lovely sleepover but parent hasn't turned up to collect kid

[bringnbuy]

really hacked off. dd had two friends over for a sleepover. i picked them up from school, took them to pizza express for supper even though couldn't afford it really but thought it would be nicer than me cooking for them (as wimpy wasn't open due to snow), up for hours having a lovely time. invite clearly said COLLECT 10:30am, other kid was just picked up, a bit late but fine. no sign of other mum, over an hour late. i sent a plite text hour hour ago, no response. dh is hiding upstairs as had enough, you know how it is, after a while you have had enough of kids arsing around/watching kids tv etc. we have to go out which is why my invite clearly said 10:30, really pissed off, the mum might not turn up for hours, i asked her dd who said 'this afternoon', perhaps she thinks we are a useful creche

[louschmoo]

That's shit! How lax of her. If you are kind enough to invite her child again you should definitely make a point of phoning to confirm arrangements and pick up time.

[Nanny0gg]

Wwll the other mum was hardly sensitive to you, was she OP?
Did she apologise? Explain why her mobile number was wrong?

It's her DD that will suffer if she gets away with such behaviour, because the invitations will dry up.

[manicbmc]

Flaky parent. She should have checked the invite or asked you about the pick up time.

I wouldn't be repeating the situation unless you are able to spell things out to the silly woman in words of one syllable.

[wewereherefirst]

Blimey, surely it's just polite to double check arrangements when you're not sure of what's happening with your DC?

[bringnbuy]

deaf - if only :) gave up ttc for No. 2 two years ago (i am 48, ttc for 7 years). in the early days when af was late i used to always think i was pg, and possibly sometimes i was but when you are in the grip of peri-meno' it never really comes into my head anymore which is kind of liberating as i only ever achieved failed early pregnancies in 7 years of ttc. af is two months late but i don't feel pg, just fat with big boobs!)

[bringnbuy]

lee they are 9 although dd just turned 10

[AlistairSim]

Bleedin' Nora, MrsD!!

That is shocking.

[RuleBritannia]

I'm glad it woprked out for you bringnbuy. You were polite at the other mother's door. She would have received short shrift from me in front of her daughter.

I did an Assertion course once. The basic rule was that you keep repeating something until the person you are talking to has at last got what you are saying. For instance, a cold caller at the front door, "I have double glazing." "I have double glazing." "I have double glazing." They get your meaning eventually.

"The invitation said 10.30am pick up." "The invitation said 10.30am pick up." "The invitation said 10.30am pick up." She wold then have felt rather thick at not looking.

[MrsMiniversCharlady]

I wasn't suggesting that you be confrontational and I really wasn't trying to be mean, I just can't see why you were making a big thing over whether or not to phone, whether you should take her home etc etc. You seemed to be finding it all a big deal and that you lack confidence in dealing with such situations. I'm sorry if you thought I was having a go.

[LeeCoakley]

Op, you have let your DH off far too lightly! It's HIS job to trudge through the snow carrying the stuff. You should be relaxing after entertaining guests for the past 24 hours! Please tell me that he at least offered!

[difficultpickle]

So year 5? Ds is year 4. He knows our home phone number and my mobile off by heart. Did the mother invite you in for a coffee? I would have been utterly mortified if you had turned up on my door step in this weather. Instead I am very on your behalf.

I totally get how you hate confrontation with parenting stuff. I find it difficult too despite having what others perceive to be a 'high-powered' job.

[SPBInDisguise]

has she gone yet?

[2rebecca]

That's really rude. The mother should have been embarrassed and really grovelly when she realised how rude and negligent she had been. As she wasn't I'd be reluctant to have the child back until she is old enough to make her own way home.

[AlistairSim]

Thank god you were there, MrsD.

She would have been alone for three days otherwise.

I don't know why I find it particularly shocking, I can imagine my PIL doing the same to their 5 children.

