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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel mightly annoyed that everyone forgot my DS 1st birthday

97 replies

mandoo · 04/01/2013 18:28

He only got 6 cards. Only one of my friends remembered and even his uncle forgot. I am a stickler for remembering peoples birthdays and sending cards. One of his gifts was wrapped in christmas paper, surely this is just not on? I feel I may now 'forget' everyone else's birthday this year!!

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 04/01/2013 18:59

How many nieces and nephews do your friends (who didn't send a card) have OP?

Because if they are anything like me and DH, they may have a dozen of their own family to remember. And that's only the nephews and nieces.

Lizzylou · 04/01/2013 19:00

YANBU
I'd have been upset too.
BUT, It is a tricky time of year, doesn't mean he is loved any the less and at his tender age won't know.
Perhaps get everyone who you want to remember (and who didn't) a calendar for Christmas next year and mark your DS's birthday on? Grin

Original poster
mandoo · 04/01/2013 19:01

Oh dear it seems that 'uptight' is how I am coming across. Am normally quite laid back but certain things do matter to me, as they do with everyone, and I think birthdays are the one day of the year when people should think remember you, however small you are.

OP posts:
arghhelpme · 04/01/2013 19:01

Ds1 got 6 cards too.
His dad didn't bother with a card OR present.
So i think yab a tiny bit u

Halfling · 04/01/2013 19:02

Don't fret as long as your immediate family remembered.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 04/01/2013 19:04

YANBU I'd have been pissed at the Christmas paper too

but other than your DB/DBIL, who forgot who shouldn't have?
IMO the friends and wider family who do send new baby gifts don't do the every day "normal" birthdays so it's not necessarily a case of forgetting, just like as others have said, nieces and nephews are enough to be getting on with

jelliebelly · 04/01/2013 19:05

YANBU about the Christmas paper. My DH has a birthday during the Christmas hols and always felt that his parents used Christmas paper because they couldn't be bothered - it really is quite an issue for him even now he is over 40!

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 04/01/2013 19:18

My birthday is christmas eve, and i've never been bothered by xmas paper?

I dont think YABU to be peeved about the lack of cards though. Six cards will seem like none if you have 50 close friends/family, but it may seem a lot to someone who only has six!

Oh, and I always buy plain silver paper - does for everything Wink

Almostfifty · 04/01/2013 19:20

OP, I bet all those who said YABU haven't got birthdays around this time of year.

Well, I have. I've had a lot of them. I'm not precious about it after all these years, but it wasn't nice when I was a child. It's a bloody awful time of year to have a birthday, and it wasn't helped by people forgetting.

It isn't on to wrap presents in Christmas paper. It isn't on to not give presents as 'you've just had a Christmas present'. It isn't on to forget a nephew or niece.

It is on to be uptight about it OP. Would the same people like it if it had happened to their child? I doubt it.

If I were you, I'd have a teaparty and invite all your friends and family next year. They won't forget then.

The only good thing is that you've realised how the land will lie from now on.

MiraWard · 04/01/2013 19:24

I don't think anyone was bitchy - tis just reality surely. A big lesson in life is that your PFB is of supreme importance to YOU and to absolutely no-one else. Even grandparents cannot be relied upon.

dequoisagitil · 04/01/2013 19:26

No, I really believe that cards are wasted on small children, whether their birthday is close to Xmas or not. One of my dc's birthday is close to Xmas.

I also wouldn't expect friends to give my baby gifts or extended family. OTOH, I would expect presents from:

  • grandparents, yes,
  • god-parents, yes,
  • my/dh's siblings, yes - although I have been disappointed on that score Grin.
Mia4 · 04/01/2013 19:28

Can't say whether you ABU or not, ou could only have 8 family members and this be a great turn out or have 50 and this be shit. Same for friends really.

