Aibu to think its not selfish & unfair of me to want to go back to work part time?

[girlsyearapart]

I am a qualified teacher. Dh is a London taxi driver. I went on maternity leave to have dd1 who has just turned 5 and haven't been back to work since as we have had 3 more dcs since then. Youngest now ten months.

I really would like to go back to work part time - probably in September when the eldest two are at school and dd3 in the nursery where you can pay £10 for them to stay all afternoon if you wish.

Asked dh about it and said as his job is flexible I could go back to work two days a week either next September leaving him with ds and school run two days a week or following year once ds in nursery.

He has said no as 'why should I get all the choices?' either I work full time or not at all.

I am being unfair expecting him to work and look after the dc while 'I fanny about doing whatever I like' (going back to teaching!)
So his view is either I don't work at all, work full time (don't want to do that as wouldn't see the kids hardly at all) or if I work two days a week then he also gets two full days a week 'doing what he likes' then works Friday - Sunday therefore giving us no family time.

So am I being unfair? I have stayed at home pretty much being a single parent while he studied to become a London cabbie and still am while he works and is studying to get the next stage.

I was under the impression that things would change wrt family time/time for me to go back to work once he finished (in about 2 more years)

Seems I was wrong...

Is there anyone out there who can give me advice on how they make it work working part time?

Help as he is making me feel like I'm being a spoilt princess about it all and I really don't feel iabu

[mollymole]

You go back full time and leave him to work part time/look after the kids. See how he likes it !!

[girlsyearapart]

I would Molly he has said he will do that but I don't want to leave the kids full time.
I can't do it as an experiment either as he would give up getting this licence he s half way through & I'd be contracted for at least a year.

[aquashiv]

If you want to go back to work and can get the hours you want then do it and present him with that scenario. He is being a knob.

[girlsyearapart]

I am going to. While he's studying I can't and that was always the plan so not bothered just yet tho and am not ready to leave ds but as soon as he qualifies I'll b there he ll have to lump it.

If a job comes up at my old school anytime from September I will apply and sort my own childcare out

[Startailoforangeandgold]

YANBU
He isn't thinking straight at all.

All of DDs female primary teachers with DCs job share, non of them are full time.
The male head is, but I believe his wife who teachers elsewhere isn't.

The only way they stay same is to insist on maintaining a balance between home and school.

I know a full time secondary teacher, but she manages by having a self employed DH who works round doing the school run.

[geegee888]

You're higher qualified than he is. So YANBU, and what you say goes. Pull rank on him. The wanker.

[cricketballs]

even though I think I will get flamed for this I am going to go completely against the vast majority here....

Why should you have all the choices? It sounds to me like he is brassed off that you get to decide if/when you want to work whilst he is told when he is to work - how is that equal/fair?

[3LittleHens]

Crikey your husband doesn't know when he's on to a good thing does he?

What happens when your youngest is at school? What will you do then? Surely it would be a lot harder to get back in to teaching then, as this will be in another 4 year's time?

Presumably you could be full-time by then - doesn't he want the extra salary coming in?

He sounds very selfish and very ignorant - don't let him hold you back.

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

Yanbu

[solidgoldbrass]

IF he's a self-employed cabbie then he gets to pick and choose when he works, so it's no problem at all for him to fit round the school run and provide emergency childcare.

His point is that he considers himself the only person in the marriage, and therefore he is not prepared to allow the OP to make choices or do things for her benefit that might involve him making an effort or having to, briefly and temporarily, prioritize her needs above his own.

[girlsyearapart]

cricket because I gave up my job & life as I knew it to have (his) children and have supported him qualifying to do what he wants. If he wants to go out he goes as he has worked out that we have enough money.
If I want to go out he urgently has to work.

I think it's about time I had some choices tbh

[FamiliesShareGerms]

YANBU. And it sounds as if you need to have a proper conversation about money, free time, future aspirations as a family etc PDQ

[pinotmonster]

The tax credit system is also about to have a major overhaul so you may find your entitlement changes and you are forced to go back to work.

He is being petty - it's hardly like you are having 2 days of partying a week!!