To think this was a bit rude

[hanaka88]

My little boy is autistic and so cannot handle trips to tesco an the lights and noises and crowds send him into a meltdown. I do however try to take him once a week to buy a small toy car to de sensitise him to the shop.

So went today with my friend and her autistic child. My son inevitably had a major melt down. Screaming and lying down in the trolley, I was crouched down talking him through it and trying to get him to calm down so we could complete the trip and make it a success for him. My friend wandered off with her child looking at the toys and talking about christmas.

A pregnant woman decided to walk up to my friend, who she obviously didn't think was with us, point at my son and say 'that's disgusting!' my friend looked at the woman and said 'if you mean that little boy he is disabled' and the woman mumbled and ran off.

I know people don't have awareness and don't understand but surely all kids have bad days and surely it isn't acceptable to go round calling other peoples children disgusting to strangers, disabled or not. The thing is if she had walked up to me and asked what was up I would have explained and not minded one bit.

Anyway. Rant over. Just needed to get it out.

My little boy used to be just like other children until he was 3 and something happened to his brain. He tries so hard, I just hate it when people feel the need to say this. He's only just 5.

[Diamondback]

On the bright side, sounds like the silly cow was completely mortified, so hopefully she's learnt her lesson and is currently at home, dying a thousand deaths from shame.

Tra la la!

[WilsonFrickett]

www.sensorytoywarehouse.com/product.asp?strParents=&CAT_ID=&P_ID=1757

Sensory Warehouse is good for chewies. OP pop over to Special Needs sometime, lots of support there and also there are some real experts on schools/diagnosis/'the system' who can give you lots of advice on school issues.

[CailinDana]

I used to teach children with disabilities and any time we took them out on trips we'd get stares and tuts. It drove me up the wall, especially as many of them had an obvious disability so they couldn't use the "I didn't know" excuse. If I was back in that situation now I would have said something but back then I didn't have the balls. I'm so glad your friend said something to her.

[FanjoForTheMuahahammaries]

i must also confess that before I had DD I was glaring and judging a girl who looked about 8 having a HUGE tantrum on the bus.

Now I have learned through experience that she surely had ASD and feel awful, karma bit me on the backside there!

[FanjoForTheMuahahammaries]

hanaka..also feel free to PM me at any time, my DD also had a major regression at almost 3 and went from being gifted with early speech to no speech, severe ASD and LDs, it is the absolute worst.

[FanjoForTheMuahahammaries]

People are like this. I was sitting in shopping centre (child free at the time) and a toddler, 2 at MOST was having a tantrum as her mum had taken her off the Peppa Pig ride. This elderly lady said to me "that's just disgusting", then went on a huge rant about how "they aren't told "no" any more, eventually saying "now that is just embarrassing".

I said "well, she is 2, they tend to do that then they grow out of it" and walked away.

Little did she know I have a tall 5 year old with severe autism who kicks off in supermarkets earning us all sorts of judgy looks (no comments yet thankfully, DD has some physical issues so her SN is maybe more obvious).

[Anna1976]

Hanaka88, i feel your pain, and would like to personally kick that woman for her insensitivity.

I have Asperger's. My parents do that kind of judging all the time, frequently about me. Ironically they are both probably on the autism spectrum, but neither has the self-insight to know.

My sister frequently makes comments that demonstrate she has swallowed the stereotypes about autism and can't stand people like me. My father has just made a comment about how much my sister must have been disadvantaged in life by having an ugly weird asperger's sister like me, and my mother agreed it must be hell having to go through school with a subnormal sibling embarrassing you. I actually thought my life at school was hell because my sister constantly bullied me.

I see my parents' comments as coming from an absence of empathy and lack of self-knowledge - and that's what the stupid cow in the supermarket was demonstrating too. She was probably jsut being an insensitive judgy munter, but she could have been scared it might happen to her, just like my sister.

Your son sounds like my sort of little boy. Good on him for trying.

[purplewerepidj]

She's disgusting and it will come back and bite her on her fat hairy arse.

DNiece is 6, sounds pretty similar to your DS with the talking but not really communicating and regression! I wasn't lucky enough to know her before the regression (DP's sister's child) but, as I've worked with teens with AS, HFA, LFA, SLD blah blah blah I'm pretty thick skinned!

