PIL going OTT on decorating own room for GC'S

[Chellors123]

I have two DC (6 and 1) we live in same town as MIL and they see GC'S once a week either we go to them, they come to us, we all go out.. DS has a sleepover every couple of months and DD not yet though keep asking.

They are their first GC'S, have always been full on with them and would spend every day with them if they could, they buy them a new present every week ( which DP has said to stop but have ignored "it's only something small!") I get on ok with them, have never had crossed words but things have cooled since DC as I just find them so overbearing.

So to my subject..

PIL have just downsized and have just newly decorated one of the rooms for the GC'S to include, new kids bed, kids curtains, lampshade, height chart, framed children's art, train set, baby toys displayed in keeping with theme (they each have a stack of everyday toys in another room that they normally play with)have bought identical comforters and nightlights that they have at home and new set of chest of drawers which when my son opened the other week was filled with brand new clothes for each GC'S tops, trousers, sock, pants etc.


I know they are probably only trying to make them feel comfortablebthere but Is it just me to finds this a bit OTT and to be honest a bit weird like they are trying to re-live parenting? Especially as they only stay over very occasionally. I would never say anything as not my house but find it quite uncomfortable when I go there - even pictures on the walls/mantelpiece are just of GC'S - all other family members have been bumped off to a room that's hardly used!

[pigletmania]

Yes would the op feel this way if it was her arents . I am not looking forward to being a MIL if everything I do is going to come under scrutiny

[cocolepew]

The clothes bit is ott and a bit odd. Why would they need to buy drawer full of clothes to keep at their house?

[DorisIsWaiting]

I ind this abit odd, My DM is very involved with both dsis's offspring (live other end of the the country so not so much mine ...but she would if she could).

Grandchildren are around daily (on the way to and from school!) They had a spare room for the GC for over nights but it just has beds, some car boot sale toys and a few pairs of second hand trousers for when the ineveitably get filthy running around the garden.

I think the way she has gone overboard would IMHO be unverving and possibly abit overbearing.

[LittleBearPad]

The room and furniture wouldn't bother me or the toys. If the want to do it then let them. It's quite nice for kids to feel they have a room at GPs so they feel settled.
The clothes bit is too much though. Fair enough maybe have one change or some vests/sleepsuits for the baby in case of accidents but a whole chest of drawers would be odd. Not least because its likely the children will grow out of them before many of them are worn. (Particularly baby clothes). Seems rather a wast of money to me

[BlueberryHill]

Felicity, I know it wasn't pointed I me but I feel the same about the clothes. I think that its the waste of money more than anything. I know they can spend their money as they wish but the kids aren't likely to wear them more than once or twice, its just a waste.

I really like my PIL, they are great with the kids, make a great fuss of them and buy them lots of toys and clothes. However they are also really practical and the clothes and toys come home with the kids. Some toys stay at GP which is really handy when we go over to stay plus they use DH old toys. They haven't done a room out specifically for the GC, partly because they have other people to stay but also they won't all fit in one room. I'm quite relieved about that.

[IWipeArses]

It does seem ott for the frequency they stay over. If they don't have issues, then it's pressure to have them more often.

[whathellcall]

YANBU. Though on here you get flamed unless you want shared care with gps. It's far too over the top, a complete waste of money, and a way to guilt you into agreeing to sleepovers more often than you may want to. Doesn't seem to matter now weirdo the behaviour of GPS on here, you'll be labelled an ungrateful wench for not being delighted.

[cocolepew]

Her DS has a sleepover every couple of months, when is he suposed to wear the clothes the GP s have bought him? He will go with his own clothes and pjs with him

[atacareercrossroads]

What's really sad is that I do think people get a bit jealous when gps do this sort of thing. Why a parent wouldn't be happy that their kids have a nice space at other peoples homes ill never know. I suspect its symptomatic of something with the parents tbh

[BlueberryHill]

Piglet, I've reread the thread and cannot find where someone has said the GP have mental health problems, just that its a bit OTT or odd. Could you point it out to me? Thanks

[WinkyWinkola]

Piglet, it's not just clothes though, is it? It's the whole caboodle as if it were they who are having the new parent experience.

Op, just wait and see what transpires. I'd bet my last penny that you will have a huge boundary issue to deal with.

[Bonsoir]

I think it's lovely. My mother adores her grandchildren but she finds it really difficult to spend money on them - I had to point out to her that her box of colouring pencils contained nothing that hadn't been there when I was a child and that all the leads were hard and broken, and could she please buy some new ones. My mother isn't remotely short of money but buying toys etc, or special bedding, just isn't on her radar screen.

[atacareercrossroads]

Coco, so what's up with op saying "ere Mil, stop buying bloody clothes will you". Do people not talk anymore?!

[Gentleness]

I find it weird to go that far. Are they Ideal Home sort of decorators in other rooms though as well? If that kind of decorating is normal for them then I could understand it more. Otherwise I too would feel a bit trapped by so much fuss.

