To think fuck right off?!

[Aspiemum2]

So yet again ds1 comes home with homework and instructions to sit down and do it with an adult. It's a decent amount, about an hours worth.
He's 12

I am up to my eyeballs with other stuff to do and pig sick of this from schools. When I was at school we were always told that they wanted our own work and not to get help so they could see what we'd taken in.

I'm quite sure this has come up on MN before but I wanted a rant so

Aibu to think I've been to school, done plenty of homework in my time. I do not appreciate being told to do more when I left 20 odd years ago!!

[bigkidsdidit]

I agree with Alibaba

My parents were like Hully and it was wonderful. Lots o discussions over gin (I had a gin from age 14-15 ) and given books to read, discussion taken past what I was doing at school.

Both my parents were lecturers and now I am. I hope to be like this with DS.

HOWEVER, this does further entrench the privilege of having academic parents. It is such a massive advantage already - parents like us will do this anyway. Why set homework that depends on it?

[extracrunchy]

I'm with you Cacks

[Cacks81]

Trust me, my skin is thick. You should see the class I just took. It's not that I've taken this personally at all, but I wanted to move away as it was turning into a teacher bashing from some. I get enough if that in my own life and don't need it here, when I thought I might have helped.

There is no denying that the language some have used on here is aggressive.

And I have taken everything on board for my own department, most certainly.

But I found myself getting quite worked up, which can't be a good thing, so I wanted to step away. Perhaps I'm being too sensitive and taking what some have said too personally.

Just surprised me.

Anyway, my issue, clearly.

All the best.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Cacks surely you have a thicker skin that than? How else do you manage with your Y11s!

No-one has had a go at your personally, but I can understand that you'd be upset to discover that your thinking is so at odds with the majority of people on this thread.

I wouldn't say that people have been aggressive, firm in their opinions, yes. Which people should be in relation to their own children tbh.

People have really busy lives, and trying to find an hour every evening to sit with your DC and do homework is beyond most people on a regular basis.
Parents work, have long commutes, have other children to look after and possibly other caring commitments to family members. By the time you take all that into account, plus any after school activities and weekend commitments - there isn't always time.

Plus - and this is a real bugbear of mine - there does seem to be an assumption from a lot of schools that parents do nothing of value with their kids unless directed by school.
I will be really resisting huge half-term projects when mine are older, because those are times to rest and recharge, read books that aren't directed by school, visit family, go on holiday or for days out, and spend 3 days building a Lego project in your bedroom with your siblings. All of which are valid learning experiences.

[extracrunchy]

I would want to help. I've got loads to do too, but supporting my child's education is very important to me.

[Hullygully]

Hey Deep Red Betty!

[DeepRedBetty]

Hello Cacks

I've enjoyed reading this thread this morning and found a lot of useful input, not least from you. If you're new-ish to MN you may not yet realise that anything in Am I Being Unreasonable is liable to get the odd frankly demented ranty post. Ignore them, don't take it personally

[Hullygully]

Yes, come on Cacks! Blimey! That's nothing...

Also, as the lovely Pinot says, it's not personal, parents have The Rage about a lot of stuff to do with school.

Totes agree about those mad projects, except in our case dh loves making stuff so he and the dc used to have a lovely time making extraordinary models. The first time the dc took one in was hilarious, a singing dancing lighting up Project MrHully and no pretence of owt else.

Absolutely pointless other than that MrHully enjoyed himself.

[DreamsTurnToGoldDust]

Cacks, sorry but I really don't think there has been a barrage of abuse here at all, and I am very supportive of my dcs schools and teachers. I'm just anti homework, not anti teacher, there is a difference.

[Pinot]

Cacks you need to toughen up. If parents are fed up, they're going to say so - it's not directed at you, so why take it so personally?

I hope you feed this information back to your school and it gives food for thought.

My DS2 has today taken in "his" project of making a castle. A FUCKING CASTLE. He is y7 and not in the least artistic. Assessed for ADD in fact - so DH made the castle and I finished it off. Total time = over 4 hours. With DS sitting with us getting distracted and whinging.

Why on earth would anyone think that task is either appropriate or will enhance his learning???

But we HAD to do it as otherwise he'll stick out like a sore thumb. It's not enough to say "Well don't do it" as then you're making an example of your child.

And yes, I have said all this to School. Well actually, I said it last year as well, when DS1 had the same fucking project.

No one listens. Teachers do not listen.

[Aspiemum2]

Hey cacks, I appreciated your input as it gave me a different perspective on it. I'm sorry if my tone was more abrupt than I thought, no offence was intended though - I was just ranting

[Cacks81]

I am new to MN and quickly learning that involving myself in threads is not a good idea. I am all for different opinions, and as I've said before, your opinions have given me, an experienced and certainly not naive teacher and head of department, food for thought.