I also love that when she decides she doesn't want to walk any more I'm allowed to pick her up and whirl her around until she giggles again - I'd get fired for doing that at work

[CardyMow]

Also, pop over to the Special Needs board on here - there's lots of lovely people over there.

[CardyMow]

I have two out of 4 dc who have asd. Try sunglasses - it stops the glare from the lights. It looks a little odd when it's a 13yo girl in December, but hey-ho, it stops the meltdown!

I am a rude cow nowadays when confronted with the tutters, huffers and rude-commenters though - I turn to them and say "My DD has Autism, she can't help the way she is behaving. What's your excuse for being terminally rude?"

But then I have put up with this for 13 years...

[HoHoLaughingMonster]

Pregnant you say? Well she'll learn soon enough.

[cuttingpicassostoenails]

and insensitive...I meant to add.

[cuttingpicassostoenails]

"cuttingpicassostoenails I would say not that I was ignorant but that I was unaware."
Hi Andrewofgg...ignorant as in "lacking in knowledge or education; unenlightened"...Collins English dictionary.

We are all ignorant about many things but a willingness and ability to be educated about those things is what separates the merely ignorant from the stupid.

[hanaka88]

Aww tigga I don't blame you for not wanting to help. If someone offered me help I don't think id know what to say! It's so rare people do. It's normally just 'is he always like this?' or 'that child needs chastising'

[dawntigga]

On the flip side I saw a woman who I know through friends who has an autistic son who was having a melt down, she had her 2 other children with her and all I asked was:

Is there anything I can do for you or get you?

In a really helpful non-judgemental way and she took my head off. I put it down to her having a bad day and in a stressful situation. She did apologise to me a few days later but I'll probably never offer help in that kind of situation again.

NotMiffedJustNotWillingToSubjugateMyselfToThatKindOfThingTiggaxx

[thefirstMrsDeVeerie]

I have been googling like mad but only come up with mentions of me recommending the darn thing to others

I did see some interesting chewy jewelery that would suit boys and quite a nice cuff that a boy might wear.

Have a google - I think things have improved.

I wish I could remember the name of the suppliers of DS's one though. What if he loses it?

[hanaka88]

Thanks everyone! I would really like to know where to buy a chewy man from!

We have a little picture shopping list for DS but at the moment he just chews it and throws it.

[Andrewofgg]

HauntyMython It is from this forum that I learnt that some SN children cannot, just cannot, wait in a queue; but cuttingpicassostoenails I would say not that I was ignorant but that I was unaware.

The woman who upset hanaka88 was not ignorant or necessarily stupid: she was offensive and impertinent. I hope that LaurieFairyCake is right and that it is the result of her being pregnant - but of course some people are just objectionable any time!

Off topic: cuttingpicassostoenails what a nickname! :o

[SurprisEs]

SN or not this woman was very rude. Children have tantrums. It's annoying, difficult to deal with and very stressful for the parent but a normal part of most toddlers and sometimes even later than that. Ignorant and unnecessary comment.

[nenevomito]

thanks that would be really good :)

[MrBloomsNursery]

What a horrible horrible woman. Since becoming a mother, the LAST thing I judge a parent or child on, is if their child is having a tantrum. We've all been there, and if we haven't our time will come! I would have ran after her and given her a good piece of my mind. Dumb stupid cow.

[cuttingpicassostoenails]

Years ago I might have been one of the disapproving ones, though I would never have spoken out loud of my disapproval. I know better now after reading and learning from people who have experience of Autism.

As a young woman I was ignorant of the issue, but not stupid. Ignorance can be educated...stupidity can not.

[yellowraincoat]

God, how rude of her!

[thefirstMrsDeVeerie]

nenevomito I got it from the Autism Show. A couple with a child with ASD were selling them for about £6.00. I am afraid I dont know what its called but they did say they sold them online (they do weighted stuff as well). If I can track down the name I will let you know.

tethers I used to give DS a picture shopping list - carton of milk, bread etc. I would take him shopping purely as an activity (rather than when I needed to go shopping).

It did help. 15 - 20 mins max though

[Sevenfoldedbloodybodies]

what a horrible woman.
sadly people seem to think that they can comment or stare .
my dd is in a wheelchair so we are the target of the staring and oh what a shame comments.

hope it doesn't put you off taking your ds out