To ask you what your most cringe worthy faux pas has been?

[superstarheartbreaker]

And make me feel better about mine in the process?

I had a friend over with her daughters on Friday night. We were drinking wine and watching films whilst the girls went to bed. I was a bit tiddled. I started talking about this girl who I envy as she has amazing hair whereas mine is shite. I said rather bitchily "Well her face isn't anything special...a bit like yours and mine but her hair is amazing!" Oh my goodness I wanted the ground to swallow me up! To which my very good natured friend replied "Oh so your saying I'm not pretty now!"
She is actually very pretty.
Things got worse in the morning when I was describing the horrid basin haircuts that my mum used to cut for me; with a fringe. Yes my friend has a fringe! Can you tell I have hair issues?! I sound so shallow but I am not obsessed with appearance any more than the next girl. I did sound like a bitch.
The most annoying thing about the fauz pas of course is that the more you try and explain yourself out of it, the deeper hole you dig! Please share with me yours. I am still cringing now.

[BuntyCollocks]

Was shown a class picture in a newspaper which contained a colleagues child, who I'd never seen ( the child I mean). Pointed at one "Jesus, she's not the prettiest", or words to that effect.

Of course, that was her daughter.

[ripsishere]

Tried to pull a dwarf woman out of a toy shop.
Left a woman with a spinal injury on the rooftop breakfast bit of a hotel with her sundress round her waist exposing her breasts.
Dropped a piece of toe on the floor of an operating theatre.....
Gossiping drunkenly about one of DHs colleagues wifes and speculating how much he'd paid for her. They were sitting behind us.

[MooseBeTimeForCoffee]

I'd been emailing a travel company for quotes for a holiday with prices for both business and economy class. I was forwarding these on to my husband for his opinion. She came back with a revised quote including business class flights which looked too good to be true, so I asked her to double check.

Sure enough, she came back and told me they were economy flights. I meant to send an email to my husband saying, "the dippy cow cocked it up" but I hit reply instead ...

[Juanca]

At the swimming pool one morning I got chatting to a very elderly man who was slowly but resolutely swimming many laps. He told me he was 93 and I said "That's really impressive!" He said something like "I'm sure you'll be swimming laps at my age" and I said ...

"I'm pretty sure I'll be dead by then."

[Cortana]

I was on the receiving end once.

Came into college late.
Friend runs up, sees me looking like seven kinds of shite and asks "Woah, who died!"

Had to tell her it was my Grandfather. A friend who had figured what had happened was practically slow mo running with a "nooooooooooooo face" behind her to attempt to intervene (she didn't want to tell the faux-pas-er in case it wasn't as bad as she'd thought).

Not in touch with the person who made the faux pas any more, but the other friend and I regularly have a little giggle about how awful and yet hilarious the whole thing was.

So fear not, they'll all laugh about it eventually.

[CuttedUpPear]

This was at my cousin's wedding. One of those long rambling speechy affairs where people kept getting up to add their ten pence worth. The bride's mother, however, did an interesting number all about her lack of warmth towards her own children and this being because her own father had been very cold towards her as a child. Everyone was a bit but the family is a bit eccentric so it was par for the course.

I was starving when they finally released us finished and let us loose on the champagne. Instantly drunk, I wobbled up to my friend's new girlfriend. She was a bit wary of me because I had had a clandestine relationship with the friend previously to her getting together with him, and she was just about the only person apart from us who knew. It was never mentioned between us and we were all trying to move on with dignity.

Thinking I was being matey, I commented on the mother of the bride's surprise speech. With other, more amusing, family indiscretions in mind, I then slurred "Well we know some worse secrets that that, don't we?" with a big wink, before reeling off into a hedge as I realised what it must have sounded like.

She must have thought I was really rubbing her nose in it. I was effectively frozen out of their lives after that for several years.

[MichelleRooJnr]

Explaining to my boss how in Northern Ireland (maybe just Belfast) the name for chavs was Millies. Or Spides for boys.
On and on I went about how when I see such and such a style or behaviour I think "fekkin Millie" rather than chav.
Yep - his daughter's called Millie.

[Tryharder]

LOL at these.

I deal with the public in my workplace and once dealt with a man and a much older looking woman. I asked the man if this was his mother. It turned out it was his wife.

[ihavenonameonhere]

Having recently started a new job I told a colleague that I was sick of one of the guys coming to my floor to flirt and hit on my staff. Turned out it was her boyfriend

[Moknicker]

SO many - where to start?

At my new office I was trying to make friends.

Went out to lunch with a french girl who smoked like a chimney. During the conversation she said "Im 38" ( in french accent)

My jaw dropped and I said " oh wow you definitely dont look it - i thought you were early thirties - max 35. Whats your secret - is it french food"

She shot me a murderous glance and said "I said 28 not 38"

That was the end of that friendship.

[Fishandjam]

Several years ago now but I still curl up and whimper inside when I think of it. A bloke I used to work with was a bit of a tub. I didn't see him often as we worked in different departments. So when I saw him after a couple of months of not seeing him, and he'd massively slimmed down, I congratulated him and asked him what his secret was. "Cancer" he replied.

