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AIBU?

To ask son to shower every night?

93 replies

mrsgregorypeck · 27/01/2013 10:11

I ask my son (11) to have a shower every night before a school day. This leads to lots of huffing and puffing and occasional temper tantrums.

To be fair, I remember my brothers at that age were required to have a bath every Sunday and only "a good wash" at the sink in between.

Have our perceptions changed of what constitutes acceptable levels of cleanliness or am I just being unreasonable?

OP posts:

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OneMoreChap · 28/01/2013 11:40

s /the/then

QOD · 28/01/2013 11:50

My dd is a minger

Now we have a new shower cubicle we can get her in there 3 times a week. She doesn't smell but she looks grimey ... Very odd as we bath/shower daily and always have.

She also won't brush her hair without a row .. That's another whole thread!

socharlotte · 28/01/2013 11:53

I am guessing you could wash properly at a sink, if you were diligent and thorough enough- but I have too teenaged boys and I doubt this would be the case!!

sallievp · 28/01/2013 12:01

YANBU...IMO a quick shower takes the same time as a 'strip wash'. 5 mins??Good to get into clean habits early.

OneMoreChap · 28/01/2013 12:02

I went to a boarding school where you had baths twice a week. Showers after sports and proper washes at a sink every night.

Boys were told how to ensure pits etc. were washed, and how to clean teeth properly (and later to shave)

seeker · 28/01/2013 12:11

I have never understood how you can wash at the sink without flooding the bathroom. I am absolutely certain my 11 year old couldn't. And why on earth have a quick shower? Surely it would be less messy, more effective and probably quicker?

seeker · 28/01/2013 12:12

Why on earth not have a quick shower, that should read.

JacqueslePeacock · 28/01/2013 12:18

My DS is still at the nightly bath before bed "bedtime routine" age. When do they grow out of that and into having to be cajoled into morning/evening showers?

slhilly · 28/01/2013 12:34

Hmm. This sounds like a bit of a pointless confrontation, to be honest. Focused a bit too much on the process vs the outcomes, if you will. I presume you don't want him to smell or be dirty, and that's why you want him to shower nightly. How about trying to agree with him that smelling and being dirty is a bad thing, in terms that he will relate to (your mates will take the mickey etc). And then agreeing what it will take to not smell / be dirty, and committing to that. At 11, I really doubt he'd stink that badly if he didn't have a shower every single night.

I also think you might consider listening to him a bit while he tells you why he doesn't want to shower so often. I'd push him to go beyond the fairness point, which is a red herring. I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks that it's a waste of his time to shower every day because he doesn't smell enough to warrant it. And to be frank, he may not smell that badly yet.

Helltotheno · 28/01/2013 13:51

if he thinks that it's a waste of his time to shower every day because he doesn't smell enough to warrant it

Yes but that's the whole point: people don't realise they smell cos they can't smell themselves. Case in point is the cold section of my local supermarket where I have to mouth breathe on a regular basis ... If I walked up to any of those people and told them they smelled minging, that would probably come as a surprise to most of them!

Which is why it's the duty of adults to teach kids how to stay clean and YANBU at all OP. I'd like my DS to shower every day ideally but at the moment, we're (grudgingly) every second day. I find that mainly, I can smell his hair and me no like, sorry. No excuse for unpleasant body smells...

valiumredhead · 28/01/2013 13:52

At 11, I really doubt he'd stink that badly if he didn't have a shower every single night

I take it you have never been in a class of thirty eleven year olds then?

sweetestB · 28/01/2013 13:53

What I don't understand is: can you wash your intimate bits on a sink? Don't these parts need attention every day?

valiumredhead · 28/01/2013 13:59

sweet back in the 80's, so not that long ago, council houses were not required to have an inside loo/bathroom. My grandparents washed at the kitchen sink and never smelled at all, in fact my grandmother was one of the most glamourous women I have ever known. Plenty of people had to do the same and managed perfectly well. If you really can't imagine having a wash at a sink then I think it shows just how 'spoilt' we have become wrt what we find acceptable and not. I have lovely memories of the smell of Imperial Leather soap and dashing outside to the loo for wee.

