To ask how many of you went back to work full time?to

[voscar]

After having your DC and how you feel about the things you've missed with your DC as a result or sacrifices you've had to make?

I am pregnant with our first child at 31 and my partner is 40. We are very fortunate that we can afford for me to go part time after the birth of our baby. I know this isn't an option for everyone so I'm very appreciate of this. We've planned around me being the primary care giver for our baby and DH working full time.

However I'm in quite a niche job in the city and my employers have offered me a significant raise to come back to work full time. Which would mean DH being the one to go part time and essentially switch our roles at home as we are really keen that at least one of us is at home with the baby as much as is reasonably possible. The extra money could mean little change in our financial circumstances whilst also freeing up DH to look after the baby - we'd be able to provide better for him/her.

Am I being unreasonable to consider this? Would I be making too big a sacrifice? I know lots of parents both work full time (mine did) and I know we are lucky to have this option. I guess I'm asking has anyone else been in this position and how did they/ do they feel as a woman being the primary earner at the expense of being at home as much as you'd like?

P.s this is my first time in AIBU and I'm a little bit nervous!

[BlingLoving]

Voscar, YANBU to consider this at all. Only you can know your own mind but I think if you do a job you love and have a good career and your DH is happy to go part time, you should do it. Of course you may miss things with the baby, but unfortunately, no one gets it all. Traditionally, men went to work and missed out on many things with their children. Now, that has swapped for some people.

I've gone back to work full time, in the City, similar hours out of the house to you, and DH is a full time carer for DS. Yes, I miss DS, I won't lie. But I also know that he is better off with DH who has infinitely more patience with him than I do. If I could, I'd leave work early once or twice a week to see him, but other than that, I have no regrets. ANd i feel that if that's my only real regret, I'm doing okay.

If they're so desperate to have you back, I'd negotiate now - 1 day a week from home (so you can do breakfast in the morning and bed time at night) and a committment that you can leave the office early on certain days? Something like that.

[Ciske]

I went back full time after DD, and I don't believe I missed anything. I've still been there for her every morning, evening and night, plus weekends. Returning to work made me a much more patient parent as it was balanced out with something else I enjoy, plus obviously financially we've been much more secure.

The key is to make sure the kids get priority over other stuff when you're home and that you don't try to be a superwoman everywhere - drop some hobbies, social engagements and yes, get a cleaner if you can afford one.

[protecttheinnocent]

If you haven't already, worth sounding out whether they'd be happy with a bit of flexible working. I do 8.30 - 4.30 which means I'm home in time to pick up DS from the childminder. I also do one day at home a week.

A friend of mine does 5 days work in 4 days, doing late nights 3 days a week.

Things like that can help find a good balance.

[abrakebabra]

Voscar - glad you've come to a decision. It's the same one I would have come to.

GOod luck

[NowThenWreck]

Good luck OP!