas and can't work out why I am cross.

Or have the car running, while I am still getting myself dressed, like everybody is waiting for me because I have been sat on my arse dong nothing all morning. .

[LadyRainicorn]

My dh has a sort of inverted man look. If its right in front of him, he can't see it. Peripheral items are fine. Dd1 has it too - where's x? Just by your foot. She wonders off to a random corner her eyes seemingly passing off x as if it had an invisibility cloak on, then gets upset she can't see x.

[Lynned]

Lol at not knowing where the tumble drier was!

I have a theory, the more useless they are the less you will ask them to do!

[curryeater]

cerealqueen, there is another one a bit like that where dp decides apparently randomly that I have been faffing about in the kitchen for long enough and informs dcs that dinner is ready. They bolt into the dining room and hurl themselves expectantly into their chairs, and then I am the tight bitch who is cruelly starving them because the spuds are rock hard.

[Baiji]

DH always does a slightly baffled and incredulously questioning repetiton of the last word or so of a perfectly reasonable question / sentence, makes me want to kill him...

Me: 'It's parent's evening tomorrow'

Him: (with a look on his face as though I had proposed an evening of snake charming) 'parent's evening?'

Me: The car tax is due on the Nissan'

Him: 'car tax?'

Me: have you seen DD's reading book?

Him: 'reading book?'

[Baiji]

italics fail! but you get the picture. And so on, for ever, until one of us dies...

[curryeater]

AGH Baiji! I know it.

Then there is the thing where they say something which has two salient parts but the toddler stuffs a mitten in your ear in one part, so you ask them to repeat it, and they repeat the part you heard already, AGAIN AND AGAIN

"there's a mfffmmnnnmmgggmgmmggg over there behind the slide"
"sorry?"
"BEHIND THE SLIDE" ("you idiot" face)
"sorry, what's behind the slide?"
"BEHIND THE SLIIIIIIIIIDE" (practically rolling his eyes and twirling his finger beside his temple)

[curryeater]

Man, this is like therapy. I realise that it is politely going along with the notion that I am the incompetent idiot (which is why the whole family is waiting while I fight with the pram, or have to beg to have things repeated, etc) which reduces me to occasional meltdowns. Like Surrey Quays-gate. The conversation went like this:

DP: Surrey Quays has changed so much since I last went there.
me: really? When did you last go there?
DP: (Again, with a "you idiot" look): I used to live there.
me: I know, but when did you last go there?
DP: (in voice for the hard of understanding): I USED... to LIVE there.
me: Yes, I know, but that was before I met you, and I don't know when that was. Even if I did, I still don't know whether or not that was the last time you went there. If you are telling me that somewhere has changed a lot in a period of time, presumably you think that is interesting, but I won't know what is interesting about it unless I know what the period of time is. This is what you are refusing to tell me, even though you started this whole fucking conversation and presumably wanted to have it. So stop treating me like a fucking idiot.

After this he didn't speak to me for a few days and then suggested we have couples counselling.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

curryeater, sorry but your husband sounds like a complete prick.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Celebmum has reminded me of another delightful thing dh does. He will hurry us all towards the front door, chivvying us towards the car, and then as soon as we have got in the car, he vanishes back into the house for some never-stated reason, leaving us all sitting there like lemons, wondering why he didn't bloody well do whatever it was before hurrying us all out of the house. Oh, and the colder it is in the car, the longer he will be indoors, doing whatever the friffing he'll it is.

Golly - that was a bit more ranty than I was expecting!

[curryeater]

sorry, I might have gone a bit wrong and misused this thread. excuse me

[WhereYouLeftIt]

No apology needed curryeater except from me if I've made you uncomfortable, but that is quite a level of fuckwittery he is handing you.

[HazleNutt]

Oh I can relate to the man-blindness.

• where is x?
  
• in the drawer.
  

DH looks: no, not there
I walk over, without moving anything point at the item staring back at us.

How do they do it? Why?

The other thing - whenever we are going somewhere, we absolutely must have the "have we taken everything" moment. Consisting of DH listing everything we need for the particular trip: "So, we have wallets, phones, etc etc." Never, not once have we remembered something we actually had forgotten during this. We only remember the forgotten things half an hour from home..

[Speedos]

Curryeater, your DH sounds like mine and I'm only beginning to realise it. We are in a very bad place at the moment.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

My DH does that repeating thing as well.

Also he seems to think I am telepathic and starts conversations half way through. Then wonders why I have no idea what he was talking about.

For example-today.
DH So, the wedding is on June first.
Me "eh? What wedding?
DH The one that's in the castle
Me "DH I have no actual idea who is getting married and why it's in a castle. You are going to have to elaborate
DH Julie from work is getting married. In a castle. On June 1st. And she invited us.

So why didn't you say that then?