How do you think people in hospital/bed rest manage to keep clean? They use a bowl of water, soap and a flannel - it's not hard it's just easier and quicker to jump in the shower.

Sallystyle · 28/01/2013 14:06

My 11 year old hates getting wet, we get tantrums and all sorts. They think he may be on the autism spectrum so it could be a part of it.

He is my smelly one though. His feet smell every day and he sweats really quickly. He has a bath once a week and a shower once a week and then I make him wash his armpits, feet and bits every morning. That was our compromise. That way he keeps smelling fresh but doesn't have to get his whole body wet every day.

I am constantly sniffing him so I know a good wash every morning is keeping him fresh for school and bed.

My 13 year old doesn't sweat at all.

DottyDot · 28/01/2013 14:11

we've got ds's (11 and nearly 9) to every other morning - which has been a huge battle from twice a week....

The 11 year old isn't smelly yet but has very greasy hair if it's not washed. The 8 year old is sadly quite smelly on the days he doesn't shower, so we've got him to agree to go up to daily showers from when he's the grand old age of 9 (in April - roll on!).

I'm trying to persuade both of them that this is all a good thing - that it's their hormones kicking in and they're growing up into men... Sigh.

valiumredhead · 28/01/2013 14:14

dotty why do they have to agree to showering? Surely at 8 and 11 you tell them to shower and that is that?

sweetestB · 28/01/2013 14:30

valiumred I am not sure if your post answer my question? I'm not criticizing, just trying to understand really, since I'm from a very hot part of the world and having a standard shower daily is pretty much the norm, whilst most people have 2 showers daily. Plus we wear and wash clothes daily too for obvious reasons.
I'm not comparing cultures, I know that obviously in a cold country people tend to sweat less and there is the heating issues, but the concept of having a wash in the sink is new for me and I genuinely ask:
Do people wash their vagina, penis and anus on a sink, and if they don't, how often do they think it needed to be properly cleansed with water and soap?
I feel very yuck if I don't shower everyday and I do want my daughter to have the same habit, and I'm not judging anyone who thinks differently, I'm just curious.

aldiwhore · 28/01/2013 14:35

I've advised my 9 year old to start showering each morning, we've talked about sweat, he's sniffed his armpits aplenty.

He does it without being ordered to, if I DID order him it would create a battle I don't think is necessary. Maybe I'm lucky.

Helltotheno · 28/01/2013 14:46

It's very difficult to wash nether regions at a sink... a lot of spilled water and a lot of washing of ... eh.. whatever you're using to do the cleaning. With showers available, I find it hard to believe that people would choose slopping about at a sink (unless thru necessity, I accept that) to luxuriating in a lovely hot shower.

I also heart bidets because they're what you're supposed to use to wash nether regions, not sinks (just ask the French, Germans, Spanish etc :) )

Showers are a rule in our house, not a choice!!

mrsgregorypeck · 28/01/2013 14:49

All these replies have been very interesting. DS hasn't yet hit puberty so isn't completely honking if he doesn't have a daily shower. He still smells stale and horrible, though.

We have had a lot of rows over the fact that after he is told to have a shower he comes down in pyjamas with wet hair. I then discover that his shower cabinet is completely dry. So infuriating when in other ways he is such a good boy who is keen to please.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 28/01/2013 14:52

sweet yes, you wash yourself thoroughly using soap/wash cloth and water while standing at a sink.

It really isn't that hard to keep water in a sink while having a wash - my dh manages to have a shave every day at the sink without slopping water everywhere.

seeker · 28/01/2013 14:57

But why would you wash at the sink if there's a shower available? I understand that in the days of limited hot water people did this, but why now?

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Nagoo · 28/01/2013 14:57

My sister used to try to trick my parents with the wet hair thing. It's not just boys.

TBh I need a shower right now, and I simply CBA. I'm not particularly stinky but my hair does need a wash. No one is telling me to go. I will have one before bed. If someone made me shower right now, and I was a petulant child, I might try and get one over on them as well.

valiumredhead · 28/01/2013 14:59

My ds has been known to run the shower and stand definitely by it to make me think he is in there - cheeky sod

valiumredhead · 28/01/2013 15:00

I don't know seeker is anyone saying that they prefer washes?

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