To give a homeless man a meal deal rather than the money?

[TheSeventhHorcrux]

There is a homeless man sat outside the Tesco Express with a little cup asking for money. Instead of giving him
Money I went inside and bought him a meal deal (crisps, ham sandwich and drink) and gave that to him. He was very polite and grateful about it and I thought nothing more of it until my friend then later accused me of being patronising by presenting him with food rather than te money.
When I lived in South Aftica I would often give food rather than money as in many cases the money went on drinks and drugs etc.
Am I being unreasonable to "control" the expenditure of this man (as put by friend) and not just give him money. I'm quite concerned now that he would have been offended, as my friend certainly thinks so!

[flow4]

MrsTP - "I'd rather give them cash than have them have to do things that are worse." < This is a good point...

[anonymosity]

YANBU your friend is.

[Greensleeves]

It is a good point. I made it myself earlier in the thread

Agnes, I sometimes spend money on booze. Should I have a well-meaning benefactor come and do my shopping for me? Or do we buy the right to control someone's choices when we commit a small sum of money to them?

[Dominodonkey]

"Agnes, I sometimes spend money on booze." And did you beg for that money on the street? If not and you earnt it then it is completely different.

[NoMoreMarbles]

Couldn't agree more DominoDonkey

[Greensleeves]

Why is it different? Do you think you are buying the right of authority over somebody when you give them a few measly quid?

Horrible attitude.

[flow4]

I missed it then Green, sorry - it's a fast-moving thread!

[Dominodonkey]

No I don't Greensleeves - that is why i won't give it.

Am happy to give to a charity though.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I think since he was outside the shop, I might have asked. Like, "I've got a couple of quid, do you want the cash or a sarnie, since I'm going in anyway". Realistically, I have only given food recently when I've have a spare sandwich on me (2 for 1 or whatever). I am assuming I would know him or know of him (if it was around here) so I would know if he was going to get dangerously messed up. Then it would be food. Incidentally, often sweet food is good. Great for opiate addicts.

[flow4]

Green - "do we buy the right to control someone's choices when we commit a small sum of money to them?" < I think I see the drugs/alcohol themselves as "controlling the person's choices", rather than someone who buys a sandwich.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

This is a good article about addiction and how people perceive addicts. Very interesting.

[NoMoreMarbles]

X posted there...TBH I think the homeless person earns every penny they manage to collect...

[Greensleeves]

But how do you KNOW that flow? You don't know the person is alcoholic or drug-dependent. You don't know anything about him, except the fact that he hasn't got any money.

Thanks MrsTP, that's food for thought x

[littleducks]

I bought a sandwich for a homeless man recently.

He was outside Pret (central london). I asked if he wanted anything, he said he'd just had a drink. I said what about food and he said he wanted a particular type of hot sandwich but they were expensive and was I sure.

I ordered him the sandwich, the staff seemed pretty used to taking him out coffees etc. I told him I had ordered it and to chase them if they didnt bring it out. I then said 'have a nice day' and felt like a complete prat and that I had probably hadnt achieved anything nice at all.

I would have bought him anything he wanted in the shop and gave him free choice. I dont like to give money to end up spent on drugs or alcohol, I buy neither myself. I hope I wasnt being controlling, I was trying to be nice.

[flow4]

No, you're quite right I don't Green, and nor would I assume... But since 70%+ of people begging do have substance misuse problems, it's a 'balance of probabilities' thing... It doesn't seem wrong to me to give food - it seems like a reasonable thing to do if you want to do something, you don't know the individual, and you don't want to risk contributing to a problem...

[AgnesBligg]

Greensleeves, anyone who wants booze finds the means to obtain it (myself included).

The OP bought lunch. That was a nice thing to do. (He/she, person outside tesco will get some booze somehow regardless of OP's actions.)

[tethersend]

"If they are begging they are making themselves a charity case, I work very hard for all my money and the thought that it would be spent on drugs or alcohol is abhorrent to me. So for me (and many others) it is food or nothing."

Don't worry, Domino- once you give money to someone else, it ceases to be your money. So, as long as you don't visit the offy or the crack house on the way back from the office, there is no chance at all that your money will be spent on booze or drugs, regardless of who you have given it to. hey presto! Problem solved.

[Greensleeves]

well said tethersend

I think: at least Domino is being fairly straightforward about her snobbish disdain for homeless people

That is marginally better than the hand-wringing Princess Diana types with their benevolence and smugness. Which masks exactly the same principle.

[Signet2012]

I always give change of a few pounds. Ok not bothered if they spend it on drink really. I would only waste it on chocolate so I see no difference in them wasting it on drink.

[brighthair]

I would have done the same. The only exception was when I saw a homeless man aged about 70 going through the bins for food
I (naively or not) bought him food and gave him £20 which he didn't know where to put so he tucked it in his shoe

[Sariah]

I invited friends over for dinner last week. I served them a meal. I did not ask them what they wanted I did not offer them money in case they wanted something else instead. There is no right or wrong just personal preference. If I want to give a homeless person a book, a sandwich, or a couple of quid then I offer and they accept or decline. Most homeless people to get into that situation must have some issues with self care and looking after their physical needs. If you have a drink or drug addiction then you will choose the addiction over food. If someone hands you food then you are more likely to eat it and that is a good thing. I give my teenage children voucher for xmas cause if I gave them cash they would spend it on drink and I want them to buy clothes. I am not treating them as subhuman but I dont want them drinking my hard earned cash. If my husband cooks dinner I eat it. I go to a friends house and they offer me food I eat it. I never feel demeaned by the offer of food. I like to feed people and be fed. So therefore I can see what is wrong with offering someone who is struggling to look after their own basic needs the most basic of things, food.

[Greensleeves]

I think OP should have given him the money rather than spend it and give him the result. Or if shopping by card, ask him what he would like from the shop

Or... I am a monster who likes watching people starve to death on the streets.

[Dominodonkey]

greensleeves but you said the OP should not have given him food and that no-one else should give food. Since many people will not give money for the reasons stated above (which we are perfectly entitled to) you in effect want to deny the man food. Can you not see that?