to be angry/upset with my 'friend' for not coming

[Ilovecrossfit]

to my baby's first bday party. she basically said '...Friday not good Ive my yoga class' ???!!! We have children similiar age.
It's a local fitness class she means, not 1to1 session ( which id understand)..even if she 'said sorry id love to come but' that would sound better but Ive got a feeling she basically was saying " couldnt care less"

When my told my hubby he was like " why are you surprised'...so obviously he wasnt...hmmm

[OTheHugeManatee]

You often have to pay for blocks of yoga classes in advance. Or even if not it can be a nightmare to find time for a fitness class. It might be the only 'me time' she gets in the whole week.

Sorry, but I would not want to miss a class I'd paid for or that I only did once a week to stand around with a load of adults I've mostly never met, gazing at someone else's baby who isn't even old enough to appreciate cake and presents.

YABVVPFBandreallyabitU

[MoonlightandRoses]

You may be being a little OTT to be feeling "angry and upset" with your friend, but YANBU to feel a bit miffed about it.

She's meant to be your friend. Yes, in truth a first b'day will really only be of importance to parents, but, the thing is, it is important to you so she should recognise that and, if that means missing a yoga class to do so, then so be it.

[bondigidum]

I definitely think first birthday parties are for close family only. For a start babies are very overwhelmed by a vast amount of people, why would you want to scare them on their big day? Also they aren't really much fun for adults.. Plus the baby has no idea what a birthday is.

But it does depend on how close a friend she is. If she's like your BFF then yanbu but if she's just a sort of coffee every now and then friend then yabu.

[bondigidum]

*I say that because really close friends can be very much like family and it would be, imo, out of order for a best friend to miss your child's first birthday for the sake of frigging yoga..

[stickygotstuck]

I'm with charlmarascoxo.

Of course the baby doesn't know what's going on. Of course it's for the parents. And it's a very bid deal for the parents. The parents are your friends. So do turn up or find a bloody good excuse.

We had close relatives and close friends to our DD's 1st birthday party. And I stress the close. I would have been peeved if "I have yoga on Fridays" had been thrown casually as an excuse.

PO, how close is this friend?

[socharlotte]

1st b'day parties are for parents , grandparents, siblings and possibly uncles and aunts if they too young Dc to bring.

[2rebecca]

I think big parties for 1 year olds are a bit daft, they are too young to appreciate much of the fuss so it's basically a party for the parents.
If any of my real friends preferred to go to something they had pre-booked rather than come round and visit me (which is basically what the options are as at 1 the birthday party aspect is irrelevent) I would understand. If you really want your friend there you change the time of the party, if the party is at a fixed time then people who can come come and those who can't don't.
I agree with others that first birthdays are exciting for parents and grannies mainly.

[milkymocha]

Yanbu OP!
I think your 'friend' is very rude, to my group of friends/family 1st birthdays are important because all our children our important.
She can go yoga anytime!

Hope the party goes well!

[milkymocha]

*are important!

[eatingrottenapples]

I understand it's more for the parents but if she is a good friend she should make an effort.

[2rebecca]

True, but if she was a good friend you would maybe know that she always has yoga at that time and would arrange the party for a different time as it doesn't matter to the baby when the party is so you arrange it for the adults' convenience. If I knew my best friend always did something at a particular time I would arrange an event at a different time.

[VoiceofUnreason]

Sorry, I never understand the need for a birthday party for a one-year old. They have no idea what it's about and I always thought birthday parties were about the recipient rather than the people throwing them (ie, the parents).

I've only ever been to one birthday party for a one-year old - that was my goddaughter and it was immediate family and godparents only, not cousins, friends and next door neighbours.

[2rebecca]

If a friend did invite me to a small sprog birthday party though I wouldn't just say "I can't come I have x" but would say "sorry but I have a regular yoga class between 3 and 4 and hate to miss it but could pop in before/ after if that's convenient"

[BarbarianMum]

I may be lacking in social etiquette but why would you invite your friend to your child's birthday party? Does she have a lo the same age? Is she a god parent?

Honestly, it would be considered strange round my way.

[BuddyTheChristmasElf]

lots of the yoga classes round here are courses where you pay for 6 or 8 in advance, its actually quite hard to pay as you go for yoga and pilates around here

its not like the child will notice/care!

at my DSs 1st birthday, we did have a party (more for the grannies than anything else) and friends popped in AROUND their other commitments, I didn't expect anyone to cancel anything!
YABU

[BuddyTheChristmasElf]

what was your response by the way? mine would have been "no probs, feel free to pop in after your class if you fancy a slice of cake"

[ClippedPhoenix]

Also OP, look at it this way, if she has children same age as you and is escaping for the evening to a yoga class for the evening she probably doesn't mean anything by it but would rather a child free evening. I know I would

[VoiceofUnreason]

We seem to hear more about birthday parties for one-year olds and baby showers. The latter are awful American things. Don't know why the former have suddenly become popular - didn't the Beckhams have an enormous extravagant party for one of their kids' first birthday? Pointless.

As always, the rule is "While YOUR child may be the centre of YOUR universe, it's not the centre of anyone else's" and therefore it is unreasonable to expect people to act as if they are.

[ClippedPhoenix]

Far too many evenings in that post

probably subconsciously wishing my working day away

[Jusfloatingby]

It was a bit of a thoughtless response. Even if she did prefer to go to her yoga class she could have made up something a bit more important to give the impression that she would really like to go to the party but it was out of her hands.

[2rebecca]

I agree with clippedphoenix that this may be precious child free time for her and something she looks forward to all week.

[Ilovecrossfit]

OK, well thanks to some really rude answers...
And big thank you to lovely and kind ones :) Its not a PARTY with teh family members, it's a play day with her little friends not even on her proper bday. i did say in invitation is about babies and us catching up etc. So even my oldest child will be at school on a day.
I think it's up to an individual to decide if he she wants a first party to be big, i didnt... hence the idea of going to a baby centre when they can safely play, take part in craft activities ( some children are older) while mums can have a coffee and cake.

My friend does all the parties, when she found out she was pregnant parties for all her 4 kids, then bday parties and everything else to which I went every single year hence Im bit upset she can't make an effort to my baby ( who by teh way was born after 4yrs of treatment, for some it may not be a big deal 1st bday for me Im grateful ive got my beautiful babies and want to celebrate their birthdays)

[BuddyTheChristmasElf]

are you paying for the play and coffees?
she'd already potentially be loosing money on a potentially pre-paid class

it really doesn't sound like something that I'd class as a big deal/important event, it is to you but as has been pointed out, its really not to the kids (too young to care) or other non relatives

I'd go if I was free and it wasn't going to cost much. Your friend isn't free.

[VoiceofUnreason]

Ilove in some respects it might have been better to told us all that information in your first posting....

[Ilovecrossfit]

Also I know her yoga is not extra paid and Im so glad some people from here are not my friends.
i dont except her to stop breathing to attend my child's bday thingy but more considerate reply would be more welcome.
All I say is I thought is a good idea as i personally dont believe in big parties, but people who know me know how long and how much pain and tears costed us to get pregnant, hence I wanted to get together with people I thought were my friends.

And to one of you who said I cant be a good friend if I dont know what she does on what day, how crazy is that...I dont have to see my friends every day to consider them my friends...