To believe that there is no going back for us after he said this?

[whoiswatching]

I had an unplanned pregnancy three months ago and it ended with me having a miscarriage at around 8-9 weeks.

My dp (I'll call him J) wasn't exactly jumping for joy about the pregnancy as it was unplanned but we decided we were just going to get on with it. J was supportive of me when I had a miscarriage, you know he wasn't devasted but then I wouldn't have expected that but I felt that he was supportive.

Three months on and I go onto Js facebook account, it was left open and I was having a sneaky look, not thinking that I was going to find anything bad but just curiosity. And I found a conversation that had been ongoing between J and a friend. J had been asking his friend if he was going to come out and his friend said no because he had his son for the weekend. J then replied that "f being stuck in with a kid, lucky for me mine lost hers", the conversation went onto Js friend was now going out with an Irish women and J said "f that leave her", and then J went on to say how the trouble with women is that we moan too much.

I am absolutely devasted that dp thinks he's lucky that I went through a miscarriage. I confronted him with this and he said he'd had a few drinks at the time and wasn't thinking straight.

Looking at the date of the messages I don't think he'd had anything to drink that day. I can't even look at him right now. I don't think I would be in the wrong to leave him over this.

[Devora]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sorry, too, that you read this.

Can you come back from it? I don't know. There's two parts to this: could a reasonable man have said those things and not meant them, and can you get over the fact that he said them at all? Everyone can be stupid sometimes, especially if they're drunk, showing off, or conflicted about something. But the context for this is that he doesn't want children with you (at this time, anyway) and that will (rightly) make it harder for you to trust him.

Let me tell you something that I don't often talk about. When I was 16 I was engaged to this bloke, and pregnant. One night we were hanging out with his mates and they got talking about a gang rape that had happened at their school. He had been present when it happened. The others were laughing about it, and I went cold inside. I asked him why he didn't stop it, or get help, and he said he was too busy enjoying the view.

Later that night, when the others had gone, I challenged him and he was really upset, saying that at the time he was terrified and didn't know what to do, that his mates treated him like some kind of scallywag hero that he witnessed this, and he didn't know how to step back from it and talk about how awful it really was. And you know what? I think I believe him. But it didn't matter. I couldn't go on from there. There was no way I could let him touch me after that. It had just triggered something in me that couldn't be ignored.

I suspect that your dp may have just hit your trigger. But only you can know for sure. Best of luck.

[PedanticPanda]

I couldn't come back from a comment like that, it would be over for me.

I'm very sorry for your mc, I hope you had support from others.

[MyGoldenNotebook]

God - just have to say that I had missed quite a few of your additional posts when I wrote my first comment OP. The googling is really disturbing. There's much more than expressing frustrated feelings going on here.

[IvorHughJackolantern]

Jesus Christ, get rid. What a bloody awful sounding man.

I'm so sorry for your mc. I'm glad that you feel he was supportive at the time but that support should be ongoing, and it's not.

You're worth more than this.

[butterfingerz]

He sounds nasty and deranged, dump him... can you imagine wasting anymore of your life on this nutter?

Please, you deserve much better, even being alone would be better than being with a pathetic shite like that.

Sorry, just the things you describe make me shudder, just such horrible things to say.

[glastocat]

He sounds bloody awful, there is no way I would forgive that.

[KellyElly]

Yep, get rid. Whether he is cruel or not he is definately immature and has no sense of boundries or what's appropriate. Onwards and upwards OP, I'm sure you can do much better :)

[piratecat]

if he's with you why didn't he deregister from the date sites too.

just wondering.

I am very sorry for your loss op. xx

[Brodicea]

I was on match.com a couple of years ago and I never get messages because I closed my account - very dodgy.
As for the conversation: it is true that people say things off the cuff on Facebook etc, but it does sound like a real arsehole thing to say. Beware of any man who has to say 'banter' like that and present like 'one of the laaaads' - real childish crap.