Taking photos at funerals

[DeckSwabber]

I know someone who goes everywhere with their camera, which is normally all well and good. However, at least twice to my knowledge he has taken it to funerals and taken lots of photos. One was close family, another occasion a family friend (not close). AIBU to feel that this is a bit 'off'? Or is it just me?

[wherearemysocks]

Years back a friend was showing me photos from her dm's funeral. I was smiling and nodding my way through them until she turned the next photo and it was her dm in an open casket! I was not prepared for that at all!

[zeno]

We had photos taken of our dd's funeral. It makes me feel very cross to see people being so judgemental about the different choices people make.

For the record, it's not odd, insensitive, a bit off etc etc. it's just something that some people like to do to record a major life event. Not your cup of tea maybe, but also not your business to get offended.

[Gatorade]

I think it depends on what the family want, I don't know why but for some reason I wish I did have a photo from my baby's funeral, but in general I'd think it was very odd to see someone snapping away at the gathered mourners!

[MarySA]

Personally, I'm not in favour of photos at funerals. Nevertheless, if that's what the close family wants to do fair enough. But certainly not some relative or friend snapping away.

[DeckSwabber]

Mrskbpw - you may have something there. He can be socially awkward, so that may explain it.

I do understand that family may choose to have photos taken, for lots of reasons. I am talking about someone arriving with a camera unannounced and taking pictures without asking.

[sensuallettuce]

Do they put the pictures in an album

[Clawdy]

For me,the problem would be how to behave for the photo. Most groups of family or friends beam at the camera,arms round each other,and obviously that would look wrong on such an occasion. But then all standing looking sombre would look equally strange. Having said that,I would have liked some photos of my dad's sisters at his funeral,as I hardly saw them again.

[StepOutOfSpring]

Far too intrusive to take pictures without asking. I'd hate to be snapped by someone at a funeral.

[Scuttlebutter]

Personally, I'd find it very intrusive at the actual funeral service, though I can understand taking pics of say the flowers. Photographing grieving mourners not respectful though. However, at the "do" afterwards, it can be and is appropriate as this is often a much more sociable occasion and is often the chance for family to get together. However even there it should be handled with tact and sensitivity.

[Birdsgottafly]

"Do they put the pictures in an album"

I have an album of my DH's funeral, in a keepbox of other things including the picture of my DD's that he kissed every night when he was dying.

[sensuallettuce]

I can understand for that reason but not if you don't know the person very well - its odd and a bit disrespectful IMO last thing I would want at a funeral would be someone taking my photo.

[KickArseQueen]

Many years ago when my grandad died my nan sat at his funeral with an audio tape recorder and recorded the whole ceremony.

For a long time I think she could not accept he had gone and she would sit and listen to his funeral I was worried that she was going to have a breakdown, but she didn't. I honestly think, sitting there and listening to it over and over helped her to cope. It was a celebration of his life, it wasn't a "usual" thing to do, but it was the right thing for her. I'm sure photos of the flowers etc were probably taken too.

My family always seem to photograph the flowers, I am someone who carry's a big camera about too, and I wouldn't take pics of anything unless I was asked to.

I will say, that having photos of an event can feel strange at the time, but are frequently appreciated afterwards.

[millieandmax]

When your at a funeral of a loved one you can be so enveloped in grief that it all goes past you and you see/hear nothing. Seeing a pictures or a video of it at a later date, listening to what people have said about a loved one can bring comfort and peace for some.

[NameGotLostInCyberspace]

Had part of DF's funeral on video.
Now wish I had all of it as it passes in a blur and really don't know what was said.

[chairmanofthebored]

I would think that it rather depends what you are taking the photos of. I know that my (camera happy) mother has taken photos of funeral flowers but this was a close family member's funeral so was ok by everyone there.
Its also a cultural thing though. I will never forget a Nigerian colleague asking if i would like to see a picture of her husband, to which i said yes of course. She then got out a picture of him lying in an open coffin!! I must have missed the first part of the conversation where she told me he had died! Suprised was not the word.

[Cezzy]

Personally I wouldn't even think of taking a camera but I suppose it's a sign of how opinions are changing. I would hope he sought permission from the close family of the deceased first as a basic courtesy.

[nickeldaisical]

I'm in two minds myself.

There is a man at our church who takes photos of funerals, too - mainly the wakes. and he brings the photos in a few years later, and it's lovely to see all the old faces, many of whom are now dead or moved away.

[catwomanlikesmeatballs]

Very rude and insensitive.

[MrsTittleMouse]

I can understand why some people would want to have a record of those memories. Taking photos when the main mourners haven't explicitly requested is completely different. I would have hated it and felt it to be a massive intrusion.

I feel the same way about pictures of funerals in the paper - people obviously distraught or comforting each other. If you need a photo, then why not the vicar with the coffin, rather than shoving your camera lens in the face of someone who is extremely distressed and deserves some privacy.

[BadRoly]

I haven't read back so apologise if I'm repeating. I am a keen 'hobby' photographer and take photographs daily. I almost always have a camera in my pocket/bag and will snap away at parties etc. but I would not dream of doing it at a funeral unless it was of my children playing at the wake or similar (which I did at Dad's funeral).

A twat of a neighbour took various 'candid' photos of the people at my Dad's funeral earlier this year (think wedding type snaps but people looking sad rather than happy!) Then made a big point of showing them to my mum days afterwards. And nagged her for mine and my brothers emails so he could send them to us. She didn't tell him to fuck off quite so bluntly but I would have done.

[jamdonut]

I took photos of the flowers after my Mum's cremation, and when her ashes were interred a few weeks later. But that was partly for members of the family who couldn't be there,and wanted to be. I don't see it as odd. Its another way of remembering. I didn't take pictures of people ,though.

[BadRoly]

Ah sorry, I see its a bumped thread. Namegotlost I can understand why it could be a comfort, I think I would appreciate being able to listen to the tributes read out at Dad's memorial by a selection of special people again. Like you say, much of it is so blurry x

[VikingLady]

My Italian relatives took photos of my dead granny when she was lying in state in her coffin, before the funeral. Apparently they have an album of family members to add them to.

Perfectly normal in their village, they say. Quite odd from my point of view!

[marriedinwhite]

Inappropriate. But then I have my dad's ashes and at Christmas (since my fil died anyway) I put him under the sideboard in the dining room with a paper hat over the urn. FIL never enjoyed himself when he was alive; why shouldn't my dad have a bit of fun and be thought of on Christmas Day (by me at least). I don't talk about it and no-one except DH knows but usually he makes me keep him in the bottom of my out of season wardrobe because he doesn't like him looking at us from the dressing table.