....in thinking the cost of weddings is becoming beyond todays young people

[concernedrose]

DS is planning on getting married next year. He and fiance both have good jobs but are paying off student loans, and pay £850 a month in rent for a tiny one bedroomed flat. They also are trying to save for a mortgage. So imagine their (and our) horror at the price of weddings. It seems that to be able to do everything for under £10,000 is virtually impossible in the area we live in. And they have accepted they wont be able to have a honeymoon immediatly after the wedding. This seems a vast sum of money to me, but even calling in favours from friends and relatives, (ie cake making, invitation making, flower arranging) it looks like this is what it is going to cost. Oh well, anyone for beans on toast!!!

[PaellaUmbrella]

YABU.

The scale of a wedding and what it costs is down to the couple. It suits the wedding industry to tell us that the "average" wedding costs 20K or whatever, in order for people to buy into the utter nonsense of it all.

I got married last year for a fraction of what you're proposing. Here is how we saved money:

1. My dress was from the high street and only cost a couple of hundred. It was actually linked to by another poster on a thread recently and people were commenting on how lovely it was.
   
2. My mum made my veil and our cake
   
3. I did my own hair and make-up
   
4. We made our invites
   
5. We found a photographer who could do a 4 hour package rather than all day - all we really needed and much cheaper than normal.
   
6. No DJ or entertainment - we compiled music on an iPod
   
7. Provided our own cava champagne for after the ceremony
   
8. Our ceremony flowers doubled up as reception centrepieces
   

and lots more. It can easily be done. If your DS and his DF really want to get married, then they will.

[Bunbaker]

I agree with Jins.

How on earth do you manage to spend nearly £50k on a wedding hullyGully?

[Sokmonsta]

Yabu. The things people want are just that, wants. All you need is someone licensed to marry, an appropriate place and the friends and family you want there. Too many people invite extended family because they feel obliged to, because auntie so and so thinks uncle what'shisname should be invited due to x y or z.

The pressure put on people is enormous. Just for one day. And that before you take into account the dress the bride must have, the matching hired suits for the groom and ushers, bridesmaid dresses, hen and stag do, the catering for a sit down meal, buffet for the evening reception for the people who weren't invited good enough for the main affair. Church bell fees, pay for the choir as your guests singing won't be up to scratch..... The list is endless.

People should look at what is important to them. The person they want to spend the rest of their life with, or showing off to friends/relatives how much they can spend to have a good time/have the best wedding - some people get very competitive and lose sight of what the day is actually about.

Mine was a registry wedding. Organised in 2 weeks (time we went to registry office to earliest date we were allowed to get married). Dh already had a suit, I bought a dress as had nothing suitable, but which could and has been worn since. Dc's had party clothes. Rings were bought the day before. We invited the maximum number of people allowed (26 of our closest friends and family, max 30 inc ourselves and dc). My parents paid for a sandwich reception at a nearby hotel as couldn't bear the thought of us just going to the pub for a quick drink.

We were already booked to be out that night. Honeymoon was a two night Groupon offer taken the next day.

I feel sorry for the couples who think they need to spend x amount of money to show everyone how committed they are. They are forgetting why they are really getting married.

[pictish]

If you're struggling to have a wedding for 10k then I suggest you all examine your priorities again. Ridiculous!

This is one of those "my diamond shoes are pinching my feet" dilemmas.

I don't want to go down the competitibe frugality route, but really OP, 10k for a wedding is PLENTY and THEN SOME.

[Sokmonsta]

Oh, and we got married before 1130 as the price went up by more than triple for the afternoon! Well worth checking times out too.

[Thumbwitch]

"Scheherezade Wed 16-Jan-13 09:17:06
I do disagree with posters saying to just go to the registry office. The church ceremony isn't expensive, its the reception/party which costs."

Yes. but the couple in the OP aren't getting married in a church, they're getting the registrar out to the hotel.

[Hullygully]

How do you spend less, Bunbaker?? If you want any sort of decent affair?

[CaseyShraeger]

Hully, you are naughty.

[AnEventfulEvening]

I remember the 1k wedding MORE than the 30k one!

I did the photography (which ARE better than the 30k couples professional ones)
Flowers were cut from friends gardens (and I did them up into displays despite having never arranged flowers in my life - it was easy peasy)
The family and couple did the food
The got mismatched china from charity shops to serve it on
The venue hire was about £500 for the whole weekend (some of us camped over)
The bride made all the dresses
They had the 'proper' ceremony at the registry office and then repeated vows at the venue
They made the invites and service cards
A friend did the cake
We put up christmas lights and fabric to decorate the venue
We put on a BBQ in the evening for anyone who got hungry
They got friends to bring good quality booze over from France
They didn't 'do' a car. This was in part because no one actually was ever going to see the bride arriving anyway

And you know what? Everyone chipping in and helping made the day ten times better and it felt like a family and friends occasion rather than everyone just turning up.

