to hide the fact that my home is HA?

[mykidskeepmegoing]

Hi all.
Generally i hide the fact that my home is housing association. It looks like any other semi-detached house that you would find in the suburbs.
Anyway, today i was paying my rent in my local post office and one of the women from my kids school noticed my rent card. As i was lighting a ciggerette outside she asked if she could have a word.
She had a go at me for living in my home because i work. Her daughter has just had twins and her and her boyfriend are finding it hard to get a ha home (not many round here). So they live with her and her other 2 children.
Private rents around here are well overpriced, so i was very lucky to get my beloved home. I'm dreading going to get my kids from school in case she has a go again in front of other mums. I don't want anybody knowing my home is HA.
After the year i've had, i really don't need anymore grief :/

[mykidskeepmegoing]

Thank you Peppermint. It's knocked me for 6 a little bit but i'm sure my box of Kalms and a few coffee's will do the trick :)

[PeppermintPasty]

Worry not about the jealous baggage.

[mykidskeepmegoing]

@hully. I could write a book about my life lol.

[FerrisBueller1972]

Crikey you just summed up what I was thinking whilst reading the few pages of this thread.

[redexpat]

Please don't let this one horrid woman ruin your day.

[mykidskeepmegoing]

@Everlong. The woman in question is very strange. She is also very aggressive. She's always having ago at someone for one thing or another.
She's always been nice to me because she knows what i have been through. Something must of set her off this morning.

[brdgrl]

OP, I'm guilty of not reading whole thread and also intend to just reply to you on the assumption that you are genuine. :)

Don't take this the wrong way...but....I think the biggest actual problem you have is your own attitude about living in an HA home. For whatever reason, you do seem to feel a bit ashamed of it, and there is no need for that. If anything, this woman will pick up on that and then she really will have a stick to beat you with. I'd suggest you just hold your head up and say proudly and loudly "HA houses are not just for the unemployed. I hope your daughter finds something soon." End of.

It is the best lesson for your kids, too, honestly. They should not be taught to look down on others who receive any sort of assistance, and although of course you aren't meaning to teach them so, by treating HA as something to hide, you are actually teaching them that it is shameful and unfortunately that contributes to the cycle of snobbery and nastiness in the long run.

[mykidskeepmegoing]

@brdgrl
I suppose i am ashamed in a way. I just remember going into my lesson at school once and some horror of a girl giving me grief for living in a council house.
They used to sing a song that upset me too.
Maybe times have changed and my kids won't get the same grief i did.

[TheHumancatapult]

My kids my dc are 18/ 15 9 and 7 nowadays things changed from when I was younger tbh often envy is a bigger thing

[brdgrl]

Maybe times have changed and my kids won't get the same grief i did.
I really do think (and this is partly based on some personal experience myself as a poor kid!) that the ones most likely to be victimized or teased over this kind of thing are the ones who show the most concern/shame about it. Letting the bullies see (whether it is your kids dealing with other schoolkids or you dealing with people like this lady!) that they've found a sweet spot, IYSWIM.

As well as that, it's a good lesson for your kids to see benefits as something 'normal', not shameful. It was awful for you as a kid, but you have a chance to not let it be the same for your own kids - it's about giving them the power and resilience to feel proud of who they are and where they come from.

[mykidskeepmegoing]

My lad has just started high school, the same one i went to.
I worry that the same will happen to him. So i make sure he has the best clothes and he's always looking smart.
I had hand me downs from my cousin and my best mate used to give me the odd bit.
My childhood was very traumatic for me.

[mykidskeepmegoing]

I would never have my kids looking down on anybody. I've had that done to me and it was horrible. It's even affected my adult life.

[brdgrl]

mykids, I didn't mean to suggest that you would encourage them to look down on others, and I am definitely not trying to sound critical of you when you are having a rough time - but I do think that there is a connection and just suggesting another way of looking at the whoel situation. By trying to protect kids too much from teasing or seeming 'different', sometimes we can also keep intact the sort of social prejudices that cause the teasing and problems in the first place. If I tell DD that benefits are ok and everyone needs help sometimes, that's great - but it sort of undermines what I am saying if what she sees is that I am trying to hide our own reality from the neighbours, IYSWIM?

[mykidskeepmegoing]

I get what you are saying brdgrl. It's daft i now. A house is a house and i should be proud.
I'd never want my kids to be prejudice against anyone. I think i need to address my own issues, past and present.

[Pinkie29]

I don't see why you should feel ashamed, if I could get a HA/council home I would but we're adequately housed. Plus where I live a HA home only works out about £25pw cheaper than private rent.

The woman at the school is a nosey bugger and as others have said its not your fault her daughter got pregnant before setting up home, she sounds very bitter and obviously thinks the world owes her daughter a favour!