I am a single parent and have my DS 99% of the time, apart from in the school holidays when he goes away with XP for up to 3 nights.
This means I don't go out much in the evenings and if I do want to go out I generally have to pay a babysitter. I don't begrudge this, although it does mean I don't have much of a social life because money is tight.
What really rankles is that on the rare occasion when DS is away, my married friends never seem willing to get a babysitter themselves if their DHs aren't around.
So the conversation usually goes:
Me; "Hi DF, I've got a night off later this week, do you fancy going out?"
DF: "No sorry I can't - DH is out that night."
So, if I want to see them we have to find a time when they can go out for free and I have to find a babysitter!
I find this annoying and hurtful on so many levels - mainly because I think they must not want to see me that much, but also because I think they are mostly much more able to afford a babysitter than me as they have two incomes coming in.
So AIBU or do I have crap friends?
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
To think my married friends might cough up for a babysitter occasionally
Sheila · 11/02/2013 10:58
YANBU at all and I'm 
at some of the smug marrieds on here
they just don't get it, but sadly would do if their h left or died 
I think most single parents have encountered this tbh - I find school parents' socials difficult because I have to pay for a babysitter to go on top of the cost of the evening, whereas it'd be rearranged if someone's dh were away or they'd complain if they had to get a babysitter etc. It's just ignored that as an lp you have to get a babysitter to go out.
On the plus side only a couple more years and you won't need to pay for one as ds will be old enough not to need one 
If you had just come with me for cheese-making, I would definitely come out with you! 
Do you think it is the age of the children rather than them being married?
Most of my friends have children the same age as mine. We go out together now and then, and some times, to make it possible for us all, one of us might have to get a baby sitter. That is fine.
But one of my friends whose child is a LOT younger, will never come out. I have not seen her without her baby at all since her child was born. No question of leaving her with her dh, not for lunch, not for the evening, not even for evening seminars and networking events in the field we work. My friend has not been to see me at all since she got pregnant. First it was a drag on the train because of her bump. Fair enough. And now, it is "too far" to take baby. ok. 
Do your friends have younger children than you?
OP I'm totally confused! You're upset because your friends don't want to get a babysitter instead opting for their dads to watch them- but you're doing the same yourself 
. On one hand you don't want to leave your 12 year old by himself which I understand, but you don't seem to keen on any other ideas people have suggested.
Surely you could tell your friends a few weeks ahead of time that you will be child free and would like to make plans? And surely you could mention to your friends that you would really appreciate it if they told you way in advance about social plans so you could make arrangements for your son (such as a sleepover).
When my DSD was 12 we would sometimes leave her at home when we went out to dinner. We would only venture about 20 minutes away and keep our mobiles on the whole time. She really enjoyed having the place to herself and watching whatever she wanted to on TV
All the single parents I know have people queuing up to baby sit for them (for free, yes free!!). Literally. It leaves me when I hear about their busy social lives. I know if I became a single parent I'd have NO ONE and probably almost never go out.
I am married & we could afford a babysitter, but to be honest, for years I felt that my rambunctious brats were too much for any babysitter we knew, or perhaps at times we knew a reliable adult babysitter but lost her phone number 2 months later. Certainly wouldn't leave them with random babysitter.
last weekend for first time every I left my lot with random teenager (okay not entirely random, regularly minds younger siblings). Keep in mind my eldest is a teen, too, just not a reliable one for looking after younger sibs. That was as challenging as I thought random teen should ever be lumbered with.
I had some (married to each) other friends who used to get short-tempered with us because we wouldn't go out for a meal with them... they wouldn't accept that we knew no one we thought we could ask to babysit (there are NOT professional babysitting services in our area, either). They never offered to sit, I wondered how heavy a hint I should drop but they never got it. They stopped asking, obviously presumed we didn't really want to go out.
So my first thought in OP's case was if the children (of her friends) were difficult and too much of a headache for the married couples to easily find a sitter.
I completely sympathise with you OP. Sometimes arranging an evening out as a single parent feels like climbing Everest, and it makes you feel really stabby when your friends aren't willing to make half the effort (and many of my friends are single mums- they just have kids old enough to leave, or their exes have the kids some of the time).
The insularity of some coupled-up people stuns me. Seriously, you don't socialise without your DP/ DHs? In fact, since I've got a boyfriend, I've become the victim of people assuming I'm like that- "oh, we didn't think to ask you because we thought you'd be doing something with your boyfriend". FFS.
I guess I am slowly and surely combating the problem- by making different friends .
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