to be utterly offended and upset at my family.

[MrsTwinks]

My gran has alzhemiers, and this developed when there were a few rifts in the family shall we say.

Basically my father is her next of kin these days, as his only brother ripped her off for loads of money before going awol. NO ONE has seen him in 4 years at least (theres an outstanding police warrant too so i mean no one). gran lives near her sister, but dad lives abroad so she does day to day etc as nana is used to seeing her all the time.

Social services call us when theres anything like consents needed (like for anestetic when she broke her hip) and I ferry calls etc, but on advice from her doctors as she is violent etc (she was sectioned, it took a few police to get her in the ambulance) we dont visit very much. Last time my brother went she had to be sedated after as she was screaming at him that he wasnt him an imposter etc. Last birthday call she was telling my dad to pay them whatever ransom they wanted etc. I know its waffle but its just so you understand we are interested but not local and its all on doctors advice we dont visit etc.

There was a family bust up earlier in the year when sister and her H went in to the home with a priest and got her to sign over her bank accounts, so now dad doesnt deal with them. He doesnt have the money to go for them legally over it unfortunately, and not much we can do without we've been told.

Now, its 10 days until Christmas and sisters H has sent me her funeral arrangements.No care that its a total shock that her funeral has been arranged let alone done without us!! not to mention the arrangements are bollocks. AIBU to be really upset at the first I'm told of this is opening a letter and pulling out a fucking funeral plan!?! and this time of year too! This man is family, his W if my godmother as well as my GAunt and all i get is a slip of paper saying please forward this to your father. They have my number, his number. My cousins also live nearer Gran and have me & dad on FB so all I can assume is either they werent aware of this "plan" or didnt bother tell me or dad either!!

(sorry for any spelling mistakes etc, TBH here on my own and really upset so not best typing conditions)

[Xales]

You said in your OP they did the day to day stuff for her and she is used to seeing them all the time not that she goes in once a week at best. You also never said anything about them hanging up on him and telling him not to call again.

If she has savings this will be being gobble up very fast by professional carers in a home. If she doesn't and the state are looking after her then she hardly has much that they are going to be ripping her off for. Especially not if they are doing all the day to day stuff for her.

Which points are way off base? That they love her? That they are the ones there going to see her even on a weekly at most basis? That they are also watching someone they love as much as you suffer like this?

I did say perhaps they hadn't gone about this the right way.

I still think for love of your gran you or your father could call them up and offer an olive branch!