WIBU to comment on friend's choice of baby food?

[Caitycat]

A bit of background: her baby is ten months old, mine is only three months so I have no experience at all of trying to wean a baby and how realistic or otherwise my ideas are. She has been a rock for me in these early weeks - always on the end of the phone with sane advice and support - so I would hate to upset or offend her.

Last weekend we stayed with her and her family and I was really surprised at what she fed her little girl. Every meal had an element of chocolate in it and there wasn't much that seemed immediately healthy. On Saturday for example she had toast with nutella for breakfast, a mid morning snack of quavers, lunch was pieces of cheese and ham with bread followed by a chocolate yoghurt and evening meal was more quavers and two jsffa cakes. I didn't want to sound critical but asked whether she ever did the mushed up fruit and vegetables I usually associated with weaning (yes I do know about blw but thought I would seem less critical phrasing it like that than just saying "wot no veg") she said that was the old-fashioned way and hers is the modern approach.

So my question is wibu to suggest her choice of food isn't great and suggest some more healthy alternatives or should I leave her to make her own decisions about her baby?

[noblegiraffe]

Well to be strictly accurate, he will eat bananas. He will also drink innocent smoothies, but I don't really count that as 'eating fruit'. He would definitely reject oranges, strawberries, pineapple, mango etc etc. Yes he has picked them himself, no he still wouldn't eat them.

Veg, anything that looks like a portion of veg won't get past his lips. If it were sufficiently whizzed up in a pasta sauce he would (maybe) but I consider that cheating rather than 'eating veg', because he doesn't know about it, if you see what I mean. That's what I mean when I say he won't eat fruit and veg.

What does he eat? His favourite food is rogan josh curry . He loves Weetabix for breakfast. Cheese sandwiches. Ooh, houmous, does that count as veg?

He's also partial to the odd jaffa cake

[Egg]

Fussy eater does not mean you offer foods with msg in to a small baby.

[pictish]

Yabu. I really don't think she'd appreciate the benefit of your advice.

[noblegiraffe]

Should mention my DS is 3. We did blw and he used to stuff his face with broccoli and carrot

[NettoSpookerstar]

A friend of mine does similar, her FB (I know, I know), the other night was along the lines of, 'baby so greedy, eaten her jar, and then wotsits and chocolate pudding and a biscuit, lol, she's such a good eater lol.

It's her third child, I only have one, and I know she wouldn't appreciate my advice, so I don't give it to her.
She's lovely, really is, just not on the same wavelength as me when it comes to food(or lols on FB)

[hazeyjane]

I think you would be unreasonable to say something. I don't think it is any of your business.


Ds will only eat one vegetable - sweetcorn.

He will eat fruit in a puree form - so from a pouch or pureed and stirred into yoghurt.

I have made cakes and muffins with veg in (carrot, beetroot, courgette) because he will eat bits of cake.

He is 2.4, and has sn, and if I listed the foods he will eat, (it is a short list!!) i think you would all be appalled, but it is so, so hard.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Let's not pat ourselves on the back if we were lucky enough to get good eaters. As I say, I know a couple of those children and no, they won't eat fruit or veg. One of them will eat carrot muffins and pureed stuff. The other will not eat it in any form, I kid you not. Not for want of trying. Seriously, the parents eat fancy, organic, gourmet veg with everything. The siblings do. The family is very healthy. The child simply will not. Now, he doesn't eat Quavers. He gets cheese and starches and milk and yogurts and so on. Are people really suggesting starving a small child until they eat fruit and veg? Say you give him veg pasta adn he picks all the pasta out then want eat the rest?

[rhondajean]

Actually noble, your child diet sounds just fine, and whiz zing veg up is not cheating!

I jut don't think you can blanket say especially at 10 months or so, my child won't eat fruit or veg and replace with crisps and high sugar yogurts.

But then I know people are still starting weaning at two weeks. One of the mums in a group at work gave her 12 week old baby chocolate and squeezed an orange segment into its mouth then followed up by popping in a slice of apple - I kid you not - there are most certainly people out there who do not have. Aclue about weaning and children's nutrition.

Oh surprise surprise said poor baby has bowel problems already...

[hazeyjane]

I think that something that is not often taken into account with children/babies and eating is the world of textures.

Ds has a lot of problems with the textures of food, for him this is partly due to his low muscle tone, and his poor oro motor skills, but I think it is something that a lot of babies and children struggle with when they are learning to eat. Ds has been stuck for a long time on 'bite and dissolve' foods, these are foods that involve very simple oro motor skills, biting, maybe a bit of moving around the mouth and then dissolving so easy to swallow, it is a very early stage. The list of 'bite and dissolve' foods are nearly all foods that are not exactly at the forefront of nutrition! Boudoir biscuits (for trifles), skips, quavers, monster munch, organix carrot sticks, wotsits, meringues.