Also he cannot shop. He refuses to ask where anything is. If it is not in the place he expects it to be then clearly the item milk does not exist.

And god forbid he should buy 4 pints instead. Oh no. Because I asked for 6.

[Pollykitten]

Yes to not being able to put things down esp the tea thing - I mean it is VERY nice of him to bring me a cup of tea to me in bed in the morning, but why can't he put it down!? I'm lying down, half asleep or asleep and he wants to pass the tea directly into my feeble hand. I always say very nicely 'would you mind putting it down? Thank you so much darling' and this is always greeted with a very long-suffering sigh.... it clearly upsets him no end to have to put the tea down on the bedside table

[erowid]

DP: Where is such-and-such?
ME: Where do you think it would be?
DP: Probably in this-place
ME: Then thats where it will be

He'll get there, he's learning.

[Velve]

DH and I both do it when we're not totally "present", due to tiredness, stress etc.
I was also like this constantly when I was pregnant.

[Pandemoniaa]

DP can never find anything and always needs to ask where he might find everyday objects. Although he has a ludicrously long memory for long discarded things that used to be kept in places that no longer exist and have not existed for several years. The former cupboard under the stairs being a classic. Watching him gaze at the wall where the door to this cupboard used to be provides constant, if wearying entertainment. As does the commentary which goes along the lines of "I'm sure we had some pliers/wire/brushes to clean shoes with/a thermometer. What have you done with them?"

[NishiNoUsagi]

curryeater and tantrumsandballoons
I fear we're all married to the same man, I get exactly the same thing and it drives me up the wall!

DH - "hbfhfrh fhuihs sfh on Tuesday."
Me - "Sorry, what on Tuesday?"
DH - "Germany!"
Me - "Germany? On Tuesday? What's happening in Germany on Tuesday?"
DH - "Bob!"
Me, slowly losing will to live - "Bob?! OK, I didn't hear any of the sentence except "Tuesday", please can you repeat the sentence again with all the words that you used the first time, in exactly the same order? Please?"
DH - "Oh, Bob is going to Germany next Tuesday."
Me - (considers saying I have no idea who the heck Bob is, but given that I already need valium and a lie down, give up) "That's lovely, dear."

Actually recently, I hear "dhsf hfsihs hfsh fs chicken!" and just say "Oh really?/Hmm!/Did you?" at random. Then when he says "You're not listening, are you.." I say, "No," smile nicely and wander off. It's much more relaxing!*

*disclaimer - may not be a healthy attitude

[pacific407]

It's so great reading all of these posts - I'm always getting an earful for my "attitude" when I dare to point out that, for example, there is just no way that I would have moved his spirit level. I literally cannot imagine a scenario whereby I am alone in the house, go hunting for his spirit level, and then move it to a random location (after presumably having used it or else why have I gone looking for it in the first place).

I had a great one the other week - DH generally puts DS to bed while I make dinner downstairs. This never, ever, happens without at least 5 questions being shouted down the stairs at me, often requiring me to actively intervene. This time, I'm down the stairs, elbow deep in vegetables. DH: "DW, could you just put some toothpaste on DS's toothbrush for me?".

[Pandemoniaa]

Can I just add the secondary complaint which some of you have touched on which is the asking of incomprehensible questions?

Only DP specialises in being two rooms away before asking some of his more fuckwitted questions. Which makes the dialogue doubly frustrating since you know you've been asked something ridiculous but could only hear part of it.

Last Sunday's Thermometer Gate was a classic of this. It started behind a closed bathroom door and concluded with him saying (much in the manner of a small child discovering that some much-loved item had been callously discarded) "But I always used to have a thermometer. Always! Why have you thrown it away?". I hadn't, as it happens. He just couldn't get beyond the non-existent cupboard under the stairs situation again.

[soaccidentprone]

we're about to go out as a family.

dh - get bag, put on shoes and coat then go and sit in the car.

me - hassle ds's to hurry up, check the back door is locked, all windows closed, ds's have been to the loo, got everything they need to take with them, make sure I have everything ie shopping bags, mobile, recycling(?) etc, then put on shoes etc, shout at ds's to hurry up, put on alarm and lock up.

all the time dh is sat in the car more and more fidgety about waiting for us.

last time this happened I said 'we'd be much quicker if you could help me lock up etc rather than just go and sit in the car'

his response 'I didn't know that you needed help, and I didn't want to get in the way!'

makes me aarrhh just thinking about it

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Have you moved the cupboard under the stairs, Pandemoniaa, or did it just vanish one night?

[freddiefrog]

We've just had one of the most ridiculous conversation

DH was upstairs in the loo. I've just come in from school run

DH - Barry just rang
Me - who is Barry?
DH - not Barry, Barry!
Me - right, that clears that up
DH - the solicitor
Me - oh, you mean Anne
DH - yes
Me -