Plus it isn't my parenting philosophy and I'd not like that my kids were being spoiled by things. Attention is fine: "stuff" isn't. I'd have to explain that to them and give them the book "Simplicity Parenting" to read.

[cocolepew]

Theres nothing wrong with her saying it. I was replying that I thought the clothes ott, the same as other posters .

[tooearlytobeup]

My mum did this when ds was born. Nursery decorated with cot etc, clothes in wardrobe, pram we live a 5 minute WALK away.
It was just because she was so excited, and also I think because she was a single mum herself and lived with her parents when i was born so had never had a chance to decorate a babys room for herself.
Ds is now 12 and has two younger sisters. There are now 2 bedrooms at my mums decorated for the gc. A football themed room for ds and a girly room with bunkbeds. Both are full of toys and clothes, the kids dont take anything with them when they stay.
Im just grateful my kids have gp who care about them so much

[BadgersBottom]

and suddenly Mumsnet jurey have decided tat they have mental health/psychotic prblems

Exactly this. What IS the matter with you lot who are 'uncomfortable' or 'it's ott' and all the other negative shit? Seriously? These are two grandparents who love their GC and can afford/want to create a special place for them when they visit. I think that's lovely and it's the kind of thing those children will hold in their memories for ever.

[TiggerWearsATriteSmile]

The drawers full of clothes are a bit funny alright.
I know my SIL would be a bit like this. As in she buys clothes for my DC's that she likes rather than things they wear. Girls in pink dresses, boys in blue jeans and shirts. They are gifts though not for her house.

I will say this though, I'd love to have someone kind enough to care for my children and put thought into making them feel at home. Buying things they already have at home is mirroring what you have created. It's not trying to outdo you or better what you have done.
Enjoy it.

[pigletmania]

Well I see nothing wrong with it, yes it sounds a little overboard, but put it down to them loving their grandkids very much and wanting to spoil them. Yes it's their money to do with as they please. If it were her parents she would not b complaining, it's always seems to be the in laws. Yes some posters have suggested it goes deeper and teir may be mental health type issues further up the thread. Why the hell is buying new clothes fo the kids odd . Kids clothes are so cute, I love any excuse to buy the, my dcs are 5 and 9 months so buying lots if nice clothes. Mabey she should suggest that the grandparents gve them the clothes that the kids are nearly growing ou of so tey can te some use out of them before they buy new ones

[droves]

Its a nice thing they have done , but the clothes would be a bit ott for me too.

Perhaps you could suggest they have underwear , and slippers and pyjamas with one change of everyday clothes ( t-shirt ,jeans or comfy jogging suit ) and one nicer set of clothes incase PIL wants to take them out somewhere special .

Either that or go round and ask if you could take the nice clothes , because they're so nice that it would be a shame if dc didn't get a chance to wear them before the grew out of them and pil have went to such an expense for the dc.

[TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii]

I would be uncomfortable because this kind of set-up PLUS a lot of overnight sets a legal precedent.

If you are 100% comfortable with potentially having to share future access and decision making with people who aren't your children's parents then go ahead.

But it's not something I personally would entertain with either set of grandparents.

[roundtable]

Own room is nice and is special for gc I think although loads of clothes would make me raise an eyebrow but that's about it.

What is odd is when a gp, who has a spare room, refuses to let her gc sleep in it and insists that they sleep in bed with her. Even though she has sleep apnea and needs to wear an oxygen mask attached to a very noisy machine, often stops breathing and snores extremely loudly. Her oldest gc now flat out refuses to stay over because she won't compromise, even with said gp trying to offer her all sorts of bribes.

[BegoniaBampot]

It is a bit OTT but also quite sweet, my children don't really have that kind of relationship with their GPs and at the moment only see them a few days a year. I'd love them to have a really close more frequent relationship. I'm another who every time I read MIL or PIL thread wonder what's ahead for me, especially as i only have sons.

[BlueberryHill]

Where has anyone said that they have mental health problems? Nowhere, I think that is exaggerating the point.

Nothing is the matter with me, as I've said my PIL love their GC. On their last visit DD1 was saying, 'Want Grandma, want grandma' in preference to me. MIL was a bit embarassed about it, I said 'I have no problems with it, it is actually really reassurring'. They were about to have their first sleepover at PIL without us, so it was actually great to hear and I meant it. I would still find a lot of clothes odd, just because it would be waste of money, but as I've said its their choice.

[AThingInYourLife]

"Doesn't seem to matter now weirdo the behaviour of GPS on here, you'll be labelled an ungrateful wench for not being delighted."

Totally :o

It'll be like this:

"MIL has had my son's name carved into her forehead. She regularly picks him up from school and won't return him unless I threaten to call the police. He weighs 9 stone (he's only 6) because she feeds him 3 steak and kidney puddings for each meal. He sleeps in her bed and she calls him her "boyfriend""

And people will say

"She just loves her grandson. Their relationship is beautiful. Grandparents are meant to ruin spoil their grandchildren. You wouldn't mind if it were your mother being obsessed with your child and wildly inappropriate."

:o

Although in this case I would just ignore the harmless weirdness.