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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to throw something at DP's DB

179 replies

GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 02:28

My DP's DB has some unfortunate incidents Hmm resulting in him now living back at home (with my DP and their Mum). He sleeps in the room directly next to where my DP and I sleep (I stay over quite a lot). It is currently about 2AM and he (DB) has returned from wherever he has been (I assume the pub) with a girl who he has been (ahem) seeing. I don't mind this, he is entitled to do what he liked with whoever he likes.

However, he had (clearly) woken me up as well as my DP as his understanding of the words 'quiet' and 'whisper' are nonexistent. The girl he's with is worse, her voice is just so loud and (I hate to say it) really chavy. They have put a film on though they are chatting over it.

The thing I hate most us that there's no consideration for. Anyone else in the house (bungalow so all rooms b close). My DP has work in the morning (chef- split shift tomorrow) and I can tell that he is not asleep.

AIBU to want to go and thump the (ahem) twonk and tell him to shut the hell up because he is keeping everyone up! He wakes me and DP up all the time, once before with this girl and many other times just by him and his loud mouth! This is excluding many other very selfish, disgusting and rude things that he has dome/does. It's not fair on my DP and I want to just through something at him!!

Sorry, I know this is long and probably seems pathetic, but it's really affecting my DP Sad

OP posts:
FutTheShuckUp · 20/01/2013 13:03

How many girlfriends he or his brother have had is by the by isnt it really? IT IS NOT YOUR HOUSE in anyway shape of form- why are you not grasping this? It is however his mums, brothers and his!

Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:04

I was thinking the same - fluffy.
I have seen similar threads with married OPs and the DB in those situations got flamed :(

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 20/01/2013 13:06

No, not a motorway of promiscuity (is that what you called it?!) but hardly a family member, is it?!

I don't think it would make a blind bit of difference in they were married or not! It still wouldn't be her house or her place to be moaning!

OP seems to think she's 'more important' than the brother's girlfriend. But she's not. She's a girlfriend, just like the 'chavvy' one!

Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:07

I understand that it's not my house. That is obvious, I am not stupid Fut.
I don't see how this means that a member of the household can wake up other members of his household (plus me) and this is ok?
If I am a guest in someone elses house, I don't expect to be subjected to, for example, abusive language or rudeness, though I don't live there. It's just manners.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:08

The other girl is not a 'girlfriend' though I don't think it matters if she is or not. I don't think I'm more important than her, I just think that if I can make an effort to be quiet, so can they.
And the 'motorway of promescuity' is not a phrase I use in general conversation obviously, I just thought it explained the point nicely.

OP posts:
InNeatCognac · 20/01/2013 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:10

What I mean to say is, when DP and I have sex, we respect that his DB doesn't necessarily want to hear everything and might want to sleep. Therefore we keep the noise to a minimum.
Why can't he, when having sex with his 'girlfriend', have the same curtesy? That is my question.

OP posts:
InNeatCognac · 20/01/2013 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConfusedPixie · 20/01/2013 13:12

going: Why is it not feasible? Could you not do it monthly? Or save purposely to pay for insurance for a year? (I'm amazed it's only £1000, my first year was £1200 Sad), is this with another person on as second driver too? If I renewed without DP on this year it would have been over £850, putting him on put it down to £650 with sainsbury's in the end. This is with one year no claims and paying up front but it is the third time I've had to pay car insurance and it's come down by £400 in the two 'whole' years I've been driving, so if you can put your degree on hold for one installment then to put the money towards the car it would make your life much easier in the long run.

You're on an apprenticeship, a lot of places will hire an apprentice for the extra hand without having to hire a full member of staff as they're cheaper. When does your apprenticeship end?

Lovebunny: I disagree. It is possible for two people to be with one another in a loving relationship and have sex without being married (and lets face it, how many people can afford to get married at the moment? We're already saving for our wedding ad we're not even engaged). As long as the son isn't shagging on the sofa and keeping it to his room I wouldn't call it flaunting either. I agree with you on passing fancies and new partners, but long-term partners are a different thing all together. Even when those partners can change.

InNeatCognac · 20/01/2013 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FutTheShuckUp · 20/01/2013 13:13

But surely just surely you can grasp if the people who do LIVE in the house have a problem with it they will say something/deal with it? Why have you taken it on as your own problem?

Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:13

But Neat, that doesn't answer my question. The question is not 'should I move out'. The answer is clearly yes, and I would if I could.
I just don't see why my DP respects that DB doesn't want to hear us having sex, but DB doesn't give the same respect back,

OP posts:
FutTheShuckUp · 20/01/2013 13:15

FFS.
Repeat after me.
It
IS
NOT
YOUR
PROBLEM

Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:16

Fut, I have taken it as my problems because it affects me. That doesn't mean that it is my place to FIX the 'problem', it is obviously DPs 'problem' to fix if he sees fit.
I was just wondering what people's opinions were re loud talking/noises when others are sleeping.

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 20/01/2013 13:18

STOP STAYING OVER THERE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!!!

You don't have to move out. It's not your house to move out of.

ConfusedPixie · 20/01/2013 13:21

But your DP doesn't want to fix the problem! So leave it be and stop staying if it's that much of an issue.

How old are you OP? Your DP is 24, but how old are you? Is this your first serious relationship?

Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:21

It isn't a case of 'stop staying if you don't like it'. This isn't a regular occurance. I love spending time with my DP at his house, it's usually a very calming place.
I'm merely asking a question about people's opinions about noise vs sleeping. There's no need for shouting.

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 20/01/2013 13:23

Why? Is the noise disturbing you?

The overwhelming opinion is: mind your own effing business! But you don't want to/can't grasp that.

FutTheShuckUp · 20/01/2013 13:25

But it really IS a case of if you dont like it dont stay there.
If I like spending time with my friend at her house but her noisy family did my head in the choice would be clear wouldn't it. Why do you think you have anymore of a claim because you are having sex with someone who lives in the house?

Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:25

Surely - walter - things affecting my DP is my business, as are problems that affect me.
Confused - DP does want to fix the problem but it's hard to do that as he is currently at work. He knows that the middle of the night is not the right time to have a chat.
My age and how many relationships I have had are not relevant.

OP posts:
ConfusedPixie · 20/01/2013 13:27

It is a case of "stop staying if you don't like it", it's exactly that.

My god I now know how you lot all felt when I came on here saying pretty much the same thing in 2009/2010 I apologise.

Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:27

I have no 'claim' on anything, Fut. I like spending time there, on the odd occasion it can be noisy - for example, last night.
I was only asking why it is acceptable to wake a household up when there are easy solutions, like hushed tones.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:27

Haha you know where I'm coming from then Confused Wink

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 20/01/2013 13:28

Well no it's not really because he's not your DP he's your boyfriend!

I think 'partner' implies a certain level of commitment, a life together that you just don't get when you have sleepovers at your boyfriend's mum's house!

Original poster
GoingBackToSchool · 20/01/2013 13:29

Right, I have an essay to write (should be doing it now/for the last 2 hours really :/)
I have concluded it's not my business to talk to DB. BUT, if DP thinks it's a problem then he should talk to DB. What do you think?

OP posts: