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AIBU?

To think this was a bit rude

57 replies

hanaka88 · 23/10/2011 17:53

My little boy is autistic and so cannot handle trips to tesco an the lights and noises and crowds send him into a meltdown. I do however try to take him once a week to buy a small toy car to de sensitise him to the shop.

So went today with my friend and her autistic child. My son inevitably had a major melt down. Screaming and lying down in the trolley, I was crouched down talking him through it and trying to get him to calm down so we could complete the trip and make it a success for him. My friend wandered off with her child looking at the toys and talking about christmas.

A pregnant woman decided to walk up to my friend, who she obviously didn't think was with us, point at my son and say 'that's disgusting!' my friend looked at the woman and said 'if you mean that little boy he is disabled' and the woman mumbled and ran off.

I know people don't have awareness and don't understand but surely all kids have bad days and surely it isn't acceptable to go round calling other peoples children disgusting to strangers, disabled or not. The thing is if she had walked up to me and asked what was up I would have explained and not minded one bit.

Anyway. Rant over. Just needed to get it out.

My little boy used to be just like other children until he was 3 and something happened to his brain. He tries so hard, I just hate it when people feel the need to say this. He's only just 5.

OP posts:

Report

hanaka88 · 23/10/2011 18:30

Due, not UR... I'm not sure how that happened.

OP posts:

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 23/10/2011 18:34

My DS has a chewy tube that looks like a stick man. I attach it to his belt loop with oone of those tapes you attached dummies/books to buggies.

It doesnt look like a SN thing. It can be passed off as the sort of thing 8 year old boys like to hang from their trousers.

(I know that sounds weird but I am sure parents of 8 year old boys will get what I mean).

nenevomito · 23/10/2011 18:34

hanaka - thats a bit pants about your DS's school. Mine has given him a special plastic spoon that he can chew to stop him chewing himself - and school property. He chewed the hell out of his arms and hands without it.

Its frustrating as there seem to be sensory bracelets out there for girls, but not chewing boys! So what if he does have a chewy tube at 10, if it means he's happy.

Its crap when it happens late on. You think you've got them safely to nearly school age and then Bam. I can really empathise as its bloody hard.

nenevomito · 23/10/2011 18:35

mrsdevere - where did you get that from? i've not seen anything like that and it would really help DS!

TheMonster · 23/10/2011 18:36

You poor woman. Dealing with a meltdown (SN or not!) is bad enough without the judgement of others.

spottypancake · 23/10/2011 18:37

The woman was just completely ignorant - OP, just ignore her honestly. You get allsorts in supermarkets!

TethHearseEnd · 23/10/2011 18:38

hanaka, this may not work for your son, but a 'shopping list' of sorts can be useful for some children with ASD; instead of being plunged into a traumatic environment for what they understand to be for an unspecified amount of time, they have a visual representation of the time spent in the supermarket being finite IYSWIM.

Carrying a list with words/pictures/symbols of what you are going to buy (with tick boxes if appropriate) could be useful. I would limit it to one or two highly preferred items at this stage though.

Good luck. And the woman was an arse.

Sevenfoldedbloodybodies · 23/10/2011 18:40

what a horrible woman.
sadly people seem to think that they can comment or stare .
my dd is in a wheelchair so we are the target of the staring and oh what a shame comments.

hope it doesn't put you off taking your ds out

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 23/10/2011 18:43

nenevomito I got it from the Autism Show. A couple with a child with ASD were selling them for about £6.00. I am afraid I dont know what its called but they did say they sold them online (they do weighted stuff as well). If I can track down the name I will let you know.

tethers I used to give DS a picture shopping list - carton of milk, bread etc. I would take him shopping purely as an activity (rather than when I needed to go shopping).

It did help. 15 - 20 mins max though

yellowraincoat · 23/10/2011 18:43

God, how rude of her!

cuttingpicassostoenails · 23/10/2011 18:45

Years ago I might have been one of the disapproving ones, though I would never have spoken out loud of my disapproval. I know better now after reading and learning from people who have experience of Autism.

As a young woman I was ignorant of the issue, but not stupid. Ignorance can be educated...stupidity can not.

MrBloomsNursery · 23/10/2011 18:47

What a horrible horrible woman. Since becoming a mother, the LAST thing I judge a parent or child on, is if their child is having a tantrum. We've all been there, and if we haven't our time will come! I would have ran after her and given her a good piece of my mind. Dumb stupid cow.

nenevomito · 23/10/2011 18:50

thanks that would be really good :)

SurprisEs · 23/10/2011 18:56

SN or not this woman was very rude. Children have tantrums. It's annoying, difficult to deal with and very stressful for the parent but a normal part of most toddlers and sometimes even later than that. Ignorant and unnecessary comment.

Andrewofgg · 23/10/2011 18:58

HauntyMython It is from this forum that I learnt that some SN children cannot, just cannot, wait in a queue; but cuttingpicassostoenails I would say not that I was ignorant but that I was unaware.

The woman who upset hanaka88 was not ignorant or necessarily stupid: she was offensive and impertinent. I hope that LaurieFairyCake is right and that it is the result of her being pregnant - but of course some people are just objectionable any time!

Off topic: cuttingpicassostoenails what a nickname! :o

hanaka88 · 23/10/2011 19:02

Thanks everyone! I would really like to know where to buy a chewy man from!

We have a little picture shopping list for DS but at the moment he just chews it and throws it.

OP posts:

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 23/10/2011 19:03

I have been googling like mad but only come up with mentions of me recommending the darn thing to others

I did see some interesting chewy jewelery that would suit boys and quite a nice cuff that a boy might wear.

Have a google - I think things have improved.

I wish I could remember the name of the suppliers of DS's one though. What if he loses it?

dawntigga · 23/10/2011 19:04

On the flip side I saw a woman who I know through friends who has an autistic son who was having a melt down, she had her 2 other children with her and all I asked was:

Is there anything I can do for you or get you?

In a really helpful non-judgemental way and she took my head off. I put it down to her having a bad day and in a stressful situation. She did apologise to me a few days later but I'll probably never offer help in that kind of situation again.

NotMiffedJustNotWillingToSubjugateMyselfToThatKindOfThingTiggaxx

hanaka88 · 23/10/2011 19:07

Aww tigga I don't blame you for not wanting to help. If someone offered me help I don't think id know what to say! It's so rare people do. It's normally just 'is he always like this?' or 'that child needs chastising'

OP posts:

cuttingpicassostoenails · 23/10/2011 19:25

"cuttingpicassostoenails I would say not that I was ignorant but that I was unaware."
Hi Andrewofgg...ignorant as in "lacking in knowledge or education; unenlightened"...Collins English dictionary.

We are all ignorant about many things but a willingness and ability to be educated about those things is what separates the merely ignorant from the stupid.

cuttingpicassostoenails · 23/10/2011 19:29

and insensitive...I meant to add.

HoHoLaughingMonster · 23/10/2011 20:31

Pregnant you say? Well she'll learn soon enough.

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CardyMow · 23/10/2011 21:52

I have two out of 4 dc who have asd. Try sunglasses - it stops the glare from the lights. It looks a little odd when it's a 13yo girl in December, but hey-ho, it stops the meltdown!

I am a rude cow nowadays when confronted with the tutters, huffers and rude-commenters though - I turn to them and say "My DD has Autism, she can't help the way she is behaving. What's your excuse for being terminally rude?"

But then I have put up with this for 13 years...

CardyMow · 23/10/2011 21:55

Also, pop over to the Special Needs board on here - there's lots of lovely people over there.

purplewerepidj · 23/10/2011 22:03

She's disgusting and it will come back and bite her on her fat hairy arse.

DNiece is 6, sounds pretty similar to your DS with the talking but not really communicating and regression! I wasn't lucky enough to know her before the regression (DP's sister's child) but, as I've worked with teens with AS, HFA, LFA, SLD blah blah blah I'm pretty thick skinned!

I also love that when she decides she doesn't want to walk any more I'm allowed to pick her up and whirl her around until she giggles again - I'd get fired for doing that at work

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