to think if you can deliver and collect your children from school...

[NoseyNooNoo]

I have ended up class rep this year (how did that happen?) so I am now lumbered with trying to persuade parents to volunteer for about 50 sessions helping out at school this year. I fully appreciate that there are few mums who have no job and no children at home and to be honest it's no skin off my nose if the sessions aren't filled but what is getting my goat is the number of women who have said 'Don't you realise some of us work some full time?' in a some what patronising tone.

AIBU to be annoyed by this because a) I do actually have a job myself but as I am self-employed this in not necessarily evident and b) if they are there at 9am and 3pm it is unlikely that they work full-time either.

Thanks for letting me off load!

[SardineQueen]

She isn't marching up to them and saying "you don't work" though is she.

She is just asking them if they can volunteer and being met with a really odd response.

[DuelingFanjo]

note to self... when DS starts school don't use the 'but I have a job' line, use 'I can't be arsed to help you out as I have better things to do with my precious time' line instead.

[TootAndCommon]

DH and I both work f/t but manage the school runs between us with a mixture of flexi and shift work.

We volunteer very occasionally too - but more often for weekend things like fetes. Weekday sessions would be impossible.

[Hungrydragon]

The Ops being really lovely about it though Maryz.

She's accepted she is but for assuming being at drop off pick up doesn't necessarily mean you don't work ft. Whilst being very gracious about all the assumptions being made about her for taking a voluntary role on. Kudos on a AIBU.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

Don't you realise some of us work some full time?

Did they really say that? Really?

Or was it more "I can't take the time off work".

btw the active volunteers as DS's school are a pretty even mix of SAHPs and WOHPs. Obviously most parents do work outside of the home so there are more working parents than not working ones who help out - I mean the SAHPs are by no means over-represented.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

ahem. And nor are the WOHPs.

wrt assumptions, I was particularly of a neighbour of mine, who didn't work. Used to see her swan off with friends for coffee after drop off and so on. Envy is an ugly thing.

Anyway, I then discovered that she works fulltime, nights. Like from 23:00 to 07:00.

So not only was I an arse for envying her, I was also completely wrong.

Fuck knows what I'm waffling on about any way

[NoseyNooNoo]

Curry Spice - at what point have I said that I can can magically ascertain what everyone else's lives entail, moment by moment - or even care what they do? I care about the way people communicate with me.

Halcyondays - I said that we had been asked to help and if anyone could help would they let me know.

Jenai - yes, they really said that. I haven't asked anyone to take time off work since I think that would be ridiculous.

I had loads of mums come up to me offering to do sessions today. I think I actually have too many volunteers now. I have no idea what work if any most of them do.

[NoseyNooNoo]

Maryz - ha, ha, I leave frothing at the mouth for the idiot drivers I encounter to and from school - a whole other AIBU.

[marge2]

I drop off and pick up and work every hour in between. How am I supposed to volunteer for helping out sessions then? Plus before I worked so many hours I was pre-school chair for 2 years. I feel I have volunteered up the kazoo with nobs on and have done my bit forever more tbh.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

Sorry for the in that case then OP.

Some people are wankers

[NoseyNooNoo]

Jenai - I shall think of your comment if someone is rude again!

[minipie]

"YABU to expect the mums exclusively and not the dads to do it all. IMVHO."

Agree completely. Can't believe only one poster has said this (apologies if I have missed any others).

[CurrySpice]

OP you said in your op "if they are there at 9am and 3pm it is unlikely that they work full-time". How on god's green earth do you know that?

That's what I meant about your superior insight into other people's lives.

I drop off and pick up. I work 50+ hours a week. I have no time or inclination to help out in school.

Maybe these moms were snippy with you because of the assumptions you made about how they use their time. Just a thought

[SardineQueen]

I must admit that if I see someone every day at drop-off and pick-up I assume they don't work full time. Obviously some of the time I will be wrong, but I don't think it's a bizarre assumption to make.

[SardineQueen]

And it's not as if she's going up to them saying "you don't work full time". She is going up to them and saying "would you be able to do some volunteering to help out at the school". Surely the answer "no, sorry" would be quite sufficient

[SardineQueen]

Seems that the answer is, to avoid upsetting people, schools should not under any circumstances ask parents to volunteer for anything ever.

That's that one solved.

[fluffythevampirestabber]

Thing is, if I've had a number of requests to help out, plus the sneering I'm getting from the other bitches mums at the gates for being separated, and the looking down on me and stares, and whispering behind hands that oh isn't my stbx fantastic and amn't I lucky no I'm fucking not you irritating smug arse, and I've been up half the night writing an essay for uni and then someone asks me to help I might snap a bit more than I usually would.

Does that make sense?

[fluffythevampirestabber]

And Sardine - she didn't go up to them, she put a note in their bags, and it all depends on how the note was worded.

For example, every year we used to get a note from the DS's school that said "your voluntary contribution is now due"

That used to have steam coming out my ears every fucking year and every year I wrote in red pen "if my contribution is voluntary it cannot be due. That is a contradiction in terms"
IYSWIM?

[SardineQueen]

So people got a note in a school bag and then went up to OP in the playground to say "some of us work full time you know!".

That is even weirder.

[CurrySpice]

Obviously no excuse to be snotty

Equally no excuse to make assumptions about other people's lives

[Northernlurker]

I get very narked if asked to volunteer at school. I work full time and I do stuff at church. School can take care of itself. Ime btw the people asking don't seem to realise that some parents work - especially not mums of younger dcs. One woman practically had to get out the holy water and cross herself after I refused to volunteer at the sodding school fete. If I got a note I would ignore it - unless you'd done something else to annoy me and I was feeling feisty.......

[FairhairedandFrustrated]

I am there every day to drop my kids at school.

I am there 3/5 days to pick them up.... two of those evenings I go back to work when DH comes home.

I had to resign from PTA as meetings were on one of my work nights - I remain on the BOG because they try to have the meetings on a night I don't work.

So to others I may seem like I am at home all day doing nothing, but in fact I manage my childcare around my working hours.

[NoseyNooNoo]

CurrySpice - I made no assumptions - I said it was unlikely. I even put it in italics to denote that I accepted that it was a generalisation.

However, this thread has been extremely helpful to me because it has shown that whatever and however I say something, some people will choose to read alternative messages into it.

As it happens all the slots are filled now.

Minipie - only one person has mentioned it being mums only because I explained in the OP that I asked parents and then I clarified that my note was addressed to mums and dads. However this does demonstrate how some of the mums at the school gate may have misread my note in the same way that you have.

Do you think they'll think I'm patronising if I speak s-l-o-w-l-y to them in words of 1 syllable to ensure they understand what I'm saying?