To give a homeless man a meal deal rather than the money?

[TheSeventhHorcrux]

There is a homeless man sat outside the Tesco Express with a little cup asking for money. Instead of giving him
Money I went inside and bought him a meal deal (crisps, ham sandwich and drink) and gave that to him. He was very polite and grateful about it and I thought nothing more of it until my friend then later accused me of being patronising by presenting him with food rather than te money.
When I lived in South Aftica I would often give food rather than money as in many cases the money went on drinks and drugs etc.
Am I being unreasonable to "control" the expenditure of this man (as put by friend) and not just give him money. I'm quite concerned now that he would have been offended, as my friend certainly thinks so!

[Dominodonkey]

Perhaps the answer is to give money to a homeless charity? - but that does not help the person in front of you who is hungry.

[grovel]

Funnily enough, I only ever give cash but greensleeves has condemned me without knowing that.

[tethersend]

"So if you give your money to UNICEF it's fine if they spend it on designer clothes for their managers is it?"

They might already do. They pay the managers' wages- some of the managers may wish to spend the money on designer clothes.

If I disagreed with how a charity was spending its money, I'd stop donating. I wouldn't ask for my money back or tell them what they were to spend my tenner on.

Give or don't give; that's your choice. But if you choose to give, the money is no longer yours and you cease to have a say in how it's spent.

"I hope none of you ever comment on what the government spend then. It's not your money anymore"

The way we as voters 'comment' on how a government spends its money is through the democratic process. If we disagree with how money is spent, we elect a different government. We don't start trying to pay our council tax with tarmac because we prefer having the roads flattened to funding the local library.

[Greensleeves]

I can see the point you are trying to score, yes, but it is illogical and I am not going to be browbeaten into accepting it

The inflexibility in that scenario lies with the people who are making such concrete and prejudiced value judgements about a homeless person they know nothing about that they refuse to trust them with the money rather than making a purchasing choice for them. You're happy to part with the money, but only on your terms, based on your prejudice and ignorance. Not OK.

[Greensleeves]

I don't recall condemning you personally. I did refuse to enter into a ping-pong match with you though.

[tethersend]

I only ever give Tennent's Extra as I'm worried they might spend my money on sandwiches. Or even wraps.

[AgnesBligg]

Greensleeves Sat 02-Feb-13 00:30:41
I think OP should have given him the money.

The OP was under no obligation to give money. OP saw someone outside a sandwich shop and bought him/her a sandwich.

She wasn't obligated to give him/her FUCK ALL bangs head against t'web WALL.

[Dominodonkey]

greensleeves Do you honestly think that the majority of people on the street are likely to make a useful choice with their money?
Or do you just think that they should have the right to spend it as they wish?


tether "But if you choose to give, the money is no longer yours and you cease to have a say in how it's spent" I agree to some extent but that just means that people won't give money and since you and green think that giving food is unacceptable they will get sod all. Don't see how that is a good outcome.

[grovel]

Domino, you're playing ping pong. Verboten.

[Dominodonkey]

Greensleeves -"I don't recall condemning you personally."

You said I have a 'snobbish disdain for homeless people' - I think that's pretty condemnatory.

[Greensleeves]

I didn't say she was obliged to give him anything. The thread isn't about the morality of giving nothing. It's about being happy to part with the money, but deciding to choose something worthy to buy with it, because you can't let the homeless person make their own choice. This is not a difficult concept

Yes Domino, as I have repeatedly posted I think he should be allowed to spend it as he chooses. He's an adult, not a hungry dog. If I give, I give - I'm not buying authority over that person or a stake in his choices. For a few quid.

[Greensleeves]

That post was addressed to grovel, Domino, as she had posted "greensleeves has condemned me".


Yes, your posts show a snobbish disdain for people less fortunate than yourself, and a high level of prejudice. Lets hope you and yours never fall through the net and end up on the street.

[MichelleRooJnr]

Many of the homeless people I work with are homeless because they have 'burnt their bridges' with local authority housing by accruing rent arrears.

They are staying in shelters or on 'crash pads' while making small weekly payments to allow them back into the housing pool.

They get given free/subsidised meals at the hostels and beg to help make extra money to pay their arrears.

They often tell me it's difficult when people kindly give them food instead of cash as they have eaten and actually really need the money, so they end up sometimes selling the sandwich/biscuits to add to their repayment pot.

It's not people being ungrateful, it's them leaving their dignity in the shelter while they try their hardest to make the payments that will make the council/ housing association consider them houseable again.

[Dominodonkey]

We will definitely have to agree to disagree on this one.

Without being too cheesy, surely what is good is that everyone on this thread actually gives a toss. No one said YABU the homeless should be ignored entirely.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

While we are on the subject, one of my bugbears is people giving soap, clean socks and deodorant and 'Christmas presents' to homeless people. Yes, self care items are great but give them in March or November. Give actual presents at Christmas. I see the guys opening them and I think 'this present means, you smell and I'll use Christmas to tell you that'. A chocolate orange, a book voucher, a nice piece of clothing.

[tethersend]

If people who would otherwise have given food give nothing, it is not our views which have denied the homeless person a meal- it's them.

Give or don't give.

But give.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Give or don't give.

But give.

I'm stealing that for a shelter campaign if anyone ever gives me the money to start one of my own!

[OliviaMumsnet]

ahem
Peace and love

[Mosman]

I bought one guy a bottle of whiskey and 20 fags at Christmas figured he'd be Mr popular with his friends if nothing else.

[SoggySummer]

Perhaps he wanted a sandwich - being he was sat outside of a sandwich shop.

Perhaps if he had been sat outside of Bargain Booze someone may have bought him a bottle.

Perhaps because he had a sandwich and some crisps today he can spend more of the money he has collected on whatever else takes his fancy.

He could have refused it. No one forced him to take it.

I think its stupid to say that unless you can turn these peoples lives around with counselling, a permanent address, bed, a job etc etc then its pointless giving at all.

[NoMoreMarbles]

Thing is... I'm a believer in giving what I can when I can and if I can give a meal to a person who is going hungry then I will try my best to. I don't give money as I feel that i would be contributing to supporting habits that have been a likely major influence on the life choices that brought them into a homeless life.

I gauge what I give on what I would appreciate receiving if I were to be in their shoes...now my wants would be likely to change quite a bit if I was actually homeless but I can only guess how I would feel as I have never been in that position.

I don't see that as smug as it is only too easy for one choice to cascade into a huge number of bad choices ending in tragic circumstances and that can certainly happen to any one of us. IMO it is smug to sit and berate another persons kindness simply because the kind deed is not as politically correct, or doesn't consider the wealth of human rights of the individual, or whatever the reason...a kind deed can be pure and simply kindness offered to others in need regardless of what the gift is...

[Greensleeves]

Nobody did say that SoggySummer

The point you misunderstood there was that unless you are offering all of the tools needed to lift the person out of poverty, you shouldn't be judging what they spend their money on, and you shouldn't be making assumptions based on prejudice. If you're happy to part with £3, give the person £3 and let him exercise control over what he uses it for. Not "give nothing".

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Mosman I bet you were Ms Popular.

[LittleChimneyDroppings]

Jeez, op what you did was fine. You didn't actually have to give him anything, you chose to give him a meal, he accepted it. It's fine. Contrary to popular belief, you didn't need to go and give him a menu and ask him to choose from it, nor did you have to give him money if you preferred to give him some food instead. End of.

[Greensleeves]

LOL at "end of"

That's not really how it works I'm afraid.