[Midlifecrisisarefun]

I said to a colleague after seeing pics on facebook of 2 dc..' your grandchildren are gorgeous'
She replied ' they are my dc, I just look old'
It turned out she is the same age as me, I thought she was a good 10 yrs older!
< disclaimer my dc are grown-up and I have 1dgs myself>

[OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly]

My friend said "Every cripple has his own way of walking" (i.e. everyone has their own way of doing things) to a man with one leg. Which he knew at the time but he said his mouth just kept going while his brain screamed "Stop!!!"

[Noodled]

oh pixwix i love it.

i used to dog walk in a local park and often had a chat with an older guy with an older dog. didnt see them for a while and presumed old dog had died, bumped into his wife and offered dog condolences. the dog had died but after his owner who i hadnt mentioned and the conversation didnt allow me to do so. i sympathised with the death of the dog but not the dh. wrong...

[Helpyourself]

pix that's fantastic! You just kept digging!

[bessie26]

I asked a lady at dd2's swimming lesson when the baby was due. She had had it 3 weeks earlier

In my defence, I didn't think she was due for another few weeks, but she was (very politely & quite reasonably) pissed off with my rude question!

[pixwix]

Oh God

Not long after ds1 was born, I was still above my normal weight, and joking about it to all and sundry - to stop em taking the piss.

I made a mate who was living in dr's quarters same as me - we went shopping, hung out together, and kept each other sane - through teletubbies at 10.20 and beyond...

One day we were in a department store, (heading up to the cake department) and got in the lift with buggies etc. The lift ground to a halt between floors...

"Will the woman with the blue fleece please get out - the lift can no longer carry you..." I intoned happily (I was wearing a blue fleece)

My mates eyebrows were raised and she had a fixed expression - I gazed around - there was another woman with a blue fleece in the lift!

Just to clarify things, cos I was mortified, I pinched my nose and intoned - "I repeat - will the woman with the blue fleece with green on it - please get out of the lift...." My mates eyebrows were in the back of her head by now - I glanced across - she has green sleeves on her fleece...

Trying desperately to rescue things I blurt out "LOOK the woman with the blue fleece, the green sleeves with a yellow band wearing jeans- can you not get out of the lift - we have people waiting!

My mate was on the floor, as I looked at this poor poor woman who was wearing an identical fleece to me, and was also wearing jeans... (and who was clawing desperately at the door by now)

The lift came to a shuddering halt at its final stop - that poor woman shot out like a bat out of hell, and myself and my friend? I was so so mortified - you couldn't make it up, and we cruised up and down the lift for about 10 minutes with me wailing and her howling...

I still cringe...

[OeufsEnCocotte]

As a student I lucked out and got a job at the Council one summer, in the Land Charges office dealing with searches on properties for buyers. Lovely colleagues, including a larger lady. On about day 3, a grateful buyer sent a box of cakes into the office to say thanks to us for completing her search in super-quick time. As I was tucking in I said "ooh, I'll have to watch working here otherwise I'll get dead fa---"

It was the fact that I stopped in the middle of saying "fat" while looking directly at larger lady colleague that still makes me mortified to this day :( Oh callow youth :(

[BluelightsAndSirens]

In my first office job I answered the phone to someone who worked in the workshop calling to say he wasn't going to be in that day because there had been a bereavement.

My reply was "yeah right, I've heard some excuses in my time but the old dead relative chestnut is well old"

His mum had died in the night.

[DontEvenThinkAboutIt]

I slammed the phone down on what I thought was a nuisance caller..... I later remembered my DH's boss had a stammer
He didn't call back but DH apologised to him when he next saw him. He said I had been recieving some funny calls.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

I made the mistake of mentioning my dd's lack of party invitation to the party mother. I know what I meant (mix up, someone else had said she was invited and didn't want to have ignored an invitation) and wasn't angling for an explanation at all but mouth opened before brain engaged. I have cringed ever since and have to make a special effort to be chatty and smiley to mother in question. She must think I'm barking

[2tired2bewitty]

"Worse things happen at sea", i said cheerily to my boss.

That'll be the boss with the girlfriend in the navy

[Kiwiinkits]

A guy was chatting me up in the pub once and we had been talking for a while. He asked me for my number but I wasn't that keen. Instead of just politely declining to give it to him, I gave him a fake number. He then proceeded to enter the number into the phone and call me. Of course my phone didn't ring... I was mortified.

[Bearfrills]

We bumped into an old neighbour a few weeks ago, she used to live in the flat next door to DH and I in our early days. We had a semi-awkward how-are-you chat and 3yo DS was playing with a similarly aged little girl she had with her. Grinning, I commented "DS is really getting on well with your granddaughter!"

Stony silence.

"That's my daughter."

In my head there was this voice going 'fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck' while I inwardly cringed.

Worst part is that her new house in a few doors down from ours so I have to walk past every single day and wave and smile and say 'hello' and the whole time she will think of me as the cheeky cow who implied she was old enough to be a grandmother.