To think fuck right off?!

[Aspiemum2]

So yet again ds1 comes home with homework and instructions to sit down and do it with an adult. It's a decent amount, about an hours worth.
He's 12

I am up to my eyeballs with other stuff to do and pig sick of this from schools. When I was at school we were always told that they wanted our own work and not to get help so they could see what we'd taken in.

I'm quite sure this has come up on MN before but I wanted a rant so

Aibu to think I've been to school, done plenty of homework in my time. I do not appreciate being told to do more when I left 20 odd years ago!!

I have to admit, all your points have given me food for thought. I think my team set clear tasks that encourage parental involvement yet discourage doing it for them, perhaps we don't. Perhaps there are parents who suffer in silence and don't tell us for fear of looking inadequate, which is far from the case.

I would suggest speaking to your school. They only want what's best for their students too. If this isn't working for you, they should know.

I will still stand by involving parents in homework, but will look at how it's set.

Off to my marking now! :)

I have real reservations about homework which requires parental help, because I think it just further serves to widen the gap between children who have interested parents and those who don't.

DS1 is only in Reception, so at the moment we have reading daily, plus a discussion topic over the weekend that we document, and then also about 5-10 minutes of French homework (this is an optional subject and our choice).

Surely the point of secondary is that the children need to learn to work alone though?
My parents were always massively helpful and supportive, they would talk things through with us - but the actual work came from us and they would never ever provide us with an answer or do any work for us because they felt it would give an incorrect picture to the teacher of what we were capable of.

We were very lucky though, because my parents were both bright, educated and interested. Not all children have that advantage, and the 'lucky' ones coming in with beautifully completed homework all the time does nothing but make those less advantaged children feel even worse - largely because they probably have no idea just how much parental input is going on for other children, and they therefore feel inferior.

And homework should be marked, IMO. Nothing more demoralising than spending hours and hours on a massive project for it never to be marked or any feedback come.

yanbu. i hated school the first time round so get really pissed off when dd (although fortunately not often, yet) needs me to do homework with her. whilst some parents love this type of involvement not all of us do. i am self employed/work from home and struggle to find time to do everything as it is. if i had wanted to be a teacher i would have trained as one.

I wouldn't like to take work home with me every night, unless I chose to or had a profession where that was part of it.

All work and no play makes Jack (or Julie) a dull person.

To foist this on kids is just plain wrong in my opinion and causes more harm than good.

From the pov of an academic parent, the time spent on dc's homework hasn't been bonding time: it has been time taken from the real bonding we could have done over areas of learning where I could offer something special and where we really could bond.

For a non academic parent, I imagine it could be hell on earth. And again detracts attention from the very useful learning children can do from non-academic parents: DIY, cooking, budgetting, knitting, sewing, all sorts of practical skills.

It fosters the idea that parents cannot contribute with any useful ideas of their own as to what to teach their children.

Fortunately, we are no longer expected to do this in secondary: ds gets detention when he hasn't done his homework because it is regarded as his responsibility not mine. I am happy that there is somewhere in his world that supports the idea that he has responsibilities and is supposed to keep track of them: ds has never believed my word on the subject.

DD is in year 8 now, and does most of her homework alone, although I check what she's doing regularly and we chat about it. She has gone through her maths with me because one teacher seems a bit useless (even the other maths teacher she has, has made comments apparently).

So we chat about the work, if there's time or DP can help out too. But I don't have the time to sit down with her for the entire time she's doing that homework, it's more a case of supervising. But we have the chats, which can often lead on to other subjects not covered at school and can get interesting.

DS is year 4, gets spellings and reading, and also has to fill in two pages of a learning log once a month. They get two weeks to do this log, and a subject is set and the children can do anything on that theme, eg write, draw, storyboards, CDs, articles, etc. Latest theme is "let it snow" and DS has heard there's a song with this title so has decided, all on his own, that he's going to find out and write about the song.

It isn't just the homework.

It is the "half term project" in every single subject, every single half term, that means we cannot have a decent family break/day out/evening out during the half term "break". We all work so hard in this house we are absolutely desperate for a rest when we get the chance.

In fact we have been instructed by the school that we should not book a family holiday during GCSE year.

I have had 15 years of this.

Does anyone have any recommendations for a book I can use to help my yr 8 with his maths.
The methods have changed since I was a school.

My problem is my DS says he really doesn't know how to do his HW. I will go through it with him and explain with the help of google. But I can see he still doesn't get it.
I'm thinking of going in to see the teacher as this has been going on a while.

Yours is a prime example ihate of this ridiculous homework stuff unless swatting for an exam. Don't sweat it and tell your DS to ask his teacher. If it's being used in the context of gaining what the child has understood then it's the teachers responsibility to try another method etc. to help your child.

Math has changed, even the way we used to work it out just tends to confuse the child even more.

Don't feel at all bad about it.

Exactly this!

I get so stressed at 'doing' the bloody homework with them. I don't KNOW if I'm tecahing them correctly.

Massive cause of stress in our house

I will do reading, I will do writing practice, I will do quizzes and wordsearches and all manner of things like that.

But the TEACHING should be done at school.

But but
even if it's not marked, if you've done it together and discussed things and learned things and shared knowledge, isn't that valuable in and of itself?

Of course hully my 14 year old loves nothing better than teaching me how to do complex algebra or some other such subject that I was am crap at the first time round!

We have fab discussions about all sorts of things and yes I love it now they are older. But that doesn't mean they should be doing hours of it every night and putting in massive amounts of effort only to find its not marked.

And if its not marked how does the teacher track their progress? I thought homework was something they do in order to consolidate the learning they had done in class. If I have had to explain it to them then the teacher needs to know if they have "got it" or not don't they?

For the record I had the choice of going the huge academic route for my DS or the option of a school which was thought of as being below par at the time where the policy was no homework unless necessary (there was a period however where they were practically dictated to by the goverment to dish out pages of the stuff until most parents complained) My DS has thrived and is getting GCSE B's and A's already at the age of 15.

I asked him the other day why he thought this was the case and he said "In our school we are given the choice and treated like humans not fodder, the teachers tell us our destiny is in our hands".

My DS is Y7, and I'll provide the tools, the space and the time (by banning him from the X-box until it is done). But he won't let me actually help, ever since the time when I got carried away on a craft project.

I think for primary age children the homework should have a little slip at the bottom indicating how long they spent on it, (elapsed time, not actual working time), how much they enjoyed it and how much time the parents spent on it. (and how much nagging was required to get them started). Not to catch parents out for helping, but so the teachers can get a truer idea of what is going on, and how much suppport the DCs are needing.

For secondary school, the DCs should fill in little forms themselves for the same type of thing. Obviously they'd lie sometimes, but they "would only be fooling themselves" as teachers are so fond of saying.

From someone who has just sat for what seemed like hours doing homework with DD, YADNBU!

Nice

Well you are all very odd.

And of course any homework that is of no interest to one, or way beyond one's ability (maths chemistry physics) is simply ignored or forced onto dh

What Cacks said. As a parent you're not being expected to do the homework, just help with it. The parents I meet who don't have anything to do with homework tend to be the ones that aren't that arsed about a lot of things to do with their child's education.

YANBU. Sorry if this offends but you mentioned AS - is he in a mainstream school or a special one? Does he have SEN that make him need support with homework? I find this really odd for "normal" secondary - I don't remember ever getting any prep that relied on parental input but then I am incredibly ancient

I'm a teacher and I have never set work that involves parents - I wouldn't consider it fair or helpful. A number of my students live in complicated step family arrangements and/or have parents working long hours in the City. It wouldn't exactly support the students' independent learning. Mind you I teach sixth form, but I also don't see the point of year 7 history projects where the impressive castle or whatever has clearly been made by daddy. I want to know what my students know/can do, not their parents!

The main thing that angered me really is the way I was 'told' to do it, my first reaction was as per the title of the thread!

I think there have been some valid points made but here's my thoughts on those I can remember (on phone so can't scroll to remind myself)

With regards to bonding over homework, no not really. I don't feel I need the schools help to bond with my children for a start. Add to that the fact that we do things together that we choose to do, science experiments, bug trails, looking through the telescope etc. All are educational but play to my particular strengths and therefore I enjoy it more and so do they. Even when we are just chatting we often go off on a tangent so we have great conversations about all sorts of things.

Parental involvement - I am in constant contact with the school anyway. I also home educated for a year whilst fighting for proper support for my ds so I am already heavily involved in their school life.

With regards to picking up early signs that they are struggling. Well I think that's bollocks tbh. If they did the homework themselves this would be easier to spot as the teacher would mark it and think 'this kids really not getting this' whereas parental involvement might mean that the child is receiving a good few hours of help on top of class time so isn't a true reflection on whether the subject is being taught effectively iyswim.

If it's that they are expecting the parent to suggest their child is struggling - how do they expect us to know? I'm not being daft but I've had several chats with my dc's teachers expressing my concerns over one thing or another only to be told they are actually ahead of the rest of the class so obviously I've actually no idea of what level they should be at according to the guidelines set.

I do take an interest in homework but prefer it to play out like this:

Child does homework
Proudly presents it to me to have a look
I say either "wow that's great work, well done" and we have a little chat about it or
"That's good but I think you could do better, why don't you have another go". Then when it inevitably comes back better they get lots of praise which they love.

That works perfectly well on normal homework nights so why can't it just be like that????

Holla - he's at a mainstream school. Dd is also at a mainstream one, different school but same council.

Oh sorry, it was a 2 part question. No he most definitely does not need any academic help bloody genius - think Sheldon from the Big Bang theory - I live with the 12 yr old version and he knows it

It is abysmal for schools and I can only imagine inexperienced teachers to set homework for parents

Particularly at secondary level

I am appalled that teachers can say this is appropriate

It is not

Our jobs as parents is to support and help children achieve not do projects with them dictated by naive teachers

My qualifications are complete, do not set me homework.

Makes me angry