to be angry/upset with my 'friend' for not coming

[Ilovecrossfit]

to my baby's first bday party. she basically said '...Friday not good Ive my yoga class' ???!!! We have children similiar age.
It's a local fitness class she means, not 1to1 session ( which id understand)..even if she 'said sorry id love to come but' that would sound better but Ive got a feeling she basically was saying " couldnt care less"

When my told my hubby he was like " why are you surprised'...so obviously he wasnt...hmmm

[VoiceofUnreason]

So.... it's not a party after all, it's a play date, that's not happening on your child's actual birthday, you've told people not to bring presents and it's all about you getting together with your friends who should feel obliged to attend because of the pain and tears it cost you to get pregnant?

[BuddyTheChristmasElf]

so you didn't even know she did that yoga class.. but you know its not pre-pay? erm. Okay!

whatever! look OP its really not a "priority" event as many posters have pointed out. If she declined a christening or big birthday or wedding to go to yoga YWNBU, but its JUST SOFT PLAY with a 1 year old who wont care who is there!

[fatlazymummy]

Well if you are upset then you're upset. You can't help the way that you feel. Personally it wouldn't bother me, I didn't do parties for any of my children until they were at school. I can't remember being invited to any either, so I don't really get why you're making such a big thing out of it.

[MissWinklyParadiso]

So actually she's just not coming to soft play? YABU.

I remember my DSis's "1st birthday party" - our parents stuck a candle in a cake and sang happy birthday while I wondered what the point was, as she had no clue what was happening bratty 4 year old me

[trixie123]

see, my initial response is, why would she want to come , don't be upset, but then I remembered that one of my friends didn't come to DS's 1st (2 years ago) and I am still annoyed about it- though that is mainly because, despite only probably bothering to visit twice a year (from not far away) she insists of referring to herself as "Auntie..." and talks as though she is really close to him, but couldn't be arsed to come to the party (which, for non- Christened babies like mine I often think of as a sort of substitute for that celebration)

[RobinSparkles]

I don't know many adults who would cancel plans for a first birthday party, TBH.

First birthday parties are for the parents and Grandparents, IMO. Other than that it's a waste of time as the child will NOT remember nor care who was at their first birthday.

Therefore YABU.

[Ilovecrossfit]

Yes Im paying for plays and coffees and said no presents please x

[Ilovecrossfit]

Also I know her yoga is not extra paid and Im so glad some people from here are not my friends.
i dont except her to stop breathing to attend my child's bday thingy but more considerate reply would be more welcome.
All I say is I thought is a good idea as i personally dont believe in big parties, but people who know me know how long and how much pain and tears costed us to get pregnant, hence I wanted to get together with people I thought were my friends.

And to one of you who said I cant be a good friend if I dont know what she does on what day, how crazy is that...I dont have to see my friends every day to consider them my friends...

[VoiceofUnreason]

Ilove in some respects it might have been better to told us all that information in your first posting....

[BuddyTheChristmasElf]

are you paying for the play and coffees?
she'd already potentially be loosing money on a potentially pre-paid class

it really doesn't sound like something that I'd class as a big deal/important event, it is to you but as has been pointed out, its really not to the kids (too young to care) or other non relatives

I'd go if I was free and it wasn't going to cost much. Your friend isn't free.

[Ilovecrossfit]

OK, well thanks to some really rude answers...
And big thank you to lovely and kind ones :) Its not a PARTY with teh family members, it's a play day with her little friends not even on her proper bday. i did say in invitation is about babies and us catching up etc. So even my oldest child will be at school on a day.
I think it's up to an individual to decide if he she wants a first party to be big, i didnt... hence the idea of going to a baby centre when they can safely play, take part in craft activities ( some children are older) while mums can have a coffee and cake.

My friend does all the parties, when she found out she was pregnant parties for all her 4 kids, then bday parties and everything else to which I went every single year hence Im bit upset she can't make an effort to my baby ( who by teh way was born after 4yrs of treatment, for some it may not be a big deal 1st bday for me Im grateful ive got my beautiful babies and want to celebrate their birthdays)

[2rebecca]

I agree with clippedphoenix that this may be precious child free time for her and something she looks forward to all week.

[Jusfloatingby]

It was a bit of a thoughtless response. Even if she did prefer to go to her yoga class she could have made up something a bit more important to give the impression that she would really like to go to the party but it was out of her hands.

[ClippedPhoenix]

Far too many evenings in that post

probably subconsciously wishing my working day away

[VoiceofUnreason]

We seem to hear more about birthday parties for one-year olds and baby showers. The latter are awful American things. Don't know why the former have suddenly become popular - didn't the Beckhams have an enormous extravagant party for one of their kids' first birthday? Pointless.

As always, the rule is "While YOUR child may be the centre of YOUR universe, it's not the centre of anyone else's" and therefore it is unreasonable to expect people to act as if they are.

[ClippedPhoenix]

Also OP, look at it this way, if she has children same age as you and is escaping for the evening to a yoga class for the evening she probably doesn't mean anything by it but would rather a child free evening. I know I would

[BuddyTheChristmasElf]

what was your response by the way? mine would have been "no probs, feel free to pop in after your class if you fancy a slice of cake"

[BuddyTheChristmasElf]

lots of the yoga classes round here are courses where you pay for 6 or 8 in advance, its actually quite hard to pay as you go for yoga and pilates around here

its not like the child will notice/care!

at my DSs 1st birthday, we did have a party (more for the grannies than anything else) and friends popped in AROUND their other commitments, I didn't expect anyone to cancel anything!
YABU

[BarbarianMum]

I may be lacking in social etiquette but why would you invite your friend to your child's birthday party? Does she have a lo the same age? Is she a god parent?

Honestly, it would be considered strange round my way.

[2rebecca]

If a friend did invite me to a small sprog birthday party though I wouldn't just say "I can't come I have x" but would say "sorry but I have a regular yoga class between 3 and 4 and hate to miss it but could pop in before/ after if that's convenient"

[VoiceofUnreason]

Sorry, I never understand the need for a birthday party for a one-year old. They have no idea what it's about and I always thought birthday parties were about the recipient rather than the people throwing them (ie, the parents).

I've only ever been to one birthday party for a one-year old - that was my goddaughter and it was immediate family and godparents only, not cousins, friends and next door neighbours.

[2rebecca]

True, but if she was a good friend you would maybe know that she always has yoga at that time and would arrange the party for a different time as it doesn't matter to the baby when the party is so you arrange it for the adults' convenience. If I knew my best friend always did something at a particular time I would arrange an event at a different time.

[eatingrottenapples]

I understand it's more for the parents but if she is a good friend she should make an effort.

[milkymocha]

*are important!

[milkymocha]

Yanbu OP!
I think your 'friend' is very rude, to my group of friends/family 1st birthdays are important because all our children our important.
She can go yoga anytime!

Hope the party goes well!