... bang on the door, and shout 'Why on earth did you give my dd diet pills? Are you insane woman?' Because a) she's MUCH bigger than me and b) she is insane?
background: dd has been friends with girl since they were 3. They were at nursery together. Have never communicated that well with mum or felt I know her well - her Mum's English isn't great (she's French Algerian), and her life is quite chaotic - six kids, one of whom is brain damaged from a fall from a window a few years ago. Mum has physical and mental health problems.
DD came home from their house last week with 12 diet tablets in a blister pack. God knows what they contain - googled them and found very little information. I think they're the ones which absorb fat from food. But could be more than that. Whatever, they've gone in the bin, and we had to endure an evening of screaming and shouting from dd, who is slightly overweight (allergic to exercise and fond of eating crap), who had been persuaded by the friend's mum that these tablets could be the answer to her problems.
I mean really - it's bonkers isn't it? But I'm afraid of this girl's mum as she's a bit unstable and VERY outspoken. I was once witness to her screaming at another mother in the street over something to do with comments which had passed between their daughters. So I won't be saying anything to her. Just binning the tablets and telling dd she's NEVER to take anything without our say so, and that diet pills don't work.
AIBU?
To NOT go storming around to 13 year old dd's friend's mum's house
Shagmundfreud · 28/12/2012 19:01
Love the way me calling someone a nob for taking the Daily Wail line that prisons are too soft, is taken as evidence of my poor parenting. 
I don't use food as punishment btw. [although dd would disagree - the fact that I don't regularly buy massive multipacks of crisps and fill the shopping trolley with coke is clear evidence for her of my parental neglect of her needs]
Yep, no cheese, if that's the only way :). Then only buy it when just about to use it (if you have a local shop). Or at least the half fat stuff.
I know it will only work in the short term though, what needs to tackling is the reason behind the over eating. I can't help much there I'm afraid, I'm 32 and only just working this out for myself 
It does help though not to have the key binge foods in the house.
I can't empty my house of food, because we have to eat.
And I have two teenage sons, one of whom is seriously underweight, and the other who plays sport seven days a week. Both need a lot of food.
And there is usually no junk food so she will make tuna and sweetcorn sandwiches, with loads of butter and mayo (or should I not have those in the house either) or eat soup, or baked beans or raid the freezer.
Or sit down and eat a loaf of bread. Or start baking. Shall I chuck out the flour?
When she is feeling sorry for herself she eats. Otherwise, she is absolutely lovely. But me trying to stop her eating makes her unhappy, so she eats more.
It's a vicious circle.
Sorry, Shag, this isn't really on topic.
But is in reply to the people who seem to think that permanently taking a phone and pocket money from a teenager is a suitable punishment for them being overweight . If you did that, it would surely lead to an eating disorder of some type.
Shag 
... just that really
Good idea about the note etc - probably the best way to let her know you know & not put yourself in harms way.
Just wanted to lend a supportive ear/shoulder to MaryZ and Shag as I am also the mother of one rather plump teenager and two whippet young adults. These things are never as simplistic as they seem to people who have no experience of it, and you need to tread extremely carefully for fear of giving a fat child a complex and making things worse.
DS3 (13) - very chubby. We struggle to get trousers in his age that do up at the middle. Started off as a very skinny child and then became inexplicably chubby aged nine, and has got fatter and fatter each year he has got older. He hates sport and does very little exercise out of choice, and certain lifestyle restrictions make it hard for him to walk much unless walking for the sheer sake of walking, iyswim. He would always eat junk food and pizza given the option, is a fruit and veg refusnik, but he does not over-eat in terms of quantity as far as I can see. He does do a feast and famine thing though - can go all day without food then has his evening meal and is hungry again in an hour and will come downstairs at midnight and radio the cupboards for crap. I have all but given up buying anything remotely 'treat-like' for this reason, but then DH and the other two moan because there is no food in. Luckily the other two do not live with me all the time.
DS2 (17) - very thin, always has been. Very active, likes sport but doesn't really play any these days so he can hardly feel smug on that count, but always full of nervous energy, can't stay still in one place for long. He's always hungry, but a grazer - needs to eat little and often, gets full very easily and will vomit if he gets too full. (not intentionally) He will eat lots of salad and veg, and LOADS of high carb bland food like pasta, rice and bread, and covers everything in mayonnaise or cream, puts three or four sugars in his coffee. A combination that would ordinarily would make someone fat - but not him. Can take or leave meat. He still eats loads of takeaways and junk though.
DS1 (20) - Pretty much leads a sedentary and slug-like existence, hates sport and eats mostly crap. Will eat fruit and veg, to a point, but like most young men his age he has a massive appetite and would always choose meat, chips, fry-ups, takeaways etc. Is not a big fan of sugary things though. He is built like Tarzan; extremely muscular and lean. He likes to walk a lot, but that is it.
How do I explain to DS3 where he is going wrong when he looks at the other two and and sees little or no exercise going on, loads of junk food and takeaways (they buy them, not me) and a very mixed bag of both good and bad eating habits and preferences, and yet they are both thin?
That is a rhetorical question, btw, but just wanted to say it is not as simple as it sounds to change it, and it is not a simple as saying 'he eats crap so he is fat, he eats well so he is thin.'
anyway, back to the mad Algerian......
Shag and Mary and anyone else dealing with tricky teens for whatever reason, you have my sympathy, and a at anyone here who thinks that it's easy to make a teen obey if you are draconic or sneaky enough.
I usually post about DS, but in these sorts of situations, he's easy. DD is the tricky one, but I'd rather cope and compromise and pick my fights than have her suicidal.
Or self-harming.
She's not overweight, but we have other issues to deal with that have been very challenging over the last couple of years. And glib, simplistic answers make me want to break things over heads sometimes.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.