[bringnbuy]

mrsd -blimey that's terrible, that poor girl (her dad going off like that), really upsetting. i bet you treated her better than she was used to. fwiw the mother was friendly when i dropped her dd back, she thanked me and looked confused when i said her mobile number didn't work when i tried calling (the texts i sent didn't come back unsent though....) i said the number i called was the same number i had used when i texted her chasing a rsvp which she did respond to. i don't hold a grudge, no big deal really just a bit crap. they are a nice family, just i think a bit too laid back in that way. dd loves her little girl, i'll certainly have her over but am wary now. actually come to think about it dd does karate with this little girl after school. when i go and pick her up (1 1/2 hours after school) this little girl is usually left waiting for her m or d to collect her whilst all the other kids carers are there waiting when the door opens. sometimes i hang around a bit with her until her brother etc come as i feel sorry for her but the thing is because i have done this a few times i now feel i always have to but her family are really nice, she seems very loved and even has a doting brother who always gives her a kiss when he does come, how many big brothers do that? i wouldn't have thought many :)

[SPBInDisguise]

sorry huge x post

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

bringnbuy it's lovely that the girl's brother is so doting- maybe they are closer because their parents are so lax.

WRT to the situation with the girl- Yes we all appreciate that people get caught up in traffic, delayed (and with the snow,) plans go array.
So you hang on a bit longer and 99% of the time the parent rushes in, blustering apologies, you both laugh and away they go.

BUT some parents are just like this one. Whether they are chronically disorganised or so rude that they think other peoples time doesn't matter, I don't know.

I've had a similar situation, it happens gradually but not again.(No contact now with the other child)

You have to nip it in the bud now, unless you are one of those parents who doesn't mind your house full of other DC.
But as you said, you needed to be somewhere. Sleepovers are flipping hard work. And the way you are now, you don't need the stress !

Does your DD go to this girl's house at all?

[greenpostit]

Be careful with that mum in the future. Some people do this very deliberately and feign ignorance. Next time, it won't be snowing and I would just put on the invite, I will drop x back home at 10.30 or whatever, please let me know if this isn't convenient. I wouldn't sit around waiting for her to arrive, I'd just do the drop off myself particularly as such a short distance. I don't believe for a minute that she didn't know the pickup time. She sounds like a liar to me, despite the fake friendliness.

[Veritate]

Some parents almost seem to expect free babysitting as their right. DD has a friend who has come to ours after school quite often, which is fine, she's a nice little girl and dd enjoys having her to play with. However, her mother is regularly late picking her up. On the one occasion when she was due to reciprocate and pick up both girls from school, I had a call at around 4 pm to say no-one had turned up to collect either of them. Fortunately the other mother got there quite soon after, but the Head took me aside and suggested I shouldn't ever rely on this mum because she was always late picking up and seemed to regard it as her right to have the teachers look after her dd. Ultimately they started putting her child into the after school club and charging her for it, she got most indignant but learnt to be a bit more punctual.

[andtheycalleditbunnylove]

long time ago but daughter had a friend over to stay. the next day, the girl's mum rang and said 'oh xxx will stay with you another couple of days...' and was quite put out when i said 'no she won't'. 'why not?' she demanded. 'because she isn't invited'. 'oh, i'll have to get her stepdad to pick her up then.' 'fine, you do that'.
cheek!

[bringnbuy]

and, that is really depressing. i understand needing space and if you are good friends with someone then to ask a favour is different, but to ask someone you barely know to have your kid for a few days is bloody awful. i feel really sorry for the kid. i've had a shite day really, didn't do the things i needed to and dd hasn't done any of her bloody homework of which she has loads. 70 dd has never been there before but they have only been friends for about 3/4 months, you know how kids are, they change their 'best' friends the way i change my undies. i will have her over again one half term as i don't think it fair on the girl to stop her having dd as a friend just because her mum is flaky or whatever it is she is. i still can't believe i was stood there in the snow with her dd holding one hand and her sleeping bag in the other. what a rotten scene. still, all's well that ends well. many different ways to bring up your child, noone knows what goes on behind closed doors. i know one women who when dd was younger and had birthday parties at our house, everyone else would drop their child off and then leave, she would come in, take her coat off and stay even though i didn't really know (or like) her, really awkward. i had to make boody uncomfortable conversation with her/feel i had to entertain her the whole time instead of other things. she lived nearby so could have easily gone home.