However, the aggressive tone and responses are not what I expected.

I love my job, wouldn't do anything else, but it's hard. No teacher wants anything than to do the best by their students. This barrage of abuse on here simply reminds me of the constant negative view of education from the press, the government and parents. My day is stressful enough, so I won't be involving myself in these discussions again.

This is not because of your different views. I welcome those.

This is because of the level of negativity and perceived aggressiveness.

If you feel so strongly, do something about it for you DC. I thought an opinion might help people see it from the other side.

Good luck with it all.

[TheArbiter]

Exactly how is this enforceable?

Should DD ever have homework of this kind, I'll make myself available for help/checking work, but if she doesn't need my help she has every right to work independently.

[Aspiemum2]

No you don't, really. If there's one thing I hate more than him correcting me it's the self satisfied smug look he gets when I realise he's right.
He's gorgeous and funny but a bit too clever sometimes, still what he has in brains he utterly lacks in tact and social skills!

[HollaAtMeBaby]

Aw, I wish I had a mini-Sheldon in my house :) in that case you are definitely not being unreasonable about the homework!

[BoundandRebound]

It is abysmal for schools and I can only imagine inexperienced teachers to set homework for parents

Particularly at secondary level

I am appalled that teachers can say this is appropriate

It is not

Our jobs as parents is to support and help children achieve not do projects with them dictated by naive teachers

My qualifications are complete, do not set me homework.


Makes me angry

[Aspiemum2]

Oh sorry, it was a 2 part question. No he most definitely does not need any academic help bloody genius - think Sheldon from the Big Bang theory - I live with the 12 yr old version and he knows it

[Aspiemum2]

Holla - he's at a mainstream school. Dd is also at a mainstream one, different school but same council.

[Aspiemum2]

The main thing that angered me really is the way I was 'told' to do it, my first reaction was as per the title of the thread!

I think there have been some valid points made but here's my thoughts on those I can remember (on phone so can't scroll to remind myself)

With regards to bonding over homework, no not really. I don't feel I need the schools help to bond with my children for a start. Add to that the fact that we do things together that we choose to do, science experiments, bug trails, looking through the telescope etc. All are educational but play to my particular strengths and therefore I enjoy it more and so do they. Even when we are just chatting we often go off on a tangent so we have great conversations about all sorts of things.

Parental involvement - I am in constant contact with the school anyway. I also home educated for a year whilst fighting for proper support for my ds so I am already heavily involved in their school life.

With regards to picking up early signs that they are struggling. Well I think that's bollocks tbh. If they did the homework themselves this would be easier to spot as the teacher would mark it and think 'this kids really not getting this' whereas parental involvement might mean that the child is receiving a good few hours of help on top of class time so isn't a true reflection on whether the subject is being taught effectively iyswim.

If it's that they are expecting the parent to suggest their child is struggling - how do they expect us to know? I'm not being daft but I've had several chats with my dc's teachers expressing my concerns over one thing or another only to be told they are actually ahead of the rest of the class so obviously I've actually no idea of what level they should be at according to the guidelines set.

I do take an interest in homework but prefer it to play out like this:

Child does homework
Proudly presents it to me to have a look
I say either "wow that's great work, well done" and we have a little chat about it or
"That's good but I think you could do better, why don't you have another go". Then when it inevitably comes back better they get lots of praise which they love.

That works perfectly well on normal homework nights so why can't it just be like that????

[Phineyj]

I'm a teacher and I have never set work that involves parents - I wouldn't consider it fair or helpful. A number of my students live in complicated step family arrangements and/or have parents working long hours in the City. It wouldn't exactly support the students' independent learning. Mind you I teach sixth form, but I also don't see the point of year 7 history projects where the impressive castle or whatever has clearly been made by daddy. I want to know what my students know/can do, not their parents!

[HollaAtMeBaby]

YANBU. Sorry if this offends but you mentioned AS - is he in a mainstream school or a special one? Does he have SEN that make him need support with homework? I find this really odd for "normal" secondary - I don't remember ever getting any prep that relied on parental input but then I am incredibly ancient

[Mosschopz]

What Cacks said. As a parent you're not being expected to do the homework, just help with it. The parents I meet who don't have anything to do with homework tend to be the ones that aren't that arsed about a lot of things to do with their child's education.

[Hullygully]

Well you are all very odd.

And of course any homework that is of no interest to one, or way beyond one's ability (maths chemistry physics) is simply ignored or forced onto dh

[Cacks81]

Nice