Something to note is that in some areas (mine included, my friends dad is a postman and he verified) Royal Mail's in a mess due to Xmas and New year deliveries and returns- somethings are massively delayed. So he may get more in a few days. Di your parents/DPs parents remember?

yfuwchhapus · 04/01/2013 19:29

Happy birthday to your precious DS...first birthday is very special.

I would have been very peed off!

pigletmania · 04/01/2013 19:30

Yabu his birthday was remembered. It does not matter if it was Christmas wrapping, it's the thought that counts

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/01/2013 19:30

Um... Bit of both I think

I can see why you're bothered by it. I think I would be too. But by the same token...you're upset because it's a perceived slight that affects you far more than it does your baby.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 04/01/2013 19:32

I've kept my children's first birthday cards so for me they do matter, so for that reason alone i would have been upset about it.

Don't understand all the posters saying get a grip cards don't matter because they clearly do to the op.

Wrapping paper not so much because its a nightmare going to the shops around Christmas! I ended up wrapping one up in Christmas paper because i physically couldn't get to the shop on Christmas eve and it would of been a nightmare if i had.

I suppose i could have planned better but what with Christmas, work and children there's a lot going on around then. I did thought choose the least Christmassy one i could and i felt bad about it.

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/01/2013 19:32

Also OP - make sure in future you do something in particular for birthdays. It's a swine having birthdays around the Christmas period as many of my friends have testified.

HecatePropolos · 04/01/2013 19:36
Grin Try being a december baby, almost50 With xmas decs going up on your birthday and you being expected to think this made your birthday special, with people complaining about having to get you something so close to christmas, getting one thing for both, or nowt at all, xmas wrapping paper of course, or people not really being fussed cos its nearly christmas. Grin
breatheslowly · 04/01/2013 19:36

YABU

If people are due to visit then they may bring any cards/presents then and that is perfectly reasonable.

I would only expect a card from immediate family - any others are just a bonus. We don't do cards/presents for friends' children unless we go to a party.

Christmas paper is a bit poor.

Ephiny · 04/01/2013 19:36

You might expect family to remember, but not necessarily friends. I have no idea when any of my friends children's birthdays are, and tbh it wouldn't have occurred to me that it was any of my business Confused.

mercibucket · 04/01/2013 19:37

I wouldn't expect cards from friends for a child's first birthday unless I threw a party, and even then I wouldn't be bothered either way.
It'd be nice to get cards from grandparents - so 2.
I obviously have lower standards

My birthday is at xmas. It's the 'joint present' thing that's the killer - wrapping paper is v unimportant.

mercibucket · 04/01/2013 19:37

I wouldn't expect cards from friends for a child's first birthday unless I threw a party, and even then I wouldn't be bothered either way.
It'd be nice to get cards from grandparents - so 2.
I obviously have lower standards

My birthday is at xmas. It's the 'joint present' thing that's the killer - wrapping paper is v unimportant.

amillionyears · 04/01/2013 19:39

op, you are coming across as feeling a bit unloved yourself.
There has been a thread on here before, where the people who are very concerned about birthdays, do it because they feel a little unloved.
Is this the case here?

As far as your DS is concerned,like others say, he wont remember.

And you may have to harden yourself to people sending him presents in future wrapped in Xmas paper, because of the time of year. You could gently ask people not to do it though, which would be a fair enough ask imo.

SecretSquirrels · 04/01/2013 19:42

DS1 has a birthday around Christmas and people do forget more than at other times. He may not notice when he is one but he sure will when he is older.
When he was at school we would give out party invitations to his friends and very often they would "forget" to come.

bumbez · 04/01/2013 19:46

It's my Birthday today I'm 46 :(

My Birthday got forgotten a lot when I was little probably due to folke not being organised with their new calenders.

My pet hate was the joint Christmas/ Birthday present - I would have had no concept that it cost twice as much.

My sister has it worse hers is on Xmas day along with my mother. Grin

So yanbu and Happy Bithday to your Ds.