Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking photos at funerals

50 replies

DeckSwabber · 17/06/2012 20:05

I know someone who goes everywhere with their camera, which is normally all well and good. However, at least twice to my knowledge he has taken it to funerals and taken lots of photos. One was close family, another occasion a family friend (not close). AIBU to feel that this is a bit 'off'? Or is it just me?

OP posts:
39widow · 17/06/2012 20:07

i really dont understand why people take pics at funerals - but hey ho each to their own, not hurting me

trixymalixy · 17/06/2012 20:07

Not just you, I think it's a bit off too. I would hate to be photographed at a funeral.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 17/06/2012 20:08

I also think it's off, except for photos of the flowers. I can imagine a few people would not mind. I would hope that he would ask for permission to take photos from anyone in shot.

MaureenMLove · 17/06/2012 20:09

My DB has a side line of doing DVD's of peoples special functions. He was recently employed to do a funeral! We all thought it was odd, but that's what the family wanted!

Spatsky · 17/06/2012 20:09

My cousin had to take a video of my uncles funeral because another relative was too ill too attend. He felt mortified about doing it (but it was a small funeral and everyone there realised why he was doing it).

So in general YAPNBU, but there might be reasons for it that you're not aware of - also if the nearest and dearest to the deceased don't have a problem with it then there's no reason for others to.

MsVestibule · 17/06/2012 20:10

I do think it's a bit odd, but if the close family don't mind...

My Dad took a photo if his DM in a hospital bed, when she was wearing an oxygen mask Confused.

squeakytoy · 17/06/2012 20:14

often funerals are the only time a family gathers together, so as long as the main mourners are ok with it, then fair enough

i asked for someone to take a photo of the flowers at my mums funeral as I found it to upsetting on the day to properly look at them

TheFarSide · 17/06/2012 20:15

I can see the temptation to take photos - often funerals are like weddings in that they are one of the only times an entire family and all the relatives get together.

There is something intrusive about people who take their cameras everywhere though.

BackforGood · 17/06/2012 20:15

I think it's a bit odd, unless of course somone who can't be there wanted to see what the flowers looked like, etc.
I suppose the other thing is, it's the only time some families get together, and they were happy to have a photo together at the wake ?

I went to a Thanksgiving Service not long ago, which was filmed, to be able to send a copy of it to the gentleman's dd who now lives in Australia and was unable to be at the service. I can see why that was done.

LadyKooKoo · 17/06/2012 20:19

I have my Dad's funeral on DVD. I was in a coma so one of my cousin's did it for me. It was last January and I still can't bring myself to watch it but i'm glad I have it so that the option is there for me. It depends on the individual situation.

EMS23 · 17/06/2012 20:23

My Dad's Italian and according to him it's customary to take photos of the body. He did just that when his brother died in New York so the other siblings back in Italy, who couldn't attend, would see the funeral etc..
Freaked me out, especially as my uncle had died in a car crash and his facial injuries were visible.

But I probably wouldn't have a problem with photos at the wake, after the funeral.

Original poster
DeckSwabber · 17/06/2012 20:53

I am almost 100% sure that permission was not asked... he's just one of those people who takes his camera everywhere.

It just wouldn't occur to me to bring a camera to a funeral.

OP posts:
zeno · 17/06/2012 20:53

Yabu if he asked the family first, yanbu if he didn't.

There are all sorts of perfectly sensible reasons why people might choose to have pics of a funeral.

catgirl1976 · 17/06/2012 20:56

bit off IMO

StepOutOfSpring · 17/06/2012 20:56

YANBU

PorkyandBess · 17/06/2012 21:02

I went to a baby's funeral where a mourner took photos of -

the flowers - understandable

the coffin - (sort of) understandable

the coffin in the grave - less so

the assembled mourners, all holding a balloon to release - very awkward for all concerned.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 17/06/2012 21:05

I was a bit Confused when my stepdad got his camera out at my dad's funeral, but looking back I'm really pleased to have the pictures. It was a sad day, but a special day, and it's nice to have phtographic memories of the people who felt that Dad was important enough to them that they should take time off work to celebrate his life.

WandaDoff · 17/06/2012 21:11

I remember thinking that we should have taken pictures at my Dad's funeral.

It was the 1st time in yrs that all my siblings were together at the same time.

It's not really the done thing though is it?

yousankmybattleship · 17/06/2012 21:14

I'd be livid. How insensitive.

t0lk13n · 17/06/2012 21:17

We were on a family holiday in Brittany and we came across a beautiful church. My dad got out and began filming it and then went inside. It was a huge church and didn`t realise until he neared the front [ he was on the side aisle] that he was filming a funeral. He soon moved outside! Bless! That is a fab memory of my dad!

Whatevertheweather · 17/06/2012 21:17

I would have been so upset if anyone had taken photos at my dd's funeral. We had taken our own ones privately and we went back the next day to read the cards on the flowers and we did take some photos then of the flowers but not on the day.

40thisisit · 17/06/2012 21:18

My best friends mothers funeral is this Wednesday, she is 1 of 5 girls & between them there are lots of grandchildren. She's told me that photo's will be taken at the funeral and tbh I'm with her on this, her mum was fantastic & I can see that they just want to remember her passing with fondness in years to come

enimmead · 17/06/2012 21:18

I've seen outside funerals in India where the body was being cremated by the Ganges. Tourists were taking pictures of this.

It's an interesting ceremony - but a photo of it? I'm not so sure.
It is memories though. I think funerals and death are subjects we aren't very good at in this country.

creativepebble · 17/06/2012 21:21

I'm one of those people who carry around a camera lots. It's not a discreet one though and tbh, I really don't think I'd be OK with taking photos at a funeral, so no, YANBU.
Certain aspects could be photographed, yes, but for most people, grief is a private matter as it involves tears, red eyes, snot and miserable faces which is understandable. I'd be really upset if my picture was taken at a funeral and I didn't know why/who for etc. For the same reason, if I take a picture and the person/people in it aren't happy with the outcome, I respect them and delete it.
No, YANBU

WhitesandsofLuskentyre · 17/06/2012 21:26

Difficult. Two of the funerals I went to last year were photo-worthy occasions, because it was a case of "fabulous weather, all the family together celebrating the life of the deceased". But out of respect, I didn't use my camera. Looking back, it's a shame that the send-offs (because that's what they were) will now not feature at all in that person's "story" (I hesitate to use the word "life", for obvious reasons). Some wakes that I've been to (and I come from an Irish family) have been better than family weddings...

Swipe left for the next trending thread