[hazeyjane]

oh bollocks!

[pigletmania]

That is a bad diet. I was a bit gave 9 month ds half a mini roll, after he ate weetabix, melon ad apple ad brown toast for breakfast. He's teething and was whiny and I needed to d some chores so gave him te roll .

[midseasonsale]

Poor kid. What a load of crap food.

[ChippingInLovesAutumn]

OK - so she has helped you through the early weeks & you have her DD's best interest at heart... how about a little bit of deviousness?? Why not buy (or borrow) a couple of books - one on traditional/puree feeding and one on BLW - ask her to read them for you as you aren't sure which way to go with your baby & would like to discuss what's in the books with her & her approach of course... ??

[ChippingInLovesAutumn]

Even if that was a one off (which it doesn't sound like!!) that's awful, especially for such a small baby - far too much salt, sugar etc

[CecilyP]

It sounds a really awful diet for such a young baby - especially the two packs of quavers which would contain far too much salt. I wouldn't normally say anything as DS didn't eat a particularly varied diet at that age, but this sounds exceptionally bad and, if the baby has all that junk, she may not have room for the milk that will make up the essential nutrients. I would definitely want to say something but I am not sure how you can do it diplomatically, though I like Chipping's suggestion.

noblegiraffe, a portion of veg doesn't stop being a portion of veg just because it looks like something else; it is just as nutritious even if your DS doesn't know what it is. Your DS sounds like he has a good diet and humous definitely counts as veg.

[Iamsparklyknickers]

Small digression - but chocolate yoghurt? Actual yoghurt not mousse?

Where did she get it? I must know! I love the stuff and can't find it anywhere

[EssexGurl]

I definitely would not comment - you don't necessarily know all the background.

My DD is the fussy eater from hell. When we have guests I only give her things that I know she will eat without fuss - so basically junk. I don't want to have the stress for me - or my guests - of trying to get her to eat healthily. Taking the easy approach, I know. But when it is just our family, then I do try to get her to eat better. And if it takes 1 and a half hours for her to eat a proper dinner, then fine. But I won't do that in front of other people.

You won't know the full story - and it might be just like mine, junk for an easy life in front of friends!

[DrWhoBrain]

It may of just been a one day snapshot of the little ones diet, ds is 13 months and gets quavers and the odd jaffa cake, not in place of a meal though! he also gets either yogurt, or flavoured custard, rice etc daily. Ive relaxed a good bit since he turned 1 tho at 10 months it was just fruits and veg and decent finger foods.

IAMSPARKLY - petit filous have choc flavours

[Iamsparklyknickers]

Thanks drwhobrain, I'll keep my eyes peeled next time I'm shopping, I thought they only did fruity stuff

[valiumredhead]

That's a really crap diet but don't say anything as she hasn't asked for your advice.

[PicaK]

YABU. You should never judge a diet on the basis of one day - best to view dietary intake over a 2 week rolling basis.

Then make judgements.

But maybe only after you've taken into considerations any other pressures eg having a child that's fussy AND having guests to stay can be a nightmare. Maybe she went for the easy options to avoid the misery of mealtime battles with guests around. She could be screaming inside with frustration.

I would have given you a brush off stupid comment too.

If your child doesn't have food sensory issues then i guess it's hard to understand how soul destroying it is and how desperate you can get for them to eat anything. Smart arse comments to someone who's been looking out for you is a real smack in the face imo. Nice payback.

[Mylittlepuds]

Perhaps because they had guests they thought they'd have an easy day. With no food battles. Not the approach I'd take but maybe that's the reason? Quavers and Jaffa cakes for dinner though - not on.

[Mylittlepuds]

X posts with Pica.

Also I shudder to think what people would make of my 19 month DS's diet when we go on a long car journey. Anything is handed to the back seat to avoid the nightmare of a screaming child. No, not ideal but once in a blue moon isn't going to harm him. Day to day his diet is superb so a treat day isn't going to cause lasting damage.

[YuffieKisaragi]

Thing is though, under a year, a baby's most important source of nutrition is milk. It doesn't matter if they won't east anything else, as long as they have plenty of milk.
Also, why give things like quavers to a baby in the first place? They don't understand that they're something to be"desired", they don't have a concept of healthy and unhealthy. Yes there probably are fussy babies, but if you only give them healthy food, they can't then decide to only eat unhealthy food...? I truly do not understand how people can say "Oooh it's awful my DC will ONLY eat crisps and haribo and YOU don't understand how AWFUL it is..." When you as a parent gave them that food in the first place, enough for them to develop a liking for it!