To think I should get to pick what my dd wears?

[cherryonthetop2013]

So MIL gave a dress, tights, shoes and shrug to DP the other day. I don't like it, neither does DP. The shoes are too small for her, the tights and shrug are also not nice.
I'm not fussy or ungrateful, I just really don't like it, she'll look like a bridesmaid on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Far far too fussy for a baby (she's only 5 months).
MIL bought the dress before Xmas so I doubt I'll be able to return it.
Anyway, last night DP told me that MIL wants DD to wear it to our birthday meal. MIL and I share the same birthday so we're having a big family meal at a lovely restaurant.
I've already got a dress for DD that she was given when she was first born and I've been dying for her to grow in to it, it's stunning and she looks so beautiful in it and I can't foresee another occasion for her to wear it.
DP has said he's not getting involved over the dress politics but "it is also my Mum's birthday and I think she'll be upset if she doesn't wear it".
But honestly the dress makes me want to vomit, I'd cringe every time I looked at my dd looking so rediculous. A couple of my friends have also seen the dress and say the same, it's vile!

Having a boy was so much easier, no bloody dramas about dresses then!

What do I do? Put her in a dress that I hate so to not upset MIL or put her in a dress which I love?
Btw it's my 30th and MIL's 60th so both special birthdays, so I can't even use that as a decider.

[Hullygully]

I would think totally differently. I would be delighted that there was such an easy way to put a stock of goodwill and love in the bank...

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

Just put her in the damn dress already.
Then take it off when you get away.
The photos will remind you of the time when you acted generously and with love.
And make you all laugh in years to come.

[thebody]

I suggest you have a hard time ahead if you are this stressed about what a 5 month old baby wears..

You both sound like you think dd is a dress up doll.

Put her in what you want to and both grow up and enjoy your birthdays.

[maddening]

I think the mil should be kind and not makea fuss.

[PoppyAmex]

I totally agree with Hully and seeker, in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter one jot and it will make a member of your family happy.

If you're worried about what people think (i.e. your comment about the Gipsy Wedding) here's my opinion: I think 5 month olds in dresses and shoes look naff and a baby that age shouldn't be wearing shoes anyway.

[LemonBreeland]

atthewelles it is the fact that the MIL 'will be upset' if the dress is not worn as has been suggested by the OPs DH that is the problem. It is fine for the MIL to buy a dress. It is not fine for her to suggest when an outfit should be worn. It is not her child.

FWIW I have two DSes so will be the MIL and would not expect that level of input into my DGC.

[LittleChimneyDroppings]

I'd put her in the dress that I wanted her to wear personally.

Post a pic of the fugly dress though, I want to see it

[DontmindifIdo]

Yep, put her in the one you bought. If MIL says anything, say you didn't realise the dress was for today, or it's had a poo explosion on it.

It also might be worth saying to her or loudly round others that as DD will start crawling soon you're making the most of putting her in dresses as they aren't practical with a crawling child - and that it's a pity she's got some lovely dresses for the next size up (6-9months), but will probably not wear them as you'll have to put her in trousers/leggings and tops so she can crawl easily. At least then if MIL's taste is rather different to yours you'll get to tone it down if it's just top or bottom half...

(I had to guide my parents away from overly logoed clothes, god knows what they will turn up with if this one I'm pregnant with is a girl, they seem to be makign up for their lack of funds when DB and I were little with whole wardrobes of stuff I don't like for DS, I can see a see of pink frills arriving from them, MIL on the other hand, goes in for tasteful and practical clothing...)

[gotthemoononastick]

Running to examine the party dress I am taking to Australia.Over the top price.. ..organic cotton dontchaknow!l l love,love it.Remains to be seen if it will hit the bin.Dd and I have never had the same taste anyway.My pleasure was in the dreaming and choosing and looking and buying.If she doesn't like,so be it!

[PoppyAmex]

That's really sad, gotthemoon.

Hopefully you'll get to see your DGD wearing it

[Inertia]

Put her in the dress when you turn up so she can be in a photo with grandma.

DD will surely need a nappy change shortly after, and it'd be such a shame if her dress got wet during the nappy change.

Surely at 5 months the baby isn't likely to be spilling much food down herself?