I really think people have completely lost what a wedding/marriage is about.

[EuroShagmore]

You don't need to do all the things you mention, OP. We spent a similar amount on our wedding, but we were in our mid-30s and could afford it. Most of it went on food and drink, as many of our friends and relatives are foodies and wine buffs! We didn't bother with things that didn't mean anything to us - bridesmaids, best man, usher, fancy rings, favours, etc. You could easily have a registry office do and then a reception in a local pub or function room for much, much less. In fact, some friends of ours did this last year - registry office and then drinks and dinner at a "naice" local pub. Twas fab.

[pictish]

Don't talk rubbish Hully - you don't need to spend 50 grand to have a 'decent' wedding.
Pie in the sky!!

[Hullygully]

Why casey? If you can afford a decent bash, why not have one?

[StrangerDanger]

My divorce was more expensive than my wedding. Folk can't have it all ;) lol x

[pictish]

Oh you bisom Hully - you are taking the royal pee!

[Yfronts]

It doesn't have to be expensive though really does it? It never used to be expensive in the 1950's as people kept it simple. Its only today people want to put on a show and make it very commercial.

[Hullygully]

Do you want a break down?

Dress (accessories etc): £7,500
Bridesmaids dresses (accessories etc) X 6: £6000
Venue: £12,000
Transport (without helicopter): £4,000
Catering: £10,000
Booze: £5,000
Entertainment: £3,000
Sundries: The rest.

And that is by no means the fanciest wedding I attended last year. I overheard some friends refer to it as a "Modest affair, but very sweet"

[elliejjtiny]

We had a big white wedding in 2004 for £4k. Church was free. My dress was £370 in the sale. bridesmaids dresses x4 £60 each from next. Flower girls dress in the monsoon sale. £20 each for hair, we did our own makeup. Hired 3 suits for DH, best man and my dad. The flower girls dad worked for Audi so he borrowed a posh car from work. Village hall cost £250. Got loads of little vases from charity shops and random candles to put on the tables. photographer cost £350. Friend's mum did the video. Mums friend did cake and flowers and we just paid cost of ingredients, flowers etc. We made our own invitations. Catering was the big expense, £10 per head for 100 people.

I think we could have done it cheaper if we'd tried eg done the food ourselves or got a photography student to do the photographs.

[Jins]

Hully you spent far too much on the food and nowhere near enough on the booze

HTH

[Yfronts]

Why don't use use a cheaper location and caterers?

[mrsshackleton]

OP

Why don't your son and dd get married at the local registry office? closest family and handful of close friends in attendance.

Back to yours, or in-laws or theirs, whichever is biggest for a buffet from Waitrose, then push back chairs, stick an iPod into speakers and everyone dances. The best wedding I ever attended was like this, in a two-bedroom flat.

A few months on or on their first anniversary, they could have a bigger party in a village hall or wherever, similarly self catered and invite more people.

There is no need for wedding breakfast, evening reception etc. If they can't afford it, don't do it.

[Hullygully]

Jins - the damn bride (a gold digger, family no money hence we paid for the lot but hey ho he got her from a catalogue and I doubt in all honesty anyone else would have had him, he lacks in certain areas) wanted the cake gold-leafed.

[specialsubject]

first, lose the big white silly dress for 'a few hundred'. Second hand, ebay or just get a really nice dress from a similar source and look good, not like a toilet-roll doll. Think Pippa, not Kate.

second - no pointless fripperies. Chair covers, favours (NO! Just NO!), expensive invitations, save the date cards, OTT table decorations, huge fussy cake.

third - get married in the registry office, invite just a few. Pick a slot as late as possible then move on to the party venue. Most people will be grateful not to have to sit through the wedding although the reg office only takes 15 minutes.

because that is all it is, a party. Spend on good food, reasonable drink and a good band.

congratulations to the happy couple.

[Jins]

That explains it I suppose but still - only £5k on booze? That would barely cover top table surely?

[Hullygully]

Top table got the good stuff jins, her family (bloody thousands of them) got the plonk because they wouldn't know the good stuff if it jumped up and bit them. And it was watered down too, to try and keep them under some sort of control.