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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is strange to change someone's present?

92 replies

JaneFonda · 05/02/2013 18:36

I'll try to keep this as simple as possible, without giving away too many details.

For Christmas, MIL and FIL suggested getting something quite expensive for DS1's Christmas present. He would have absolutely loved it, and would have had many years of use out of it. Because it was quite expensive, me and DP offered to pay some of it, but instead they suggested having it as a joint birthday/Christmas present. I thought this was a great idea, then it was 100% from them IYSWIM, and the price was then okay for a birthday and Christmas present combined.

The present wasn't to arrive until around January/February time, but DS was absolutely fine with that, as he knew it was worth waiting for.

However, this evening, they phoned us up to say that they had got DS a violin for the present instead. Which, while lovely, is not something that DS has shown interest in, or said he wanted as a present.

I am genuinely prepared to accept IABU, by the way, I don't want to seem ungrateful but I am a little upset for DS. I know that finances aren't a problem for them (we would have happily paid towards it anyway), so AIBU to think that this is strange of them?

OP posts:
Uppermid · 05/02/2013 18:57

I would tell them that whilst its a lovely idea, he has no interest in playing the violin so it would be a complete waste. Ask them what's happened to the club membership that was previously agreed on.

CloudsAndTrees · 05/02/2013 18:58

YANBU.

Telling a child that you are going to give them something special that they really want and then changing it to something they have no interest in is just plain mean.

Uppermid · 05/02/2013 18:58

Why be gentle. You had an agreement, they've now decided to get something completely unsuitable.

WhichIsBest · 05/02/2013 18:58

Sell the violin!

Narked · 05/02/2013 18:58

Hmm. Tricky. I think I'd get it valued (three quotes/offers) ostensibly for insurance reasons and then decide how to handle it based on that. If it's something that's comparable price wise to the membership it might be a moment of madness on their parts.

Crikeyblimey · 05/02/2013 18:59

Yep - I agree. Sell it to fund the tennis. Poor lad. How awful for him :(

ReluctantMother · 05/02/2013 18:59

Sell it and put the cash towards the membership.

JustinMumsnot · 05/02/2013 19:00

Easy-peasy, take the violin, sell it and use the proceeds to pay for tennis club membership.
And if they never speak to you again, that'll be a bonus present. Grin

JustinMumsnot · 05/02/2013 19:00

Cross-posted with loads! Great minds think alike, OP. Just do it!

jennybeadle · 05/02/2013 19:02

That is just odd!

Original poster
JaneFonda · 05/02/2013 19:02

:o Thank you all for your advice.

I was preparing to told IABU and ungrateful, but I am glad to know that it is something weird on their part.

Whatever happens, DS will still be able to play tennis, even if the ILs don't pay for it.

OP posts:
SpicyPear · 05/02/2013 19:02

It is relevant, because now they have done this you know that you have to take steps to protect your DCs from this type of thing.

CrapBag · 05/02/2013 19:03

Yep I would sell it and if they queried it, tell them that as they thought it was valuable, then you assumed this was their intentions for it, to sell and fund the tennis that they had originally promised.

I feel sorry for your DS, but well done him for still saying thank you!

SENworry · 05/02/2013 19:05

Bizzare! It is a very tiny violin?

ChristmasJubilee · 05/02/2013 19:11

Is it even the right size violin for him? Sell it!

TeamEdward · 05/02/2013 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Booyhoo · 05/02/2013 19:23

do you think they would be selfish enough to want to get him something different that has the potential to be his new great talent that they could claim the credit for? is tennis something that you and DH got him interested in and they feel they would like to get him something he could be good at that they initiated IYSWIM?

my mum can be a bit odd like this. for ds's birthday last year (in july) he had wanted a flickr for ages and i was getting him one, then my mum started saying how she had heard they were really bad for children's hips and how she had heard stories about children being hurt on them. so i had a rethink and got him something else. dmum got him something else and no more mention was made of it until xmas and what had she gotten him? a flickr! and it definitely wasn't that she had always planned to get one for him because she would have told me (as has happened in the past) and she knows i wouldn't have minded getting him something else so she could give him the flicker as what he wants is what matters to me, not who gives it to him. i think she just wanted the credit for getting him the flickr.

ginmakesitallok · 05/02/2013 19:26

I'd sell it. What's the point of giving an expensive instrument to a child who doesn't play?? It's a really difficult instrument to learn (for player and those who have to listen to it!)

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 05/02/2013 19:31

They are BU. they have let you down on purpose. I hate when people do these petty controlly things,either buy a surprise or ask and stick to it, but to ask, agree, then get something different is deliberately annoying.

I would ask your DH to tell them you don't want a violin thanks.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/02/2013 19:31

I would get your DH to phone/email them and tell them what your DS said

  • "So does this mean I can't play tennis anymore?" If that doesn't melt their hearts then they are selfish so and sos.

If its any consolation I was expecting Disney tickets for Christmas ( as promised by parents) instead I got clingfilm Confused ! But I think my parents are a tad strange when it comes to presents and there was no malice intended.

Yfronts · 05/02/2013 19:36

ask them if they mind returning the violin and you could use the money towards a tennis membership.

Squeakygate · 05/02/2013 19:46

Broach subject with them or just sell it after couple of months saying "ds prefers tennis, it was just sat doing nothing". If they ask.

scarletforya · 05/02/2013 19:47

They deffo got it free, that's why it's so random.

Get it valued and sell it.

ModernToss · 05/02/2013 19:47

What an odd thing to do - an expensive instrument for a youngish child who has expressed no interest in it.

YANBU at all. Don't know that you'll get away with selling it though without causing huge offence.

wibblyjelly · 05/02/2013 19:51

I would say to them that what with paying for ds's tennis, you don't have any spare cash for violin lessons, and ds wouldn't have time anyway. It seems a shame to waste such a lovely instrument, so maybe they could sell it, and the money could go toward the tennis lessons?