[Fakebook]

God forbid anyone else other than a mother get excited about a baby. I don't think the mil is controlling, she's just probably excited and made a suggestion about what dress a 5 month old baby should wear. The baby will wear it for 3 hours max. The baby has her whole life ahead of her to wear clothes chosen by her own mother. What a whole lot of brouhaha about nothing.

[gotthemoononastick]

Dontmidifido,you are right.I have more to spend now.Made do when my children were small.The irrational excitement at the wonder of this new little life is inexplicable and of course the babyshops are like Alladin's caves.Buying for baby instead of for the garden!!!!

[sleepingsatellite]

Get where your coming from, my MIL always buys the boys clothes in colours that make them look really poorly, but as she has been kind enough to buy them, I can be kind in return and put the boys in the outfits she has chosen, no big deal really

[pixi2]

Put her in your dress. Your baby. Your mil has had her babies.

[PoppyAmex]

I don't even know why this thread is pissing me off so much.

I'm so sick of the "your baby, your rules hun" brigade;
the "your entitled" crew;
the "it's your right" crowd...

Just reading gotthemoon's post is heartbreaking, FFS what's wrong with people? A fucking baby dress makes you want to vomit?

How about some old fashioned kindess?

[Sirzy]

Some people obviously care too much about what they dress their children in. Heaven help the op when she has a 3 year old who wants to wear wellies with her party frock!

[RoLoh]

I understand these situations can be difficult. It's actually super unimportant at 5 months but the reality is that often we don't act completely rationally when it comes to stuff like this!

I would arrive at the restaurant with dd in the ugly outfit, let MIL go nuts over her and take photos, then say that you also bought a dress for the occasion and change dd into your dress when you first change her nappy. I'm sure your MIL won't mind sharing as long as she gets to see her wearing it once.

[deleted203]

I'd put her in my own dress. If MIL bought it before Christmas but only gave it to you the other day then that was daft of her, IMO. DD could have worn it over Christmas perhaps. Perfectly reasonable now to say, sorry - it was too small for her.

[Greensleeves]

I think my response to this would depend on the wider relationship with the MIL

If she is generally a kind and supportive MIL and this really is just about a grotty dress she is all excited about, then I would dress dd in it and make MIL's day. It's a few hours and it will make her happy. Yes, choosing what your child wears is a perk of being a parent (not that it floats my boat particularly) but accommodating and sometimes humouring batty relatives is also part of being a parent. We all have to do it, it's just being generous and it's not that hard, is it?

If on the other hand the MIL is a toxic passive-aggressive narc who constantly pushes boundaries, has no respect for her DIL, manipulates her son , takes every opportunity to score a point - then it's not about the dress and I wouldn't stand for it.

[seeker]

So the MIL s batty for wanting the dress she gave to be worn- but the OP is entirely reasonable to want the same!

Why are people so mean spirited?

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

Put your DD in the outfit you like. I understand about it being your birthday too, so you'll want nice photos of you and your DP with your DD in the dress you prefer. Just do it. If she questions it just say you appreciate her buying things for DD but you'd already purchased her dress for the occasion, plus you don't want her wearing shoes at they age.

Also, if you put her in the MILs dress, your MIL will assume you love that style of dress and will buy more when she grows out of that one. Put her in the MILs dress for Sunday much at MILs or something.

[seeker]

"If on the other hand the MIL is a toxic passive-aggressive narc who constantly pushes boundaries, has no respect for her DIL, manipulates her son , takes every opportunity to score a point - then it's not about the dress and I wouldn't stand for it."

Is there any other kind on mumnsnet? And reading posts from DILs, I can certainly see where they come from..........

[wineandroses]

Op I totally understand why you want to see your DD in your choice of dress. But I still think you should put her in MIL's dress. My MIL was very controlling (or tried to be) and bought loads of hideous clothes for my DD when she was little. I only dressed DD in them on very rare occasions and I did not do it with good grace. MIL isn't around anymore and I do now look back to those days and regret that I was too mean-spirited to give her the simple pleasure of seeing her smallest GD in something she had taken the time to choose for her. You have years and years ahead where you will be in charge of almost everything to do with DD. Where's the harm in letting MIL have the delight of seeing her in the dress?