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AIBU?

Actually, I think my sis is being selfish and unreasonable

141 replies

BerylStreep · 19/11/2012 18:29

My Mum who is retired and lives on her own is really unwell. She has been hospitalised, and has since been discharged, but still very poorly, while she waits for a procedure which she will be in about 3 or 4 months time.

Me and 2 other siblings have been caring for Mum since she became ill about 6 weeks ago - calling every day to prepare meals, do dishes, laundry, shopping, make cups of tea, have a chat etc. Even when she was in hospital there was a fair amount in terms of laundry, visits etc. We all have DC, jobs etc, but it is no problem to do it as we are all really worried about Mum. Another sibling has even flown home from abroad to help out.

Mum is finding it really hard to get up and down stairs - thank goodness she installed a downstairs bathroom a couple of years ago. Yesterday she said she was thinking of buying a 3 seater sofa so that if she is too unwell to go up to bed, she can stretch out on a longer sofa and sleep on it (she only has a 2 seater sofa at the moment).

We have a further sibling, the baby of the family, who works abroad - let's call her Barbara. She is single with no DC. She moved out of her flat here about 8 years ago, and moved abroad to study, and now works abroad - it is unlikely she will ever return to live here. She has used 2 of the bedrooms in my Mum's house to store her furniture and possessions since then, making these 2 rooms unusable, but Mum doesn't mind.

When Mum said yesterday about buying a sofa, I immediately thought of Barbara's 3 seater sofa which has been in one of the bedrooms for the last 8 years. This would be a perfect solution, as Mum isn't even well enough to go shopping for a sofa, doesn't really have the income to be able to afford it (would be using savings), and probably only needs to use it for about 6 months until she has had her procedure and recovered. I suggested this to Mum, who said she would ask Barbara.

So today I was speaking to one of my siblings, who told me Mum had asked Barbara if she would be able to use her sofa. Mum had given assurances that she would care for it, use throws etc. Barbara has said no, she doesn't want Mum to use it.

[Mouth hangs open] Un-fucking-believable. So, is she being unreasonable?

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BerylStreep · 19/11/2012 20:19

It gives me no pleasure to hear people saying she is BU and selfish, but I am gutted by the way she has behaved.

I honestly thought that asking her for use of the sofa was purely a formality. I suppose it was wrong of me to assume she wouldn't mind.

We have always known that Barbara is very self absorbed - I suppose it is classic family dynamic of the youngest being able to get away with it (apologies to all the youngest MNers who aren't self-absorbed), but it has never manifested itself in such a horrible way before.

Perhaps it is a case that she doesn't realise how ill Mum is. I am seeing every day how it takes Mum a good half hour to muster the energy to get to the loo, and even then it is with help. It is completely uncharacteristic of my Mum to even say that she needs to spend time lying down on the sofa.

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